Friday, March 12, 2010

Emo oh emo...

Sigh... lately feel so emo. Hate this feeling... but can't stop this feeling. Sadness falling on me like tears from above, can't run no matter where I go. Starting to feel demotivated although pretend to be strong on the front lines... Feel like just give it all up and leave this sickening world.

No I'm not lovesick... I'm just having a serious case of demotivation. Why? Because of THEM... my so called friends/ coursemates/ group members. I shouldn't be saddened by these couple of fools that think badly of me, for things I did not done to them... which I don't know why they still doesn't accept me as a 'real' friend. I did not kill their parents, nor did I do anything bad to them. I tried my best to be a good director, always giving a helping hand eventhough they didn't ask for it, be as friendly as I can... but still they treat me nothing more than a... 'person to work with', ONLY.

FML... fML... fmL... Fml...FmL...fMl...FMl...FmL...fmL.....!!!!!!! I am so weak to be disturbed by these petty people. I should ignore them and continue on with my life. In the future, I will not meet them anymore nor will I treat them as friends... as what they do to me now. Revenge is sweet, but it is not of my choosing. Like karma, I will do to people what they do to me, good and both alike...! Do not think I will be so kind and stupid enough and forget all of these things in the future. The fire will take a miracle to perish... the fire of vengence.....!!!

It's really sickeningly sad to see the girl I once love and would always be there for her... now treats me nothing more than a monster. I wish I never knew her... I wish I would not see her anymore, as every glimpse makes the hatred gone and comes back even bigger in the end. Why cant I tear out my heart and remove her image from it!? Why can't I go into my brain and destroy every memory I had with her!? Why is it so F**kingly pain in the inside that I couldn't do anything to erase it!!?! WHHHYYYYY!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!

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..... FML


Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Johor FYP trip, 1st week

Ah... finally went outstation after staying in KL for such a long time. Did went to Pahang on CNY but no stay over, so don't count... haha. Sat woke up early morning, get ready the final stuffs, played some final FB games, then my bro sent me to LRT. Was a bit late, but LG keep complaining when I reached there, swt...

My bag was so heavy... shouldn't have brought so many clothes. Lucky I could pull my bag as there was a function in the bag. I was sweating like a pig when I reached Pudu bus station as it was hot, I was carrying my freaking heavy bag (I didnt notice the pull thingy until nearly reached the bus station) and I need to help LG take one of her bag. She doesn't appreciate it at all I can see... so I'm doing it all BECAUSE I'm a man. FML...

The trip in the bus was five hour, but I didn't feel any carsick as the seat was comfy and there was enough space for me to lean the chair to sleep a bit. Unfortunately I sat beside LG, because KLiang wanted to sit next to JH, which I said I wanted to sit with earlier. Nvm... I know KL sitting with LG will be even worse, so I 'sacrificed' and let him the seat... which I know she thinks like I WANT to sit next to her. Again, FML...

In the whole trip I didn't talk to her, only offered help and sweets... cause I know she doesn't want to talk to me either, so both happy is we don't talk to each other. Reached Pontian, I was happy cause I don't need to 'stuck' next to her anymore. We went for lunch, and I ate Wan Tan Mee, Pontian style. It was reddish color as they poured something like chili and tomato mixture into the mee rather than black soy sauce. The mee was quite huge (cause I ordered big) and the bowl of soup that comes with it has a lot of food, including meatball, wantan and fishball. I thought it was cheap to eat so much things for a bowl of Wan Tan Mee... but then realised the price was near KL price, RM5++. Plus eating 2 piece of otak otak (50 cents each) and a cup of Sarsi, all cost me RM7.80. Who says Johor food was cheap!?

Feeling full, I don't mind the price. Then Echun's dad came, in his 4 wheel drive car. Not enough place for the 7 of us, so we 3 boys sit at the back, in the open space part. It was my first time sitting at the back of a 4 wheel drive. It wasn't fun when u need to squat at the back, especially when the car hit a stop, turning or a bump. But the taste of wind flowing through your face was... good. Our first stop was the temple.

Wow... the temple was HUGE. And beautiful too... with colors and carvings all over it, I feel comfortable being there. Echun's dad even paid for the joysticks (all of us) so we can start giving our prayers from one God to another. So long have I not done this, and I feel happy to finally able to do it again (cause parents are too busy to bring us to the temple in KL). I was amazed at all the God statues there, cause usually there wasn't that much in a temple. It was a big temple indeed. Following Echun's guide, we prayed the Gods in the right sequence. After that we had a look around. We decided to drop at the big Goddess of Mercy statue first.

The GOM part was more interesting, as when you kneel to pray, water will flow from her vase down to a bowl of water. It's because there is a mechanism on the floor that will allow water to flow when weight is put on it. Cool! There was also the 'kao chim' there, so we had a go with it (not all of us). I was asking for relationship question, so I prayed and throw the 2 piece thingy which I forgot the name. One opened and one closed, so I was allowed to continue. Then I shake and shake the bunch of 'chim' and finally one piece drop down. It was the same with EC's, so I throw the 2 piece to ask if it's the correct one, but both was closed. It means it wasn't the correct one, so I shake another 'chim' out. Another fell out, which was different. Again I throw the 2 piece and both came up different sides, thus revealing this is the number I was looking for.

I went to take the number and asked JH to translate it for me. It was too hard, so asked KL's help. He couldn't translate it either, so HAVE to ask the girls for help (LG was there, sigh). I was embarrassed when they asked 'what question were you asking?', so they could help me translate it. I said relationship, and they laughed, haha... So the answer was 'Your love life is not good. What you wished for will be nothing but an empty shell in the end.' Ah... so true! I actually already know the answer, but the 'kao chim' helped me to further prove that it was real. Was it a coincidence that the number I got and answer was true? I don't think so... The power of 'kao chim' was real, at least for me ^^

LH didn't get to ask as the 2 piece always end up on the same side, thus it is fate that she won't be able to receive the answer... but must seek it out herself. Then we have a walk at the pond area, where there are beautiful fishes swimming around. Then to the well, I don't know if it's a wishing well but we can scoop the water out and wash our hand or face with it's refreshing water.

Finally the time has come for us to go to Echun's house, after passing the permission letter to the temple people. Echun's house wasn't that big, but quite wealthy too. The whole house was nearly using air-cond for cooling. She also have a dog, an expensive breed. We unloaded our baggage and later her mom cooked dinner for us, which is very good...! A professional cook, just like my mom, haha. XD

Around 8.30pm we went to the temple again in her dad's truck. This time no need to kneel as there was no baggage on the back. I love the feeling of riding at the back, as the wind blow through my face... so free. Started recording a lot of stuffs, from the Tiger God event, Hit the bad man event to the God possession event. Very informative and new... my first time experience. Went back quite late. But before going back to Echun's house, her dad bring us for a midnight snack. The porridge there was Ex-Ce-Llent! It was no porridge I taste before... Johor style? Nice! ^^

The next day all was so tired, we slept till nearly 11am. Echun was sick, so we went there late as we need to wait his dad finished his badminton session + sending her to the clinic. Couldn't shot much, so we went back in the evening for the night shoot. The night shoot was again shocking, as this time there were 2 Gods in the presence at the same time, so they went to chat among each other in some kind of deep Chinese language, then walk around blessing the temple and give us a number to buy on the coming Wednesday. So special, haha...

Final day, Monday. Went for breakfast at a Malay store... was more or less like in KL, but their Milo Ais taste better. Shoot some morning scenes, which is a the final wrap up. Then went back, pack up and get ready for the trip back to KL. Will miss the temple and the friendly people there, but there is a parting for each meeting. Reached KL around 8.30pm, then went back as bro fetched me back.

There are a lot of fond memories in those 3 days... but there are some bad ones too. I don't know if it's my fault but I sense that LG doesn't like to sit beside me in the bus. Whatever the reason is, it made me really sad... and mad. Who needs her!? If she wants to sit alone, then let her be. I am getting more and more pissed at LG's attitude. Some how all my good doings are scaring her more and more... is being a nice guy so wrong!?? Does she think I have a bad intention behind all my good deeds? Sigh... FML!

Saturday, March 06, 2010

Going for Johor!

Finally, an outstation trip... after so long! (blame Daniel for not organizing the PD trip after so many times talking about it) This trip was meant to be a case study... an assignment. We are doing a documentary on a temple in Johor. EChun took some videos of the place earlier... and I tell you, the place looks soooooo nice! It's beautiful, colorful... the perfect place to relax and get away from city life. And in the video if I'm not wrong, it looks like the temple is near a beach or kampung, something like that. Good! I can relax on the beach when I feel like it... IF I can la, haha..... XD

Whatever it is, I will not let LG make my mood down for tomolo (or today, since it's 12.16am now). I will be the director AND project leader... so I must do my best and BE the best! Yaataaaaa...!!!!! ^O^



P/S: I will try to get more pics to let you guys see how pretty the place is... XD

Friday, March 05, 2010

So siu hei!

Hoyoh... I thought LG was more mature than most people liao, turns out she is also very fast siu hei one. Just now I MSN her and asked her some stuffs. She answered. Then I tease her 'You sure r? Just now u were chatting in lecture too wor... haha'. And guess what she replied?

"if u tak percaya me why u ask me o... u try ask other lo..."

I terus cha dou... then, trying to make her not so angry, I replied "haha, dont marah la... just asking for fun, lol"... then she terus no reply me liao. SO siu hei betul... I also malas to layan her anymore.

Looks like the once girl I thought was so kind, pretty in the inside and the outside... is slowly turning into an ugly monster. A friend of mine overheard her conversation on the phone today, said about her "she talk about someone.. say they so sweet now.. but later wont be so sweet.. cuz "sum tam" as time goes by.."

Oh my... she's turning from bad to worse in gossiping people liao. Sad to see her like that... is it she's taking too much pressure until turning into gossiping to release her anger and frustration/ sadness? I donno... and I shouldn't care.

F**k why am I caring about her so much again!?!! S*it! S*it!! S*it!!! ><''


Wednesday, March 03, 2010

She just don't care

Sometimes I really don't understand LG... that day I already told her I'm sick, yet she still keep pestering me to sms another group member to discuss about our FYP related stuffs. Not even a word of asking if I'm ok or not, only bug me on work stuffs. Do she think that I'm lying or avoiding responsibility when I say I'm SICK?

And yet I still talk to her and treat her so nicely on MSN, when I should be mad at her. Sigh... I need to wake up from this dream/ nightmare... fast! T_T

Monday, March 01, 2010

Jimmy's house for CNY

Last Fri, which was a holiday (Awal Muharram I think), we went to Jimmy's house for 'pai lin'. Mr Daniel no car, so for the first time I fetched him to Kepong in my Waja, lol. I could because it's near my aunt's house.

Around 3.30pm arrived, inside was only Jimmy, WingC, SG and her bf. It was lesser than I thought. YL wasn't there but I know she won't come since CM went back hometown and she won't drive alone to Jimmy's house. But it's no big deal, since being with my friends was the main purpose, not with her, haha...

Watch some movie and played some cards. No money was involved since nobody wanted to play (only me, Jimmy and WingC). Later Mr KH came, which was a surprise. Throughout the whole day he only teased me a bit, which was waaaaaaay better than what he did last time. An improvement, very good. If he continues on like this then maybe our friendship can be recovered like last time, before he started shooting me blindly on my blog. I never wanted war in the first place...

After watching the last movie 'Saw 5', which was extremely gruesome... and funny, we planned where to have our dinner. Since SG's bf is a vegetarian, they decided to go to a vegetarian shop way far, in Cheras area. KH offered to drive us there if I can't drive that far, but then it would be a hassle if he will send us all the way back after dinner. So I said I can drive if Daniel know the way, and drive to Cheras I did (without asking my parents for permission 1st, haha). But later I told my parents too and they were ok.

The food was not bad... especially the taufu bakar (very nice!). Daniel didn't complain much too, even though he dislikes vegetarian stuffs very much, haha. Then for a second round, we decided to go fetch Oon and went for yamcha. Yamcha at Momo, the place we used to go with David and Jane for yamcha last time. It was renovated and somehow too bright for me. The yamcha didn't last long since Jimmy need to send WingC back, but it was still enjoyable.

Sat went for relative gathering at eldest aunt house. Seremban relative also came over, and we had some conversations between cousins. We even add each other in Facebook. Another reason FB is a MUST in this life, lol. Had our first 'yee sang' (home made) and a lot of nice food to be shared among ourselves. The best times come when family reunions like these appears.

Yesterday and today feeling a bit sick, sore throat... sneezing and running nose. Some more this weekend have to go Johor liao, have to get well asap! Being the director and group leader, a heavy responsibility is on my shoulders. How I wish I have a gf now to cheer me on, in these times of hardship... ><

It's her birthday, again

 So today is 'her' birthday. The old me will be thrilled. It's like one of the most important date of the year, as important as ...