Just 'friends'

Sad... Last semester was an enjoyable one. Why? It's because I thought I have found a group to hang out with... A group to share happiness and sadness together... A group that will do our work together... Truly one 'group'. But alas, all was fake and momentary. W just told me that next semester she don't want to be in the same group with me anymore. Why? I dont know why... Maybe she doesn't think I'm useful enough. Maybe she wants to try out new members. Whatever the reason is... I'm sad that she doesn't involve me as a 'part' of the group anymore.

Sigh... I know these things happen to many people, including me. I should not mind, care or keep it in heart that I doesn't belong in 'that' group. If they doesn't appreciate me, why should I do the same to them? But still I'm saddened... it's because I treated them truly as my best of friends, but did not received the same back. We are just normal 'friends'...

But I will stay strong! If they are not my true friends, then I shall keep finding for the ones called 'true'. I will not do anymore silly moves like help them do their assignments, when they are not in my group. I will concentrate more on myself and MY group... helping people nowadays is just a waste of time and energy (to most ungrateful people). Why am I so silly and stupid to always offer help to people, when I can't even help myself first?

Kindness... it's a trait I should have thrown out the window years ago. It has given me little help but mostly pain and misery. When can I become a 'normal' human being... a smart one... which only do what that is needed to be done, not any more or less... in order to take care of myself first? I must... I MUST LEARN TO SAY NO!!!