It's a dangerous environment

Ah, finally did what I don't want to do the most... to make my blog private. Terpaksa! Because I thought my classmates wouldn't be so com savvy... suddenly I heard W go and googled a teacher's email and find out a lot of personal stuff about him. So, being scared, I tried on my own email... walao! Really kena this blog. I tried and tried but no other way to change it. So to not cause any more trouble, I decided to make it private... for the time being, or until I find a solution.

The tension between me and W is getting stronger since MC told me her 'doings' that night. I totally don't want to talk to her, unless absolutely necessary. Weird thing is another friend of mine asked me 'why is W so like... anti-social now?'. I did not know how to answer him. I asked him who told him that, and he said LG also felt that way. Oh, really??? I doubt it's my fault, so maybe it's she getting more 'sucked' into the Anime world so she doesn't think interacting with ppl is important. Since she would abandon her friends for success, I'm sure that she won't live peacefully in the future... Muahahahaha!!!

CK too... I only talked to her once in school this week. Maybe she didn't know that I knew she talked bad about me... maybe she didn't know that I was deeply hurt by her actions as I treated her so nicely everyday... Whatever the reason, I don't want to continue a friendship that is not... giving me a good feeling.

This week although my heart was still deeply sad, I did forget the pain once in a while when I hang out with my new 'group'. Including me it consists of 2 Chinese boy, 2 Indian guys and 1 Chindian girl. Somehow a 'half Chinese, half Indian' group, we had a lot of fun doing stuffs. I was actually the total opposite of them (they curse, they smoke and they are cool) but somehow I was accepted in it, which is a good thing! We did our first sound recording yesterday, and we had fun doing it... very much. Can't wait to do the mega project later, which is the music video. We can do it, and we will squash W's group to the ground, into a pulp!!! YEAH!

Lately there is no more love in my heart... maybe that's why every step I take feels heavier these days. LG hate me, W despise me, YL just treats me like a friend... only friends and games to keep me happy, to keep me moving forward in times of down. Sigh, sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart... this world is better off without it.

More bad news

It's strange how life is not what it always seem... What I thought was a good person, is actually a back stabber. What I thought was a cute innocent girl, is actually a bad one in the back too. All of this I learned from that night, when I had an interesting discussion with MC (which is now one of my 'true' friend) on MSN.

It turns out she also 'feel' that I'm not hanging out with W and the gang anymore. Then I told her it's because I felt betrayed by W who wanted other new members rather than me. She said it was the truth, because it's her 'style' liao. She said like last time, W 'kicked' her away from her group because she feel MC wasn't good enough... and to her friend, YC too. Now she is doing the same thing to me just because I didn't help her enough in the last assignment (because I did not have a laptop). F**k you! Selfish B**ch!!!

MC felt the same way about W as me... and sadly she is in the same group in one of the assignment with her. I hope I could help her but sadly my group was full. She also said she felt sad need to group with her but no other group to join liao... poor MC. For now she is the only one who know's my pain and sadness in college.....

The news get worse when MC told me that CK was doing the same thing to me too. Saying how useless and worthless I am, agreeing to W's words... I was very saddened by CK's act. One side I was asking her for yamcha, joking around so happily... another side she was back-stabbing me with ugly words. Is it because of W? I did not know... nor would I want to know any deeper. All I want to do now is treat her no more than a classmate, not a good one but an unfriendly one. Good friends doesn't do that to each other...

So now W, CK and LG is out of the story. No more yamcha with the 3 girls... I hope. Yeah I know the 2 D's will be sad, but you 2 can find them yamcha anytime. Leave me out and say I'm busy with assignments, enough. It may seem like a small thing, but for me... I will not treasure a person who doesn't treasure me the same way. 3 gone but many more to go! Negative friends are better left out of MY life...

A shine of light

Yesterday was a glorious day... a happy day. One of my classmate who wanted to shift class wasn't granted permission. Luckily I asked to group with him since last sem, so he asked if I wanted to join his group. Yes! Just what I wanted... a group who is hardworking and talented... and most of all, they wanted me to join than me asking (which feels like begging) to join. They did a good job in video editing last sem, which is perfect cause we will be making a lot of video productions this sem.

Yesterday went for lunch with them. The dude was very funny and friendly. I was even more happy when he joke with another friend, saying that I'm a good class rep and he's not (Robin). Although it was just a teasing, that's the first time anyone said it to me. Guess that I value a little bit of 'praising' for all the shit I went through as a class rep. No one appreciates and said thanks... so joking about it is the best thing I could ever receive.

So W went off the hook... I did not do any 'vengeance' on her although I'm still hurt and mad at her for abandoning me just like that. This sem I will definately treat her colder and harsher... no more mister nice guy. Ignoring her seems to be working fine... for now. She will be the last place I turn for help, and the last place I will offer any help. Fair, right? >)

Ok... new semester will officially start soon... that means projects and assignments will come rushing in like mad cows very fast. No more time for love or affection or whatever crap people wants to say it or 'label' it... As long as I know it's true, I don't need to do any explanation to anyone. Like what Bon Jovi sang... 'IT'S.. MY..... LIFE!'

Pissed and sad

T_T .....kaerb GIB a ...kaerb a deen I

!!!!!!!!HHHHGRA ?!smes erom 2 rehtona rof niaga reffus ot ereh I mA ?!neppah ot denitsed lla siht sI .niaga dna niaga ,desu gnieb ylno si taht per ssalc 'ydobon' eht gnimoceb ,dniheb gniyats naht setamssalc rehto ym htiw deniamer evah dluohs I ?!ssalc tihc siht otni em tup ynitsed did yhw ,nmaD .setamssalc-xe ym htiw SC fo emag a gniyojne ...yppah os saw I ,devirra 'niap' eht erofeb yadoT

!!!...ahahahahauM .dias elpoep emos sa ...teews si ecnaegnev fo etsat ehT .rettam t'nseoD .....?reh ot detcartta ecno saw I esuaceb ti sI ?traeh ym ni emalf ereht si yhW .reh erongi tsuj dluohs I ?!?live os otni em denrut ,tnedicni diputs eno ,lrig diputs eno tel I nac woh ...tihS

!!!!!enim ot did uoy tahw ekil tsuj elbaresim efil uoy ekam lliw I ,hc**B tnarongi gnik**F !!!ahahahahah ...ti od erus lliw I neht ,rewop eht evah od I fI !!!ahahahahaum ,puorg reh otni yug yzal repus rehtona tup dna ...puorg reh gninioj ton si rehtonA .spuorg rehto gninioj ton fo ytip fo tuo puorg reh nioj dna 'loof' eht gnieb si enO .tfel noitpo 2 ylno s'ereht ,reh ta dessip gnik**f ma I dna ...tols ytpme eno evah llits puorg W ecniS

!!!ees dna tiaw uoy tsuj ,yad eno sleef layarteb woh fo 'etsat' a uoy evig erus lliw I ...elpoep etalupinam ot woh wonk ylno ohw stoidI !denrob saw I nehw live denrut evah dluohs I ...doog gnieb tihs os si tI ?!sdneirf doog dnif ot drah os ti si yhw ,live dna ekaf gnik**f os s'tI .em tuoba nmad a evig t'nod yeht ,gnikcip puorg revenehw tub ...pleh deen yeht nehw em ot emoc elpoeP .ti htiw ko m'I 'dneterp' ot evah osla I emityreve dna ...rehtona ot maet eno morf hctiws ot evah I tnemngissa puorg emityrevE ?stnemngissa laudividni evig srehcaet eht t'nac yhw ...tihS

!!!**uF ,kc** ,k**f .....das dna dessip repus m'I !wollef yzal rehtona htiw thgif neve t'ndluoc ...per ssalc a sa ,em dna ...maet eht rof hcum os did I emit tsal ehT .dessip m'I nmad ...hgrA !!!detnawnu ...os leef I naM .em gniksa naht rehtar ...maet reh nioj ot ,em naht yzal erom si ohw ,maS ksa ot derac W gnik**f ehT .smaet oiduA dna oediV aidemitluM eht rof xis fo spuorg ni seman rieht ni etirw ot repap eht setamssalc ym ot dessap I nehw yad eht si yllanif yadoT !!...em rof yad das ,das rehtonA !......hhhhhgiS

Hatred... can I really?

Yesterday started college at 8am, so freaking early... The lecture wasn't boring, so still can survive... haha. Then went for lunch with Danny gang at Steven Corner. Rush back for class ganti, which is full of people because nearly cramped 3 class into 1 class. Then dont know where to lepak, cause got 2 hours break... finally no choice, went to the pondok and sat with Robin, W, CK and Tommy.

Actually didn't really see W for quite some time even though the sem has started week 2, because I was still mad at her. Then realized I also didn't really look at CK the same amount of time. Rupanya the 2 of them have a 'new' hairstyle... Ck cut short her hair while W's hair grew longer. Hey... wth am I so ambil berat of their hair!? -_-''

Anyway W talked to me like nothing had happened... which I just replied with short sentences. I can't totally ignore her else they will know something's 'wrong', so I must reply one way or another. Then Dak came, luckily. So I started to chat about games with him till times up and we went for tutorial. I shouldn't be mad... should I? I hate these feelings.....! ><

It was 'Arts law'... which sounds pretty serious to me. At first the 'lawyer' came in with black glasses, making me feel that she's a mean and strict woman. But later when she taught us, it wasn't bad! She knows her law very well, and somehow I was interested in her teachings too. Maybe because I want to hear more examples of case studies. MC say she's pretty, haha...

After that went back. Then they going GK to celebrate LH's bday at 7pm but I couldn't go cause bro took the car until 8pm. Later knew from FB that Daniel saw CK in Wangsa Maju... so I asked them if they wanted to yamcha, and they all ok. So I became the driver and fetched Daniel, CK to eat (she haven't eat dinner... and it's 10pm!) at BRJ. I also long time no go BRJ liao...

Chat, ate, drink... David joined us later. It was fun with CK around, as she's a cute girl with funny expressions and have a mature thinking to boot. I was mostly having the -_-'' look when she and David made those 'jokes', lol.

She also asked me 'why you so quiet when we were in the pondok today at school? is it because what we were talking doesn't suit you?' o.O!... She also perasan r!?! Swt betul... but I just lied and say some excuses. Sigh... future endeavors in school will be much harder than I thought ><>

Today morning had a fun chat with MC in FB... It sounded like this:

MC: Yesterday celebrate lh birthday til very late...today wake up early in the morning..go kolej....the staf inside lab said tis week no practical...i heard people said got...then kns waiting bus bec home...wait dao siao~ balik rumah...z.z.z.z.zz.zZZZZ...i am so blur!!!!!!!!!!

Me: haiyoh, y no ask me b4 go? later need go back for lecture pula...

MC: i tot everyone aso go ma~later i din go ler...sianz.....tq u aways care for me...good brothr...

Me: wah first time ppl call me good brother... next time call me 'kai kor' la, lol... XD

Mc: kai kor is wat????

Me: abang angkat, haha...

Mc: jason...abang angkat ...hi!

Me: yes adik pilla... u not going lecture later ka?

Mc: ya..bang.......wan me tel how many time......lol

Me: ok dik... cya later

Haha, it's so fun chatting with MC... maybe cause she's lonely like me, nothing else to to, no one to talk to. Sigh... this sem really making me sometimes feeling so up, sometimes feeling so down. Headache and siennnnn!!!

Second friend's wedding

Yesterday was a marvelous and funtastic night! It was one of my good friend's wedding, SP or Siew Peng. Last time we always yamcha together before she moved to S'pore... those were the good times, haha.

Anyway, yesterday morning started by following Daniel to his Jap class. I went to Times at Pavilion to read at some books to waste some time. Somehow I went to the It & Comp section, where I read books on PS and Flash. It's rare for me to be that 'hardworking' and semangat... maybe because new sem is here, need to be 'outstanding', haha ><

After meeting back with Daniel, went for a walk at Sg Wang and Lowyat then went back to Melawati to have lunch with David, at 3pm++! So hungry... the rojak was delicious, lol. Then Daniel sent all of us back to get ready for the wedding.

7pm wedding starts but he only came to fetch me at near 7pm, really OMG! Tambah lagi with traffic jam as we went there, we reached at 8.30pm and were nearly late before the wedding ceremony starts! Remind me to call him move out one hour earlier next time -_-''

The ppl sitting on out table was YLing, SG, Oon, CMing, Daniel, me, Sum's gf, Sum, Jimmy and WingC (in order). CYen is going for the Perak wedding dinner. My seat lost the souvenier but luckily Jimmy and WingC gave me one of theirs, thanks! It was a wedding couple hp accessory. All the food served was vegetarian, including the shark fin soup 'lookalike'. Ate till very full, the food was not bad at all...! XD

SP was busy walking around to layan the guest with his husband, Ronnie. We managed to take some photos, luckily. I wore my dad's present from China, which was a white sam fu. I was teased looking like the 'emperor', hahaha... Lucky I wore a t-shirt inside else I would dress like the wedding couple's relatives' who all wore cheong sam and sam fu. It was an enjoyable moment hanging out with friends in a friend's wedding ^^

After eating the last dish, we thought of waiting SP and take some pictures but she was still very busy. So no choice we had to say goodbye to her and we had our second round yamcha at Wings, somewhere in Jalan Kuching Lama (or Kuchai Lama?). SG's bf joined us. At first we cho dee, then we played 'Police, Killer and Doctor' with the poker cards. It wasn't as exciting as the 'blink and die' style but still enjoyable and we had a blast playing it. We soon went back around 1.30am, sending Oon home too. Continue FB at home and slept around 3.30am... siao, haha XD

---

Love note: As usual, my eyes were all on YL that night. Although I felt she would look nicer with a little less make up, she still melts my heart dressing so nicely in a brown gown, earrings, necklace and high heels. YL, oh YL... when will you find the love of your life? ><

Snooker near TBR

Today went to school at 12pm... woke up at 11am cause yesterday slept at 5am, so damn tired. Arrived in the parking lot and saw W's car, don't bother... Then into the lecture hall. Saw Alvin sat on one side, so I sat at another side. Wanted to go sit there cause LG sat on that side, but resisted. I don't want to look 'desperate' again. But when the class end I did say bye to her, seems like a routine to only say bye to her every lecture, haha...

After finished business with the lecturers, plan with friends on where to eat lunch. Then saw LG, which will also be joining us. Good... the more the merrier! I asked them if they wanted to take a lift in my car but because too many of them, some of them walked there (including her).

After parking my car, me, Robin and WMing head towards TBR. Saw an empty seat beside LG. I know WMing wanted to sit there, so I hurried my steps and sat next to her, hahaha! He already sat next to LG in the lecture hall, so my turn la right? lol... but actually I dowan to sit opposite of Kid only :P

We chat and ate... LG didn't eat only yamcha as she wait for her bro to fetch her. Although we sat next to each other, we didn't really talk much as we talked to other friends. So near yet so far, sadness..... Then she went back. Later I play pool with Danny, lepak a while in the snooker center which is located in TBR and then went to fetch my mom and bro from LRT.

Sigh... lately MC is having a headache of finding partners for the coming assignments, which is the same problem for me. At least she got 1 partner, I have none. W already said of finding a new partner, so I wouldn't want to go back to her group (although I want to group with CK only). Like a bubble, I am floating aimlessly... awaiting the time to be picked and 'popped' into a new group. Sad betul...

Sabar, sabar!!! ><''

School reopen but busier than holidays!

Wed went out... Thursday also went out! Tired, pokai... but super fun and enjoyable!

Wed we went for karaoke at Sg Wang. MC suddenly pm me in FB and told me on that day itself... lucky my bro was back from school at that time else I would not have any transport to LRT. Alvin also didn't go, so I went even though LG and CK didn't (I tried to persuade them but failed).

Overall it was fun. The most shocking was when I heard MC sang for the first time... her voice was very nice... beautiful in fact! Except LG and WingC, her voice was the best I have heard before... for a girl. Really shocking since she's a really quiet girl in life, haha... Other than that nothing much happened. Somehow Kid is trying to be good with me, so I 'tried' to repay back the favor. But in the end he did not want to go back with MC and wanted to go for movies, leaving me to go back myself. I was a bit mad cause I waited so long so we could go back together but end up dumped alone. Oh well... couldn't blame them 100%, haha.

Then on Thursday night saw MC's post in FB, asking anyone if they want to join them for dinner at Genting Klang. I asked Daniel and he said ok, so we went there later at night. I thought it was supposed to be only 3-4 person there, suddenly a bunch of people also joined... making a total of 10-11 people, including us. Luckily there was enough seat for us in the end else Daniel sure no syok liao, lol... After dinner we play 'Police and killer' with poker cards. It was actually fun although a bit uncomfortable because we are sitting on a straight role due to the square tables. I became cop once but failed miserably, haha... (Why do people always think I'm the killer when I'm not? -_-'')

Hanging out with young people do make us feel young once again, haha... I can see that Daniel was enjoying it, and he's not a bad 'killer' too (maybe having small eyes is an advantage, kakaka). Then yamcha with David where we talk about old games, movies and 'stuffs'.

That's all... oh, Alvin and CK broke up, so did Kelvin and Jui Ning... Sad to see 2 couple apart after nearly a year being together but Alvin was totally not a good bf. He's very emo... and the reason they broke up was because he loves anime more than her. Really WTF!?! Had a long chat with CK on Wed night, but she doesn't seem sad about it. She's actually getting matured lately, totally the opposite of her labelled as 'emo' last time. Yes, good... you are a good girl, and you deserve a person way better than Alvin. Gogogo girl!

First day of Sem 5

So the school have finally started again... With a half heavy, half light heart I head over to the college at 8am. The teacher was late. I look at the hall... where should I sit? Last sem without question I will find where is W and sit next to her or nearby her. But not now... not anymore. She have left a pain in my heart and I will not sit with her anymore.....

Went to sit with some U6 boys. Since I hang easily with people, I have no problem mixing into the gang. We chat, joke and talk... but somehow my eyes still look at 'that' place, sigh!

Finally the teacher came. There was some jokes, flash animation shows and 'acting' being done in that 2 hours. It wasn't boring and when I heard that his assignment needs a max of 2 person per team... my heart feel sad again. Shall I wonder aimlessly for a partner? Or should I do it alone this time? I feel more of doing it alone to prevent myself being used and hurt again...

After the lecture was over, I look over at 'that' side. W and CK was gone... but LG was there. Haha, LG... she still dress in plain and simple, but still look good for me. Maybe I was being 'perasan' again, but I feel like she's looking at me a couple of times. So finally I looked at her for a long time, waiting for her to look my way... which she did. Then I waved hi, and she smiled and waved hi too. Then she went back, alone. Like the wind... she comes and goes.....

Later thought of going out with Danny for snooker, but the emo Alvin was there... plus I need to go to the bank, so I skipped. Went back home and the lift was out of service, damn! Have to walk up 12 floors with pain, as my knee hurts nowadays... ><''

A sudden night movie

Last night I was suddenly invited by Daniel to join him yamcha with Eve, Gwen and Aaron in The Curve. Since there's a free ride and my holidays are going to be over... why not? So after parking the car, we went to meet Gwen and Aaron at a Laksa restaurant where they were having dinner.

After chatting for some time, we head over to the cinema to see if there is any good movies while waiting for Eve. When Eve arrived, we somehow are redirected for yamcha at Kim Gary. There, Eve was having dinner when another guest pop up. It was Ah Wai... and he say he saw me some where before, and vice versa for me. Maybe a long time ago in one of those KBox outings?

He also had his dinner there. After chit-chatting, we realized Daniel and Eve was the most 'siao' among us all, haha... Gwen can get a bit high too, although she was mostly 'quiet'. Then we head over to the cinema and watch 'Sorority Row' which starts at 12.10am. I was a bit 'shocked' by the loud noises from the sound effects in the cinema than the sudden killings. The Asian actress was hot too, haha...

After cinema we became 'bodyguards' and escorted Eve and Gwen to their cars. Gwen drives the same car as I do, haha... Then we head all the way back to our car and reached home around 3am. Although I was tired and slept around 4am (because of FB), I had a blast with the new 'gang'... But don't do it too often else I will really burn a hole in my pocket, haha :P