Feeling down

Tomorrow is the last day of my intern in FNM. I will miss FNM... the nice people (some)... the slacking... the new stuff to learn... and most of all, the freedom. Now that I don't work there anymore, my parents will sure complain everytime I go to PJ area, cause my place is too far from there and waste a lot of petrol. It is not nice to hear them complain not enough money once, and if they keep repeating it everytime I go out, it would be worse. Mom just now also called, and told me not to 'belanja' my collegues so much food tomorrow because it is last day... again say no money, sigh! Feeling so down because of that... argh!

It's not I want to blame anyone but... becoming a human is so hard. Sometimes I wish I am 'nothing'... no need to think and feel... no need to suffer and become sad. If I suddenly become rich, all of these will dissapear. I can start a small cafeteria and enjoy my life there. If my friends are free, they could come and visit me and I will buy them drinks... haha. No luxury without sufferings, huh? Just dreaming... XD

I am already confused now... what more when I have a gf? It will become worst! Lucky I'm still single now... but I hope to see YL (who just came back from Bangkok today) this weekend~! ^^

Snooker near TBR

Today went to school at 12pm... woke up at 11am cause yesterday slept at 5am, so damn tired. Arrived in the parking lot and saw W's car, don't bother... Then into the lecture hall. Saw Alvin sat on one side, so I sat at another side. Wanted to go sit there cause LG sat on that side, but resisted. I don't want to look 'desperate' again. But when the class end I did say bye to her, seems like a routine to only say bye to her every lecture, haha...

After finished business with the lecturers, plan with friends on where to eat lunch. Then saw LG, which will also be joining us. Good... the more the merrier! I asked them if they wanted to take a lift in my car but because too many of them, some of them walked there (including her).

After parking my car, me, Robin and WMing head towards TBR. Saw an empty seat beside LG. I know WMing wanted to sit there, so I hurried my steps and sat next to her, hahaha! He already sat next to LG in the lecture hall, so my turn la right? lol... but actually I dowan to sit opposite of Kid only :P

We chat and ate... LG didn't eat only yamcha as she wait for her bro to fetch her. Although we sat next to each other, we didn't really talk much as we talked to other friends. So near yet so far, sadness..... Then she went back. Later I play pool with Danny, lepak a while in the snooker center which is located in TBR and then went to fetch my mom and bro from LRT.

Sigh... lately MC is having a headache of finding partners for the coming assignments, which is the same problem for me. At least she got 1 partner, I have none. W already said of finding a new partner, so I wouldn't want to go back to her group (although I want to group with CK only). Like a bubble, I am floating aimlessly... awaiting the time to be picked and 'popped' into a new group. Sad betul...

Sabar, sabar!!! ><''

Sien...

Lately bored at home... nothing much to do but play Facebook. Luckily with the initiative (and listening to David's advice) I tried to fix the com with some guidance from my classmates. It was a very good feeling when I finally switched on the com with my own hands... a success! The faulty parts were actually both the power supply and the battery on the motherboard, swt...

But now that both of the com is functioning, I will take this opportunity to format the hard drives... since it's been ages that I have formatted it. A bad thing happened is my back part suddenly feels sore and aching whenever I turn my body, even slightly. Accidentally pulled a muscle maybe... but why do these things only happen when I'm in my holidays? (not that I want it to happen when I'm studying, haha... touch wood!)

So much free time got me thinking... why do man like to make themselves suffer by wooing girls that is hard to please or just 'unreachable'? Is it because man like the feeling of courting a girl(s) or is it because something in the genes that make man behaves like that? I don't know the answer, but I'm sure fed up of being one of them. Maybe the coming new sem marks the beginning of the new 'me'... maybe, haha.

What got me worried a bit is there will be another shifting of classes since there will be some ppl unable to make it to year 2, and some new ppl who finished passing their exams are now able to continue on with their year 2. Since my name is on the bottom 2 of the list, I'm afraid I maybe 'kicked' down. It's a good thing cause most of my hang out buddies is in that class. But then I won't be the class rep anymore... and I will be seing LG more (oh no!). Thinking about it... please don't make me in the same class with LG!!! ><'

Oh well... maybe I'm thinking too much. I will late fate decide where my destiny will be... and hope no greater hardship awaits me there. Adios~!

Hari Raya has past

The two days of Hari Raya which fell on Wednesday and Thursday has just passed. Sorry but I forget to wish all fellow Malaysian Selamat Hari Raya! I didn't spend the two days creatively, as mom was sick and I need to take care of her. The only thing I did was going for breakfast at Ampang for the famous Yong Tow Foo (I usually go there when I was a child, STILL going strong, amazing!) with Jess and William, Daniel fetch.

Thursday was boring and the best I did was playing RO with Sum, doing some quest. Didn't yamcha with the two D's cause it is nearly impossible to find any mamak opened on Hari Raya. When I fetch my mom to the clinic, it was like a ghost town... and only one clinic out of 4 that opened. But the good thing is... so few cars! XD

I did sms some of my old Malay friends, wishing them Selamat Hari Raya. Out of I think 4, 2 of them replied thanks. I know 4 is a small number but after secondary school, most of them just... disappeared.

This whole week didn't play SDO with W at all... first is because my computer crashes whenever I play some games (even Warcraft3!). Maybe it's because some hardware faulty or going to be 'expired'. The 2nd reason is because I hardly see her online now... maybe it's because she shifted to work in Kamdar and reached home at 11.30pm thus lazy or tired... or maybe she wants to 'dodge' me (forget what's that word to use). Hey, I just want to be a friend, nothing more! So why is she... sigh, nvm. She reply my SMS super slow now, compare to 'instantly' last time >.>

Tomorrow's going to be another Japanese class day. Then next week start college liao (finally!). Really bored staying at home... just playing games... mind getting too free... wonders on those 'tingly' feelings again... Man I hate it when I'm too free! The whole sem I was so busy, no time to think about... nvm! :P

Syok then sick

Sat... Daniel was involved in a small 'accident', but lucky he was alright. After Japanese class, he continue his wedding taking photo work, while I go and find W and Robin for lunch. It was lucky Robin was there as I didn't speak much that day... maybe tired. Has a 'small operation' on my shoulder too.

Sunday... Thought it was W bday so I wished her on SMS. Turns out her bday was tomorrow... At night yamcha with Ah Ming (long time no see him liao) cause he invited us, David also joined. After that CC for a while. On the way home, wished W happy bday again around 12.05am.

Monday... Went to CC with youngest bro to use the V2 free cash vouchers. Later David came and joined. Each of us used 2 piece, which means free 2 hours each. Then yamcha a while. David went back for parent's anniversary while me and bro fetch my mom from LRT. Daniel asked if want yamcha again at night but too tired, so declined. Sum also went to yamcha with Ah Ming.

Today... last night while sleeping suddenly have a super painful sore-throat. This morning woke up also same. Trying to endure it by drinking apple juice. Swallow sliver also pain! And trying to fix the PC, keep hanging after installing Spore yesterday. Tonight staying over at Daniel's place?


P/S: I feel like a bubble... trying to make a lot of people happy. I know I should stop this, because I can't make EVERYONE happy all the time. I'm also learning not to think too much. The more you think, the more problems arise thus you feel more sad. Enjoy the moment as it is, don't try to impress people so much... be yourself!

Made a bank account

After weeks no do, finally take up the initiative to make a bank account in CIMB bank. Mom says want me to make another bank account where I can draw money if in CASE need la... XD

After dropping my bro in TARC, my youngest bro says there's a small CIMB bank near TRB (which is near TARC). The bank was so small, I thought only can do money transactions or stuffs like that. But when I approached the counter, he ask me 'Saving account or current account?'. I don't know what's the difference between the two, so I just stick to savings account...

He gives me 1 form, 1 ATM application paper and 1 bank in slip. Wah, so much to fill in one?! The funny thing (and different from other banks) is it got one part which you need to fill in an answer for 'Preferred personal'. I was like... wth? Luckily the bank people earlier told me to fill in a person's name, not others like 'basketball'. Swt... then I realised it maybe useful in the future if the bank people asked, sort of like a secret question.

After kautim all, pass the stuffs, then I need to scan my thumb to see if it's corresponding with my IC. It fails! Wat the *tuut*!?! Then he says it will help if I got my driving license, which I do! So handling him both IC and driving license, he starts to process my new savings account. Boy, it took quite a while, finally finished after half an hour ++! And the change pin code paper wasn't sealed! The one I got from Public Bank was closed. Swt...

Then ate at TBR. I thought of trying the vegetarian mix rice, but it costs me RM3.80! So expensive! Although nice, but nearly RM4 for a plate of rice is definitely not worth it especially for students... After makan kenyang, walk up 12 floors again. Fuh... fuh... Last week walked almost 10 times liao, tak cukup ka!? -_-;

A sudden outing

Yesterday night played DOTA with Jimmy until 12am. When I closed Warcraft, I saw Daniel's MSN message. He asked if I wanted to join him go mountain climbing tomorrow morning. I was shocked! Why? First reason, he just recovered from fever, and want to go mountain climbing tomorrow?!? Second, why so late only decide... cause I just agreed to my mom that I will bring her for breakfast tomorrow morning (can't call my bro cause he went out until the wee hours of the night).

So, I have to decline, although YL and her sis is going too. Luckily Daniel's bro joined, else I scared if he fainted, how do the 2 girls bring him down from up there? Lol...

As planned, this morning I become the driver, sending mom and my 2 bros here and there. After that, I was just in time to park in front of Daniel's house before he reached 1 minute later. They all look so 'pucat' and like going to drop dead anytime, except Kevin, from the mountain climbing. We went inside Daniel's house for a while before straight going out for lunch.

We ate at Wangsa Maju, somewhere in the newly developed areas with new restaurants. All of us ate except Daniel and Andrew. Looks like Daniel is still sick and don't have the appetite or energy to eat, just drank a cup of fruit juice. So after I showed the way for YL and her sis to go back, through the Cheras road (which is jammed all the way here!), I sent them home. Daniel missed his 'appointment' and even left his hp in my car, so I have to drive all the way back to return it to him.

Overall it was a an OK day. Although I was able to see her, I already told myself to stop dreaming and just treat the day as a normal friends outing. I shall start anew and forget the painful past. Although I missed the trip up the hills, it was substituted with me walking up 12 floors again (damn lift!). Still, all is better than just staying at home...! XD

Fed up being the 'driver'

Today really a busy and kanasai day. Wake up early morning, send mom to LRT and then buy food for my bro and myself. After that send aunty to clinic, where she suddenly vormit this morning.

Finally reach home, thought can rest... suddenly bro call me to send him to LRT again, cause he want to go out with friends. Kns, some more wants me to fetch him when he comes back! Then I also need to fetch my mom also leh...!? One day become driver how many times!!?

Damn, being too free at home is also not a good thing, cause you're expected to do everything else! I can't wait to continue my studies... -_-

Dear Diary... #1

I enjoyed chatting with her through MSN although I know I shouldn't. When suddenly the computer was switched off, I panicked and switched it on immediately... hoping to continue the conversation with her. Yes, I'm still sick... so what? Kill me noW! >.<

Yes, I'm a fool...

Regrets in life

Everyone have a point where they regretted something they do in life. Some regretted they choose the wrong course of study, others regretted they work in the wrong field. I too made a lot of regrettable choices in life. I studied and tried a lot of courses. But all are either too hard or just not what I wanted to work with for the rest of my life...

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I know I sound lame/ lazy/ irresponsible but there's some other serious reason (which I can't mention here) that changed my perception in life, and 'blocked' me from continuing my journey. I am not that strong, thus those 'incidents' really leave a huge impact on my life. I admit I play a main role in it and I regretted that I made those choices then, but it is what I really want...

Now a new chapter in my life will start again. It will be hard to endure as the age difference will surely be a factor. I will need to make new friends, which will be hard considering I really sucks in the 'socializing' department. But I know, this will be the end of my chapter in life (sound serious?). I will endure the last 2 or 4 years in this new course I have chosen, and hope to regain my lost confidence in the process too.

I will need to be more serious and grow up from my bad attitudes. It will be hard, I don't know if I could stand all of it, but I will... I must! I will graduate way later than all my friends, but at least I'm doing it rather than not doing it at all. I don't want to spend the rest of my life as a 'house boy' anymore. I will prove that I can be successful too. It is better to be late than never!

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I hope my friends and family will also give me strength to pass this journey in life... One step at a time, I will surely climb to the top. Wait for me world!

1 week no update...

Wah, it's been a long long time since I didn't update. Ok, maybe 1 week is not so long, but it's been long since I didn't update that long... Last week balik kampung because CNY, but because we were late and traffic jam on the way, we missed the reunion dinner. So we randomly pick and ate in a restaurant in Lawan Kuda. I was suprised to see a new dish there that I have never eaten before... It's pork, but the strange part is that it taste soft yet crunchy at the same time. A real fattening delicacy, but once in a long time, worth it!

Thursday more relatives came and we play mahjong, poker cards and etc like what a CNY 'mood' should do. Lost a bit money, but I was still happy as I was able to enjoy and see my relatives that I hardly see. Got some angpows, but way less than last year. But who's counting? XD

Friday went to Ipoh. Went with my favourite niece too. So many people (and leng luis), the moment I step into Jaya Jusco, I already feel like I'm back in KL. The lack in parking space was the same too... -_-; A funny thing happened when a fat lady pinched my niece on the butt... was he lucky? LOL.

Sat went back around 11pm++ to avoid the massive traffic. The ride was quite smooth, but my poor dad have to suffer while driving in the night (tired). Ah, the feeling of back at home is so sweet...! Sunday and Monday stay at home while my parents went out to do their stuffs (shopping, paper works, casino, etc.) This year was also quite lucky as my dad won around RM5k. So Monday night we went to eat an RM188 meal... it was meant for maybe 10 people, but we 6 nearly finished it all... left the taufu to tapau only, lol.

So yesterday, Tuesday, is the day dad will be going back to China. All of us (except our aunt) sent dad to the LCCT, spend some time together at McD and finally see dad leave into the check-in area. Lucky in the last minute I asked dad for the car keys, or else we will walk back home! The few days dad were here was nice... We learned a lot from him, and I'm happy when both my parents are together as I can see my mom miss my dad a lot. Take care over there dad!

Gantz

Watching those manga are fun... yet sometimes, it makes me feel 'lonely'. Watching the main char having a nice, faithful and cute gf really makes me feel even more 'desperate'. But it slowly turns into nothingness... only a bit sad, but I can still hang on. There's games and friends to make me forget.

But suddenly, I accidentally browse through my folders and saw 'her' face. Totally not a suitable time for me to see her face, specially since I'm reading the manga. The feelings come rushing back into my heart... I can feel the urge to love, the loneliness and sadness... all over, again. Why cant the human control the heart and the mind at the same time? Why must I do all these stuffs to make myself suffer even more? These are the signs of... alone... loneliness......

I miss her so much, I hate her! I want her so much, I despise her! She treats me like dirt, yet I can't stop thinking of her! My mind told me I'm a stupid fool to keep wishing, but my heart beats faster when I saw her! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! Love sucks! GET IT OUT OF MY HEART NOW!!!!!

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Ahh... feels better everytime I post an emo post. So please try not to make yourself a headache, and just skip reading the above, ok? Thanks!

Lately lazy to blog as I am busy reading an online comic called 'Gantz'. Introduced to me by Eddy, I thought it's another one of those normal action and fighting comic like Full Metal Alchemist or Trinity Blood... but it isn't. It's a totally horifying comic, added with some love and suspense. It's a story about how a boy try it's best to stay alive, as all his friends are dead (chopped, poured with acid, sliced in two, munched by dinosaurs, u name it...) yet he must try to stay alive... so he could be out of this strange world. The adrenaline rush is the same as when I was watching Heroes season one... totally unpredictable, anyone could die... so exciting!

But not all live a happy life forever... during these past few days I have been blamed and scolded for doing things I didn't do. Sigh, being the eldest in the family is no fun. You are always responsible for everything, most of them are bad. You do not get anything good in return, except a title called 'Kor'. You do everything you can, yet it is still not enough, and whenever another bad thing happened, you get blamed AGAIN. Sigh... life is so unfair!

Life and decisions

You know sometimes it will come a time when you need to make a fatal decision that will affect the rest of your life, and there's no turning back after choosing it? Well... the time has come, again, for me.....

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Ah... time is getting closer, as TARC open day is coming soon. Should I continue, or choose a new career path? There's many new courses, which sounds fun and exciting... but that will waste 2 more years of my life. But if I don't do it, then I may regret it for the rest of my life, working like a dog and designing stuffs that most Malaysian just won't appreciate, in front of a boring computer. Decisions, decisions...!

Yup... it looks like I may change to another new course, the final one, to be made into my lifetime career. GD doesn't seem to suit me after trying it out at a GD office. The pressure, the workload... it's just too much for a person like me to handle. As pain as for me to admit, I may not be suitable to work in a creative sector as I imagined I could be.

Which course, I haven't decide... there's a minor chance that I will continue to finish my GD, and a bigger % that I will start my life fresh with a new course. This time I vow to fully give it my all, or GDMTOH! Sounds serious... but it's a decision I have to make.

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Sigh... it really tires me being a human being sometimes.....

New Year is here

So, the new year is here... on new year eve, went out with Sum, Daniel and David. Yamcha in some Chinese gerai makanan, but ate some light meals like popiah, satay, and pau. We didn't see any fireworks, nor yell our lungs out. Just saying 'Happy New Year!', shook each other hands then continue playing Magic/ chatting. Lame? That's life for us...!

Yesterday did nothing much at home... basketball was cancelled cause David was busy playing with his new I-Pod and the weather was going to rain. Then went shopping with mom, suddenly they asked to go yamcha. So after finished shopping, straight find them to yamcha. Then talk about how I wanted to learn PHP and make my website, but could it be that easy? Only time could tell...

Then today saw Daniel promoting his blog in the newspaper, with his pic in it. It was about 'new year resolution', and his was to become as famous as Kennysia's blog. Well, I wish him all the best in accomplishing that. His bro, Andrew's face, is also featured in it. His dream is to make the first animation movie for Malaysia. Ahh, so big resolutions... Then I will add one resolution to the list, which is to make my website a success! (Learn PHP first... sigh!)

Wow, I can see that the CNY spirit is coming liao... so fast? I was shocked that as soon as the clock strikes 12 on new year eve, they played CNY songs in the restaurant! There's even CNY food promo packs selling in Giant now. With CNY coming, the weaher is bound to be hot. No more banjir... but no kemarau too please! And God of Wind, do your stuff until after CNY please... or we will all smell like salted fish soon. Happy ney year everyone...!

A 'mini' secondary school Christmas gathering

Friday night, went to Fabian's house for a Christmas gathering. When he called me on Wed, I thought I was one of the last person he would call. But when we spent the night there, the person I knew that came were only Uma Shankar... and Shalini! Still, we enjoyed eating the nice chicken curry with rice and other foods there. We even ate outside the house, near the beautiful lawn with a nicely decorated 'Christmas tree'. It was a really nice place to chit-chat about the old times while enjoying dinner...

Daniel fetch me, Sum and David there. After the dinner, we continue chit-chatting for more than an hour. Mostly it was about the 'uncle' who was into IT business, and how he studied in India and become a successful IT 'person'. David was the uncle's 'aim', as he's good in PHP stuffs. Hmm, maybe I can study PHP and become 'keng' too? Lol... who knows.....

Something interesting mentioned there was how they crittic my 'fashion sense'. It's weird... I choose good clothes for my friends, but I in the end become the 'fashion disaster'. Maybe it's the style I have been sticking to for years (cap and 2 shirts), or maybe it's because I just like the 'old fashion' look. Whatever it is, I think I need to change... pronto. Still, all is a dream if I don't stick to my 'diet'. Argh, being a human is sooooo mafan! >.<

The second 'topic' was about my ex-crush, Grace Lee. If you still didn't know, I was an innocent and shy boy since young. There was this girl I like, but I never approach her. I only stay at my seat and draw pictures of her (which looks more like Sailormoon that her face, LOL). After 5 years, we left secondary school, and STILL I didn't tell her I like her. But looking back now, I feel that maybe it's not so bad after all. Why? First, she's TOTALLY the opposite of what I look for in a woman (she's tomboyish, nuff said). Second, she's Christian, while I'm Buddhist (I was sooo naive, didn't know GRACE means she's Christian liao in the beginning)... it may work out, but a lot of troubles and difficulties will arrise when married in the future. So better not...!

We also talked about how some of our 'smart and bookworm' friends went cookoo because they are forced to study since small, and what crazy stuffs cookoo people will do... LOL. Hmm, maybe I was a bit like them, cause I was 'forced' to study in primary school too. Luckily the 'torture' stops in secondary school. But then, my grades dropped too, haha. I guess there's always yin and yang, decisions and outcomes, good and bad. No one's perfect...

Sat and Sun become an exercise day, where we went for basketball 2 days in a roll. Tomorrow New Year eve liao, stay home or go out? Depend on my friends.....

New year coming

Wah, just went out on Tues and Wed, tonight going out again... then maybe next week Mon night also going out! Memang a very busy weeek, but luckily busy to enjoy, not work! XD But I know I have to appreciate these moments as after that, the next holiday will be CNY then a looooong time no holiday liao...

Ah, these holidays, although not spending with a special someone, with friends also syok one... how long I wonder these fun moments will last, before I myself have to get myself busy with studying and working life too. When those time comes, even if I wanted to go out, time or some other important stuffs will prevent me to go. I know, cause I seen how my friends do it, for work. Sad, yet, a must... that's life for you kid!

The new year is just around the corner... I forgot my last new year resolution is what liao. Lazy check, I think it went un-accomplished. Oh well, resolutions are meant to be made and broken? :P I think my next year resolution should be 'stop thinking of her!' and 'exercise u bum!'... eh, I remember liao! Last resolution was 'to become a better man', which sounds too broad and hard. Next year only 2 to do, I think I can accomplish that... s l o w l y.......

Seems like my 'internet dream' has to be put on hold too, as David, the main programmer, is busy with his online business. There is only 2 option left... abandon it and do it at a later time, or find another 'partner' to do it. It's a pity I don't have the skills or money, else it could have been 'set on track' at an earlier time. Life is full of challenges, and I will take this as one... but I will not give up! Any programmer or website designer out there wanna do business with me........!?? T_T

Anyhow, I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the readers of my blog. Without you, this blog may have already dead a long time ago. Hope I can make this blog more 'special' next year. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!