Fifth semester is coming soon...

Aihh... the new sem is coming soon. Usually I will be happy and can't wait for the new sem to start... the anticipation and waiting is a good thing. But this time I do not feel it anymore... it's actually sad and depressing. It's because I need to find a new 'group' when the sem starts.

The feeling of loneliness and confusion is bitter without a group to hang on to... I feel totally lost in the pit of abyss. No, it's not because I need a friend to cling on to. It's because I want to help them... as much as they help me. I will be happy in this mutual relationship... but now without a 'group', where am I to go?

I didn't know this would have such an impact on me... why should I care for people who doesn't care about me? Maybe it's because I put too much faith and hope on them... that they will do their best for me as I will for them. This trust is broken and I am deeply saddened. Why is it so hard to find true friends that will go through ups and downs with you in this world? Is true friends even harder to find than a needle in the hay?

Four more days to go... and I doesn't like the feeling at all. I wish to change class and forget all those so called 'friends', but with the class rep responsibility on my shoulders... I feel it is an irresponsible act. I must stay strong and face this challenge once again. I remembered last time when I have to change from one group to another in order to do group projects... and it was a terrible feeling. It is not that I am 'unwanted'... but I am the so called 'reserves', only picked because no group to join in. Now I felt what MC felt last time, when W didn't want her in her group. Hey, now W is DOING it to me! F**K her!!! >0

Forget it... like Eminem said 'You selfish B**ch I hope you F**ked in Hell and Shit!'. All I can do now is regret, learn and continue on with life. And even though I'm so mad, I still wish her Happy Bday yesterday... Damn! I'm like a good guy trying to be bad but gone all wrong... Shit! Shit!! Shit!!!

Hahahahaha..... Going to be crazy like Daniel liao, roflomgbbqsauce.....

That sicky feeling...

Argh... yesterday and today also feel sick. Have a bad sore throat and feeling weak all over... like going to fell ill any moment. Maybe it's because this week I went out for too much excitement liao. Long time didn't fell ill... and luckily school only reopens on the 5th. Had a check of my wallet and realized I used around RM100 in these 2 weeks... wth!? Happy... but sakit ><''

Yesterday had a chat with SP and gave her the link to my blog liao... so can't tease her in my blog liao (not that I did... did I? :P). Her wedding is coming soon, which fell on 10/10. Luckily I accepted her invitation earlier cause the next day another goof friend of mine also gave one, and they have the same day, same time! So sooooooooo sorry to my friend UmaShankar cause I can't go for your one as I already promised SP's side first. His bride is none other than Kavidha, haha... may God bless the two of you for all eternity! ^^

Oh no... the feeling of lovesick is slowly coming back... I can feel it. Luckily I don't see YL every week else I really will 'kena penyakit teruk' once again...! Please let her find a good bf as soon as possible... please dear God, please! I really wish for her the best... as my heart will be sad if she can't be with someone who can take good care of her for the rest of her life.

Thinking too much again...! *Piak!*

First love is the deepest...

Yesterday went out with a friend... to meet up with another friend for breakfast/ lunch. After chit chatting for a while, we head over to YL's house. She sounds happy when I said we wanted to go to her house, haha...

So at her house... I was happy, yet a bit awkward. Not every time do I spend time with her with so few ppl around. We chat a little and planned what to do in her 'so quiet' house. Finally with a little push, we were able to convince her to go out to 1 Utama. Else she would stay at home and watch HK drama series, haha...

At 1U, we thought of watching a movie but there was no suitable ones. So we had a scroll around 1U, then went to for some waffles as tea time/ dinner. Just the 3 of us still we had quite a lot to talk... which is good as long as she's happy and not bored at home. Finally the time for goodbye has come, as we company her to her sis which will take her home later. With a sad heart I say adieu...

Later came back and yamcha with Daniel, as David couldn't make it. We chat a lot on some love related stuffs... which in some weird way, I have the same philosophy as he do, lol... Being committed is not easy, although I wish I were in his shoes... sometimes. Like what most man will say 'Yau lui yan fan, mou lui yan yau hai fan'. Haha...

Later that night Dota with my friends and I told her today I was happy as I went out with my 8/9 year crush. He said I was very keng, but I said I was actually stupid... to cling on to something which will never happen, unable to let go. Then he said he respect me and then *tabib*... lol. A lovefool I am... am I not?

2 outing to cure the 'boring'

On Monday went out with the Jimmy, WingC and SG for karaoke at The Curve. Luckily my dad was back and so they decided to bring my grandma for a stroll at Ikano, since I'm heading that way. If not, take LRT can be quite a hassle...

CMing was supposed to join but suddenly say food poisoning. So we sang and ate our hearts out in Red Box. After that went for a stroll to find a good place to sit and 'yamcha'. All in all, we finally decided to go TRG Friday's. It was my first time at TGR, and it was really fun as I have seen on tv. The waiter was friendly and sometimes funny yet helpful too... although the price was a bit expensive, the food was not bad. I would go there more (if I am working), haha...

After that went to Tesco to shop for some grocery and Jimmy sent SG home before sending me to the LRT. Slept all the way to Wangsa Maju, which is nearly 40 min. Tired but happy.....

Yesterday went out again, with Jimmy, WingC, Daniel and Yling. It wasn't planned but sudden, cause YLing said she was bored, and Jimmy was at WingC's place. So he fetched YLing to our place for yamcha and dinner. Jimmy wanted to go for Chili's, but I mistaken Nando for Chili's, haha... So from Jusco Wangsa Maju, they meet us up and we went to search for a 'hidden' Jusco, somewhere deep inside Carefour area.

I was shocked to see a small Jusco there. Fooled 'twice', Jimmy was unhappy to see there wasn't a Chili's there too... haha. So no choice, we went to A&W cause YLing looked tired and restless due to hungry-ness, lol... The 5 of us spent a long time there as we chit chat, ate and looked at Daniel's Tibet vacation pictures, in his DSR camera. We also get free souveniers, which is some holographic postcards. It wasn't expensive but looked nice... a good value for money! Thx dude!

Then we head over to Cola Club, my suggestion. The food was not bad, a bit pricey... but there were live singers there. Too bad they started quite late, else we could enjoy it more. WingC said she need to go back early cause she's working the next day, so they left around 10.30pm. Oh, David also joined around an hour earlier before they left.

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YL... It's so nice to see her again. Although it will still be fun without her, but it's much 'sweet' if she is around XD... Listening to her on how she wants to go to Tibet too with her sis, I wish I was with her on THAT trip. Looking out for her... protecting her... taking nice shots of her and with her... Ah, that would be like a dream come true! However if she went there with just her sis, I felt uneasy... scared for her safety or never seeing her again. Although we are just friends, but I cared for her so much more... much much much more. But I couldn't tell her that as it may ruin our friendship. Seeing her happy is all I want. Take care YLing.....

Just 'friends'

Sad... Last semester was an enjoyable one. Why? It's because I thought I have found a group to hang out with... A group to share happiness and sadness together... A group that will do our work together... Truly one 'group'. But alas, all was fake and momentary. W just told me that next semester she don't want to be in the same group with me anymore. Why? I dont know why... Maybe she doesn't think I'm useful enough. Maybe she wants to try out new members. Whatever the reason is... I'm sad that she doesn't involve me as a 'part' of the group anymore.

Sigh... I know these things happen to many people, including me. I should not mind, care or keep it in heart that I doesn't belong in 'that' group. If they doesn't appreciate me, why should I do the same to them? But still I'm saddened... it's because I treated them truly as my best of friends, but did not received the same back. We are just normal 'friends'...

But I will stay strong! If they are not my true friends, then I shall keep finding for the ones called 'true'. I will not do anymore silly moves like help them do their assignments, when they are not in my group. I will concentrate more on myself and MY group... helping people nowadays is just a waste of time and energy (to most ungrateful people). Why am I so silly and stupid to always offer help to people, when I can't even help myself first?

Kindness... it's a trait I should have thrown out the window years ago. It has given me little help but mostly pain and misery. When can I become a 'normal' human being... a smart one... which only do what that is needed to be done, not any more or less... in order to take care of myself first? I must... I MUST LEARN TO SAY NO!!!

Another bday outing with my friends

Last week Sat we went to Kepong to have dinner and celebrate Jimmy + CMing's bday. At first should be me driving Sum there but then his gf also going, so we can't fit into Jimmy's Kenari. So no choice, into the 'Batmobile' (Honda Civic) we went!

Strange but this time Jimmy recomended us Satay Celup as dinner. Not that I'm complaining but at RM1 per stick... I think it would really burn a hole in our pockets. Plus after they survey, they wasn't many ppl inside there, haha... So we went back to the Steamboat+Teppanyaki style buffet that we went last time to celebrate YLing's bday.

It was fun, we hang out and chat all night long. Those involved were Sum and her gf Dianne (did I spelled correct?), WingC, Jimmy, Cming, Yling, SG and a person that didn't joined us for a long time liao... Sophiya! She didn't change much after all these years, haha...

One thing that 'shocked' me was when I first saw SG and WingC... they were back from a free cosmetic thingy, and man... their make-up was TOO much! It wasn't pretty in my opinion... like the time Zhao Wei over make-up in Kungfu Soccer, hahaha... But like SG said 'Jason still like the girls with natural looks', haha... she understands me well! ^^

Yling came and as usual, my eyes was on her (slap myself*piak*). Although she dressed 'cincai boncai'-ly, I didn't mind at all. I tried to joke with her as much as possible, because when she's happy... I'm happy. I cooked a lot for her too, haha...

Spent nearly RM30 to celebrate 2 friend's bday... which was totally worth it (ouch). Next bday celebration should be mine... I think. But that's on November! I want to hang out with them more!! >.<>

First time mad at LG

Yesterday was making a plan with MC to go out with the gang and fly kite... yes, the real fly kite in Kepong. But sadly most of the responses are either not going or see first. Then LG suddenly MSN me and ask me about the plan. At first she say want to go, then change her mind and say see first. It's because she don't want me to tell MC that she will go then FFK later...

This is what makes my blood started to boil... Then in a happy attitude she said 'I have never FFK ppl before'... WHAT?!? Deep inside I still remember the incident clearly, where we went for David's bday in Mid-Valley and she FFK us, when we are ALREADY there! And she dare say never fkk ppl before... so I just kept quiet and didn't say a word about THE incident.

Still I was mad... I keep 'advising' her that I, too, don't like ppl to ffk me. It's rude and make ppl unhappy. Then she keep denying of ffk-ing ppl, and ended with a 'hahahaha'... so I closed her MSN without replying her back. Denying is bliss I guess? -_-

Why am I so mad at her because of a simple 'ffk'? Maybe it's me... but I feel that she take things for granted. She doesn't think what if her actions will make ppl upset... she enjoys life just like that without giving anything back in return and her only skill is talking with ppl. Her weaknesses like forgetful and bad in using computer software are terrible, yet did not do much to fix them. No, I will not help her anymore since I did that so much in the past... and I don't want her to cling on to people's help and in the end, could not stand on her own two feet.

What will happen to her in the future...? I don't know. All I know is I should not care too much and just help her like an ordinary friend... nothing more.

Another outing with LG

Thursday night I went out with Daniel, his bro Kevin and LG. It was a bit weird that LG is following us out, since it was actually to help Daniel buy his backpack bag. So after fetching LG around 9pm, we head over to One Utama. During the whole trip I was talking with LG at the back seat.

Then reached One Utama, it became me and Kevin talking most of the time, while LG listens and Daniel chatting with Eve who came to pass Daniel his lenses that Jessie Tan borrowed. Daniel bought the expensive backpack which cost nearly RM400. When Eve left later, it became LG talk with Daniel and I continue chatting with Kevin.

So we went for yamcha. The conversation was still the same... and sometimes I listen to what they say (LG and Daniel). Somehow I was a bit sad (or maybe jealous) cause what they talk are always those serious and love related stuffs, which doesn't involve me. Talking with Kevin made me realised that as we grow older, our life becomes less fun due to love, work and life. True... yet sad.

Then on the way back I did not talk with LG anymore... It was all LG and Daniel talking, while I listen to the radio and enjoy the sceneries outside the window. The ugly green monster is consuming me, but I hold it back. As we approach near to LG's place, Daniel offered to walk her back, so I didn't need to do that too. It would be better if Daniel do it too.....

So why am I still feeling this way? Is it because the feeling is still there...? One big weakness is I couldn't forget so easily, it takes a long time to totally forget that feeling. This holiday will be a good time to heal myself... and next sem, I vow not to look at her or even go out yamcha with her anymore. She likes another guy and it's time for me to wake up from this dream.

One thing I learned from Kevin is guys are egoistic, they like to sacrifice themselves to make girls happy although it will make them suffer in the end while girls are self centered... they love all the attention but only chose the best for themselves.

A boring break is approaching...

Aii... left next Sat for exam then will be bored at home liao, for nearly one month! Mr Daniel so ngam also going for vacation for 22 days, making me rot at home even more, haha... David pula busy with his programming (never ending) and my other classmates will go back hometown after exams too. SIEN!

Don't worry, I will find something to do... either benifitial or fun. Saw something I hate on FB again... it's that arrogant CS posting some crap for me to see on FFS (friends for sale). He 'bought' CMing, which is my 'pet' and write his nickname with 'some ppl so free dowan study and always go play fb'... so I tulan I bought back CMing and change his nick to 'Arrogant people knows nothing but themselves and making enemies'. Hahaha... I'm sure later that 'boy' will continue doing it, which is fine with me since I'm having a holiday now (or soon)... wakakaka! Bring it on you lowlife! >)

Haha, too sien until crazy liao... I think I will be learning on how to improve my Flash skill during the holidays. I wonder if I can post it on the web for people to play it? Oh well... until next time, ciao!

The end of sem 4 is coming

Hmm... donno should I be sad or happy. Yes, the end of semester is coming... I will be doing my last presentation tomorrow, then wait for next week Sat to take one exam only (English), which should be a walk in the park. Then I won't be able to see my college friends for 3 weeks + -.....

Doing this final assignment with W made me felt a bit guilty and sad. It's because I did not have a laptop, and all of them went to W's house to finish the assignment... and all I could do is finding sounds/editing them and pass to W through MSN. Also searching for some ingredients from the supermarket.

What I did, was it sufficient for the flash assignment that they did for the whole night without sleeping, until 7am? Guilt is consuming me... and I don't know if they think I'm worthless in this assignment. Thought about finding another new group next sem... if they really don't find me helpful in the team. Sigh... why am I doing this to myself? They don't really think that... do they!? >.<''

Argh... watever! Really need to stop making my ownself miserable by thinking too much... T_T

A day with LG

Yesterday was a tiring day... the day before I only got 2 hours worth of sleep, doing the freaking MSN and story Flash assignment. Then I realised I cant link it all together... and none of my friends know it because I use action script 3.0 -__- So no choice, called LG and ask for her help cause she using 3.0 also. So I went to the library to find her.

Thought she was the only one there, bit looks like JH, the guy I thought she like last time, was also there. He's very close with LG and is one of her team member in doing group assignments. We chatted and see each other's project. LG's MSN was better than mine but my story assignment was better than hers. Turn out she couldn't help me after all cause her one is helped by another friend thus she don't know how to do it at all. Oh well... T_T

Then the 3 of us went to TBR to eat, buy and print some stuffs. It was fun as we chat and talk about stuffs (including me teasing LG in numerous times, and JH 'helped' me, haha...). It's funny how I am able to mix in with their group so easily... cause most of their classmates didn't. Whatever the reason is, I am always happy to mix with more groups than concentrating on one. I like to be the 'Jack of all' than the 'King of one'... XD

Although I know she likes a guy from her hometown (not told by Daniel but my 'informer'), although I'm a bit sad deep inside... but overall, I still wish to be good friends with her. Yes, I maybe upset by her actions in the past, but when you want to be a true gentleman, you need to forgive and forget. So I can only keep the pain inside and show the happiness out... no, I will not reveal the sadness out nor shall I be labelled 'emo', the type of people I hate the most! ><

As it was a tiring and happy day, I later went out yamcha with the two Ds in Cola Club, which is now renovated and looks way better than last time. The atmosphere was very relaxing, with the 2 live people singing. They were talented and the songs they sang was all top notch + my favourite songs. Hanging out like that is what I love to do with my buddies... ^^

I didn't feel tired at all although only slept 2 hours... but later when I reach home, I was dead sleepy. Happy day... end! XD