L O V E... love?

Love... such a strong word. For me it meant everything... and sometimes nothing. It's weird... sometimes I see people in love, I envy them. I hope I can find my other half too, and spend my time with her. I won't be lonely, I have someone to talk to, someone to share my ups and downs and a person who will be there for me no matter what. A fantasy that comes true...

However there are times when I see so many broken couples, so many arguments and disagreements among love birds, then I will feel glad that I am not in their shoes. When you have a love partner, your responsibilities adds... not by +1 but by near +infinity. You need to constantly be a good boyfriend, a responsible lover and in the end... a dad that your children can look up to. The pressure keeps building up, and it cannot be stopped. If somehow you suddenly 'explode' and wants to end it, then the consequences and pain you bring will not only affect yourself, but many more people around you...

Such is the life of a man... the challenges a human need to face no matter what... a destiny you need to endure before you end your life (except for bachelors/ virgins... haha). Like the teaching of Buddha... All man is born to suffer (in various ways) before they die......

Yamcha cancelled

Sien lor... last week yamcha cancelled... and I was so looking forward to it too T_T It was because Jimmy went for dinner and so late liao still not yet ordered it, sigh... next week hope no cancel.

Why so I want the yamcha so much? So that I could see her? That is part of it, but not the most important one. As I said before, yamcha with friends help me release tension, which is building up this week, argh~!

But on Sunday morning, suddenly Mr Daniel called, and I was so syok sleeping too! But it was a called for help, and I will not ignore any people who requires my help (sound like Superman?, haha). So I went to LRT, fetch him and his gf to his uncle house, take key, then send them back. The good thing is I managed to find back my old favourite Nasi Lemak, yeah! XD

Looks like Mr. Daniel has a lot of problems although went for vacation in Korea. All the best to him to solve his dilemma. Oh, this phrase maybe suitable for him, which I saw in Jess tumbler today:

"If something is important to you, you'll find a WAY. If it isn't, you'll find an EXCUSE".

Maybe not for him but for another? I dunno... but I definitely support this phrase as it is a fact that we did not notice in our own selves. A problem will not solve itself, we are the ones who will solve it or risk it becoming a bigger problem in the future.

Suddenly I became so knowledgeable and wise, wakaka. But actually I'm the weakest and most naive among all, sadness...... Thats all for now, ciao~!

Another day another night...

Every week seems to bring in new flavors. Sometimes sweet, sometimes sour... sometimes tasty, others shitty. But most of all, I look towards my favorite day of the week... Saturday night. It is the night where I get to release my stress and hang out with my friends. Weekends are the best when you are working, and you don't really feel it when you are a student, haha... ><

This week started good... then suddenly turned catastrophe on Friday. I was 'advised' and 'scolded' by my boss for not graping the opportunity when I am placed in the production department. At first I felt that I am not entirely too blame cause I thought they will ask me if I want to follow them during shootings, then I realized it actually works the other way round. She said that if I wanted to join them, I should ask them when the opportunity arises. Yeah, it was my fault for being 'dominant' and too shy to ask.

Thinking hard... I feel that I am not suitable to be a director in the future. I am not aggressive enough, nor will I sacrifice my time in doing late night shootings or travelling outstation anytime when work calls. I want to work in a stable company, from 8-5, not needing to OT or travel so much. Those traits are all not available in a director! So..... with a heavy heart, I think I should pick another road to walk, sigh.....

Whatever the reason is, I will stay focused and continue my studies. Many people don't get to work in the field they studied anyway, so I shouldn't worry so much... right? Trying to make myself better? haha...

Yesterday yamcha with Jimmy, Wingc, YL and her sis + CMing. Six of us only but I had a very good time. I can forget the world and just enjoy with my friends... free and easy and not giving a damn about the world. It was worth it even though I need to 'pass' my parents permission to drive so far, so late in the night. YL even got prettier with her new hair style with no dye. She still haven't make her move to try out for the guy she fancied, but in the Jaya One, Old town Kopitiam she 'like' a status of the guy in FB.

A first move, but a big step for her. I wish her all the best to try out for that guy. Cause I know the feeling where you feel there is something 'inside' that couldn't be let go, still clinging to that small hope that he/she could be with you, if you tried. I know I couldn't... but I wish you could, YL. All the best in finding your future... you deserve a better man.

It's Magic time!

Magic is a card game... and it's a very fun game. Currently busy thinking of how to make a cheap standard deck so I can join FNM for the first time (because its free, haha). And best of all... it keeps me focused and occupied, no time to think about love related stuffs. Yes...! XD

Go go go kuldotha red!

An educational yamcha

Yesterday yamcha was one of the most memorable yamcha of my life. Why? Cause YL's sister came, and we talk about some stuffs that involve me... and YL. There was laughter most of the time... and the hidden pain in my heart too.

First of let's talk about YL. I dont know if I mentioned it before but last time she asked for my opinions on how to make a guy fall for her that she was interested in, in MSN. I gave her some pointers of course, but after that I didn't receive any news from her so I thought it was over. Yesterday proved me wrong... she is still in love with a colleague in her office, yet too scared and shy to approach him (so does the guy, who she say likes her too). She also mentioned another guy who is now courting her, for quite a long time too. At first she say she doesn't like him but after quite a long time of non-give up courting by the guy, she is slowly accepting him.

This means that she will either go and have a try at the guy she secretly in love with (we gave her some ways to test and approach him in a more indirect way) or fail and go with this never give up guy instead. Whatever the option is, finally she's in love... which makes me happy and sad at the same time too. Still, my only wish for her is 'go for it YL! you deserve a better man'...

Mixed feelings are in my heart at that moment (and now) and somehow I don't know how but we chat on and EC (YL's sister) said I am too straight forward and honest... which is a bad thing (they said). We laughed about it... and me being too honest and naive is a fact. Actually it was my fault... I tried to make a joke about it but it turned out I was saying 'forgive me, I was just being honest'. Everyone laughed... but then I am puzzled about myself. Why did I said so? Was I trying to make people happy... or is it really my own characteristic that I couldn't stop? Was it accidental... or on purpose? To be honest, it was a little bit of both but they only can see me one way... which is I REALLY am too honest/ straight forward/ naive.

How do I take in those criticism? Two ways... One is yes, I agree and the other is not. I agree that sometimes I am too honest, which I couldn't help myself! I don't like to lie to people, and I don't want people to lie to me too. Thus I feel really bad about myself if I do... which gets me 'killed' in the society today. Sigh... why am I born in this era? I deserve to live in the old times more, where people are more trustful and honest... not needing to lie and 'act' in front of people, just to please other people and 'blend' in. I guess I already explained why I don't agree being honest is a bad thing with these sentences too... My heart is saying no but my brain is saying yes. Lie! Cheat! Deceive and shoe polish! All of these are needed in this world now... I despise it but its a cruel fact that all need to obey to be a 'normal' human. Sad... really sad.

Whatever I said above, I still enjoyed the yamcha last night. It was really fruitful, and had a big impact in my heart. Finally I can lift the burden of my heart and see the 10 years crush REALLY fades away as she finds a man and in the end gets married. I wonder if I can love a person that much, that faithfully... in my future? I don't know... but I wouldn't find one who doesn't like me for who I am (first), before I change for her. I feel scared that I would fall in love with another girl who is like YL, the opposite of my dream girl... but fate is something one can't control sometimes. Oh well, time will tell. Adios~