Going to fall again

Oh no... what am I doing!? I just climb back up... almost to the top of the hole, suddenly I felt a pressure to fall back inside! What am I doing!? Wake up, wake up! I must not fall again... If I fall, I may lose another good friend... that I wished to see everyday. I musn't fall, I musn't let ppl see that I'm falling once again... I MUSN'T!!! ><

Transformer with cousemates

This Wed went to Times Square to watch Transformer 2: Revenge of the Fallen with coursemates. That means seniors, juniors and 2 lecturers joined us in watching it. W was there, which made it more enjoyable. LG was also there, but she was like... wasn't there. Saw her a glimpse before and after the movie, then dissapeared liao. But W hanged out with us until nearly the end...

Michael Jackson died on Thursday, which was a very sad thing. Although a lot of ppl tease him, I still respect him cause he really is The King of Pop. Rest in peace MJ...

There's news the H1N1 flu infected TARC too... donno if it's true or not, no 100% confirmation yet. We have no time to bother about that with assingments deadlines coming soon... X_x

The cure of loneliness

It's been so long since I updated... been busy playing Dragonica since it is officially opened in Asia now. So what exciting stuff have happened to my life these past few weeks?

Nothing big... Since me and LG's timetable clashes most of the time now, and my timetable doesn't have big time gaps in between... I don't need to waste my time to find her anymore. She doesn't call me/ SMS me anymore too, since her siblings are all now under one roof.

So do I miss her? Yup... sometimes, but usually only when I saw her in lecture class. The feeling is starting to go away, since I felt sad that she really treats me nothing more than a friend. And I'm still using the 'hate psychology', in which whenever I see her, I should hate her, not think more of her... which only subsides my feelings. How can I hate her? lol...

And lately I hang out more with my classmates... W, to be precise. Since I am not so 'in' with the others, I hang out with W's gang, which all consist of girls (5 girls). Do I feel weird hanging with them? None at all... since we are more of the 'nice and hardworking' type compare to the others. Did I stick with them because of W? A part of it, yes... but I feel that my best friend now in class is only her and CK, which is her best friend. We like games, talk in Cantonese and 'saves money', which makes us mix well together. I am in their group in one of the assignments too.

So what about love? Is love really disappeared from LG and shifted to W? No... the precise answer is it is FADING away from LG and... stopped there. I don't want to put my love on W, because deep inside I know I'm nobody special, and she will not fall for a nobody like me. Without money, chasing girls are completely out of my league too. So I shall focus on my studies and just treat W and my friends as buddies... to joke around, fooling each other and laughing together. It is more fun and lasts longer too.

That is why I'm a bit addicted to Dragonica now... Most of my friends are there, we can do stuffs together while having a good time leveling. Since I am a nobody in real life, at least I can teach/ help my friends in the virtual reality. Yes it may sounds pathetic, but it's the only thing I can do... for now. I feel happy when I help ppl because if they're happy, I am happy. But I have no such power in the real world... so this is my only way of escape.

Am I sad because of this? Nope... I know my own weakness and shall not be feeling down because of it. I will live my life happily, doing as much as I can before I die. no matter what people say, I will stand on my own principle in life. I know some advise me for the better, but if doing it will make me better but in the same time sad-der, does it worth it? Like a saying goes 'If we work to live, why are we dead working?'. I shall walk on my own pace, steadily and happily... XD

First week starting tutorial/ practical classes

Finally all the classes started this week. For the whole week, there is only 3 lecture classes, which means I will only be able to see LG 3 days a week... which is a good thing. This whole week have been hanging out with W, CK, Pilla and YC most of the time (all 4 are girls). Haha, I know I should be hanging out more with the guys but somehow we just don't click. Now I know how it feels to be the only boy in a group, lol...

Yesterday yamcha with Ah Ming, which is very sudden. I can't yamcha on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday night as I got an 8am class the following day but since it was him, an exception is given, haha. He fetched me and Daniel to yamcha at Bangi Kopitiam in Taman Melawati town.

We jokes and talked about many stuffs, including our love lives. Then it hit me... should I really tell LG that I like her? Although I already know the answer, but is telling her going to make any difference? ...................... No, I dont think so.

Maybe it was because of the trauma I felt when chasing YLin. At that time I did a lot of stuff to please her, including going far places just to find her by LRT, buying her stuffs to please her, call her everyday, etc. But now... I don't do those stuff anymore..... Why??

The feeling of rejected after 100% sure of getting a girl really hits deep. Somehow deep inside... I don't trust love anymore, although I yearn for it. That's why I did all those 'safe' stuffs like asking friends/ spies for info on a girl I like. It makes me feel safer because I won't feel that 'killing pain' of being rejected, face to face anymore. If you don't put that much hope, then you won't feel that much pain. That's what I think...

Pathetic philosophy, I know, haha... but it's hard to cure a trauma once it hits you 'hard', and I mean Rock Bottom Hard that HARD. So many maybe, so many uncertainties... I don't think I will succeed in this game called love..... for a long long time.

Currently I'm happy hanging out with W and friends. She's now the 'printing manager' too, which is like an assistant to me, the class rep, haha. But she's gonna 'eat' a lot of money... haha. Anyway, friendship is my way of curing loneliness... to stop 'thinking' too much... and forgets LG.