Tried my best not to talk to LG or even looked at her the past 2 days. Yes, I did manage to do that, but somehow I feel a part of me is gone... I know she is looking my way, wanted me to look back at her and at least give her a smile like I usually do. But I could not... as much pain of a thousand needles, I resisted. I do not want to spark my feelings once again... I want to end it once and for all, I know I must...
Yesterday I did the first step by not attending her class like I usually do (cause I want to see her, so I will attend her class, just for fun... last time). Today I could have done the same thing, but I got some home works to do and wanted to hang out with my friends there, so I give it a try. And as expected, it was so unbearable... she sat 2 sits away from me, with no one in between, to show the teacher some stuff on her laptop. All I did was doing my own work, as hardworking as possible, to not look her way. Soon, I could not stand it anymore and stop doing my work, walked behind her and hang around the class, chatting with other friends.
Soon she finished discussing with the teacher. She had a walk, and it was past me. I did not look, not even a glimpse or a hi... and she just walked by me like a stranger. Did she try to say hi to me, I did not know... Later she left with another guy friend, and I rushed out to see her slowly moving away from the building, with the guy. As her image becomes smaller and smaller, my heart becomes lonelier and lonelier... she was out of sight, and my heart just stopped. How could I be so cruel to do this? Am I doing the right thing?? Is making her a stranger in my life ever going to heal the pain and loneliness??? I..... I....... don't know..........
Just two days and it is already killing me inside out. Two days seems like two decades... Tomorrow I decided to take a day off and concentrate on the assignments that is rushing in, and to heal my soul from this unbearable loneliness in the heart. I curse myself for being so weak, so fragile, when it comes to these feelings... Am I too immature as unable to control my feelings as I desire? Is love such a poison that will stay in me for a longer time than everyone else? How can I dispose of these... emotions? When will I turn into a man, a man that will not let love conquer him but himself?
Nobody to answer me... but this 4 empty walls..........
15 comments:
Awwww.... another 7 years again? Better find a way out fast.
crappiness...
haha the wonder of Firefox firebug... helps me remove the stupid div... ehehehe
anyway... u need to grow up a bit more
David> donno, maybe this will be faster... who knows? only time could tell
Daniel> good la, dont know, dont mind, dont care, bye bye... haha
Another case of "Can't put her down"..everyday emo yourself with her.
It's not everyday, but somedays... It will pass soon
ehh.. u know hor.. if u avoid her, it will make her think you are just befriending her because you think you got chance with her..
WTF... haihz..... means if can't get her, you want to avoid her.
are u sure she will think like that? hmm... it's not that I don't want to befriend her because I cant kao her, it's just that I'm giving myself a time off from her...
of course I will still ask her out for yamcha and stuffs, its just that the time is not, now...
ok, I will try not to avoid her tomorrow... maybe avoiding is the wrong way I'm using to calm myself down. oh well.....
Eith> ah, same old u... if I will never learn, so will u... have u ever listen to what I have been telling u all these years? think about it... look in the mirror and think hard..... lol
i stand corrected, your chat box is hidden from main view....
smart, but not quite does the trick.... lolx...
really LOSER lar....
kept on deleting comments only.... :x
a very biased blog i shall say....
Eith> you just keep telling me craps about myself, what about yourself? you never listen to people's advice, keep on thinking that you are right, blasting people's blog like you own the place and yet you thought it's the RIGHT thing to do... do you really think you are the holy man or something?
Inconsiderate, selfish, egoistic and rude, that's what I call u...!
but then, u will say what I wrote are rubbish and u r the right one AGAIN, right? lol... u r really ignorant.
the difference between u n me is I will do it the considerate and well manered way, while you will keep blabber away like no one's business, rudely...
thank you for labelling me rude and ignorant... i don't deny it.... unlike you, whose always in self-denial... perhaps this is what you can learn from me...
LOSER...!!!
If I'm a loser than you're a barbarian, lol...
A-HA....!!! got it right on the spot... Klingons are barbaric don't they....? i always consider myself a Klingon, barbaric but honorable...
what you're doing is not honorable... especially to LG and W....
thank you for reliving my true identity....
PS: why do you always have to add the abbreviations "lol"... it makes whatever you say, not serious... JOKER...!!! oops!... LOSER...!!!
Man u r sick... u r totally in ur own world, denying the bad facts and changing it into some crazy nonsense. why the hell would u call urself honorable!? urgh... dont make me sick...
I keep using lol because u r damn kao funny, making all those nonsense and STILL think u r right all the while. U look like the joker more to me, hahaha...
no no... the joker am I.. wakakakakaka..
Anyway one thing though, is you memang have to do some changes in your life ..
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