Boring update

It's the first week of my holidays and I'm already dead bored... the other PC haven't fix, so no DOTA=more bored! So what to do, play Restaurant City in Facebook and 'My Brute' to cure a little bit of the boringness...

And when you're bored, you sure will have a lot of free time to do nothing. So LG again pops into my mind... that's why I hate boring holidays! But I noticed how silly man are to make themselves suffer (include myself) by thinking these stupid and useless things, while girls will not waste even one minute thinking about the boy... That is why although man are born with physical power than won most woman, they usually lost in terms of mental strength too (man get tension faster than woman do, scientifically proven). That shows how equal humans are...

Idiotically I suddenly have the urge and smsed her yesterday, asking how is her exams, is she back in hometown? One part of me says there is nothing wrong doing that, cause we are just friends... but another part of me says how stupid it is to that, because it will sound desperate and weak. F**k, I did it already, don't give a S**T about it anymore. And she haven't reply me... not that I care (haha...).

I need to change my attitude since the second year of my studies is coming... change my image too if possible. Change my feelings cause it's useless... and change my target too. Be a stronger class rep and a smarter student... This is my vow for the second year! Yataaa~!!

Final exam sem 3 finished!

Ahhhh...! Finally the last exam S@A is over! Although I help my classmates earlier by posting the answers for the tip questions, I didn't really remember all of the answers myself, sad... But still I'm happy a lot of ppl are happy to download my answers, helping ppl are so satisfying ^^

After exam as planned we went for yamcha... thought of asking LG too but then I remembered:

a) I shouldn't be treating her so exceptionally good, she's just a friend

b) we may go cc after that, which will bore her to death

So since I see no benefit at all (and she wouldn't feel anything as I help her to socialize with her  classmates), I decided to not sms her. Heck, today I saw her earlier (fate has a nasty way of bumping me with her wherever I went) but I didn't say hi to her at all... and she didn't do it too. Always ME saying hi first, can't she do it first for once!? Whatever, I don't give a damn...

After yamcha at TBR, went for some L4D at Infinity... we won more rounds but lost in terms of marks to the opposite side. Still, damn fun and syok playing with classmates, hehe. After nearly 3 hours of cc, we went for dinner. As we ate, we joke and hang around so happily... this is what college life is all about! Later Danny sent me home and I have to walk up 12 damn floors as the lift is still broken... tired, but happy.

Sitting down on my pc, I opened my MSN and started to play 'my brute' when Daniel suddenly called and asked if I wanted to yamcha... Sorry can't join you dude because I was really tired and don't want to get all awkward again, sitting there and listen as you guys chat and I do nothing. Blame me cause I'm still shy to strangers, haha... >.<

So the holidays are coming up... what should I do with it?

Doesn't give a damn...

No, I mean HER! Today after I parked my car, coincidentally I saw LG too. I waived to her and she waived to me, but then I got a phone call asking for the exam slips I'm holding, again. Later when I look back, I saw her moving further away liao, not waiting for me at all! I was like... 'WTH!? Why don't she wait for me!?'... Even if a normal friend, you should also wait for her/him and walk together to the exam hall mah. Looks like I'm much worse than a normal friend...! So inconsiderate or just plain ignorant!?! Argh... and I even took the initiative to ask if she wanted to join us for lunch after the exams, stupid me!!!

But looking on the positive side, her actions really is making me more pissed of her... bravo.

Because of you

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery

Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

This song really shows a lot what I am feeling inside right now. Not all, but most of it... It's a wonder that how an individual can give you everything but at the same time could cause your world to crumble into ashes anytime too. That is why I should learn to stand tough, forget those precious moments and memories before it could really cut me skin deep... I am no one to her, why should she be my Goddess? Forgive and forget..... tsk, easier said than done.... But it must be done, it must!

Sick and tired of LG

Last night went for yamcha again with Daniel and LG, David couldn't make it as he was sleeping... haha. At first she doesn't want to go, but then I thought Daniel might be bored (or me?) so I smsed her again and asked her 'If tbr, want go?' and she replied 'yes'... Haha, I'm happy to know she is persuaded.

So to TBR we go. Yamcha was supposed to be fun, but again it was half half only. Maybe it was due to the fact she likes to talk about love related stuffs so much, and Daniel was entertaining her more on that subject. I mean... it's ok to talk about love SOMEtimes, but ALL the time!? Urgh, I think I'm suffocating man! X_X

And as expected, I hear those 'painful' and 'negative' responses from her, like hinting to me that I can't woo her until after she finished studying. Although I already knew, her repeating it over and over again is definitely not good for my ears... like needles keep on poking on my heart. Yes, I'm a fool to fall for this kind of girl. But I will definitely 'jump ship' when I found another love boat.

Why? Cause me and her is having different views... she thought she can find 'stable' love when entering the working world, while I believe true love can begins anytime, anywhere. If love and effort is done by both sides, why couldn't it last? Why must it last ONLY when you're in the working world or when you got money? Those are more materialistic type of love, which I totally despise. Yes, you need money to make love 'survive'... but 'money love' will not get you till the end, pure love will. Anyone thinks that money can bind a person to your heart... think again!

I'm getting sick of LG and her 'philosophy in life'. Although we do click, but it is like me doing most of the stuffs... and it is putting a toll on my heart. I'm getting tired... restless... hopeless. I hope I will not need to find her yamcha that much anymore next sem, since she's way too far to be invited (not like NOW is not far enough!). And I don't want to hear anymore of her 'rejecting love' stories/ philosophy, STOP IT! It's damn demotivating!!!

Yamcha and CC

Last night went for yamcha at Steven Corner with one of the lecturer, for the first time. Since I'm driving, why not add more fun? So I called David, Daniel and LG if they wanted to join. Daniel couldn't because he was 'busy' while David was out in the cinemas. I called LG, and she said she's just on the way to eat dinner with her sis, asked me to wait 20 min, so I agreed.

After fetching her, on the way she said her friends from the society asked if she wanted to join them at Steven Corner first, but she rejected them! Now she went there to meet another group... what's her excuse!? She said she will use yamcha with the lecturer as an excuse, haha. But end up they're at Station One, so she went there 1st while I head to Steven Corner.

The lecturer was really there, but he looks boring. Of course he is, since he's the 'smoking and talk about mature stuffs' type while most of us jokes around and talk about games. Later LG came and seems a bit boring too, except talking to the lecturer, haha. Soon we head over next door for L4D. LG came later, after meeting her friends again, but didn't play as FPS games are not her type. But after finished, I asked her and found out she prefer the game beside where she is sitting... which is DOTA! Lol... I told her if she were to train, she will be able to play with us, the boys... since most girls won't play Dota, haha.

So I fetched Fong, CK and LG back to the hostel and my bro back home, from his gf's house around 2am. Then I heard his friend was mugged near Tarc today. Now only did I realised there were ppl who got mugged INSIDE Tarc! Wow, those idiot thieves are really brave. Armed with Parangs, their crime took less than a minute, and they're gone! If I were to see them in the act, I will definitely knock them down with my car... those Bast*rds!!

But on the football side, MU was able to advance in the Champions League as predicted. Strange thing is only Liverpool draw then lost to Chelsea! A lot of teams are scared of Liverpool this season, wonder why they lost... hehe. Next match, MU vs Arsenal! Go MU!!!

A good friend...?

Lately been busy with assignments, so rarely got time to meet LG. But still, almost everyday she got sms me... either asking me how to do the assignments/ ask me why her laptop comes out problems/ telling me her new address next sem. It was good yet bad at the same time... I am still wondering, what am I to her? Am I just a normal good friend, a big brother... or more?

I know I am foolish to put so much hope, yet these feelings are so hard to control. What I can do now is live on, hoping for the best or a twist in fate in the near future. Oh no, my sickness is back! >.<

A crazy college life

So, I was feeling a bit down earlier... so try to go back to my old routine and forget her, ignore her, treat her nothing more than a friend. Easier said than done, I suddenly wanted to ask her for dinner with my friends. But she ran away faster than the wind, making my 'ambil berat' useless.

Still, I try to enjoy my dinner without thinking about her. Suddenly she SMSed me, thanking me of teaching her Photoshop and enabling her to pass up her assignment. Danny was right beside me, but she didn't thank him (the other 'teacher' that night). Feeling so happy, I foolishly typed too much SMS than I should have... thus ending the SMS in just 2 reply, bummer T_T

Forget it, she's doing another one of her 'seducing' tricks, cis...! But in college another 'war' has happened. CK and Alvin, who just became a couple not long ago, suddenly faced each other in bad moods today. It was all due to a small misunderstanding, which was caused by W, CK's good friend. It's weird how easily they get together and now how easily they might split up again. Is love supposed to be like this? So fragile and unpure...??

That is why I told my friends if being single, the bad thing you may feel lonely when you see a couple so close to each other... But if you're committed, the bad thing is... damn a lot, don't know where to start! Haha...

Feeling happiness and sadness at the same time

Lately maybe go out and meet LG too much d, making me feeling slightly more happy than usual. But with more happiness comes more sadness, because I know we can't be together in the end. Fake illusions and hopes made up by my mind, argh...!

To make it worse, I heard from my 'spy' that Kid says it was LG who kao him, not the other way round. Of course I should believe LG more than him, but this sudden news do make me sad... a little bit. Then she said LG likes to talk about love with everyone, making a lot of ppl 'sien' with her liao. But why does she talk so much about love when she herself isn't involved in one?!? Weird... sigh!

And yesterday I stupidly felt 'hyper', called her and asked if she passed up her poster design already or not, and telling her the lecture is cancelled (nobody informed her). In a 'carefree' tone I also asked her if she wanted to yamcha at night, but she told me she's not free because of assignments, so won't be joining for any yamcha this and next week. I was disappointed, but understood her situation...

But today I surfed other ppl's blog and realised she went for pasar malam last night! Kns, said busy but went pasar malam pula...!? If dowan yamcha say dowan la, no need make up excuses... which makes me even more sad knowing she lied. Ok, it's not her fault but mine for putting so much hope on her once again, right? Fine... no more yamcha with her until the beginning of year 2. If she doesn't like it, I will not force her too. Go pasar malam la, we don't need u for yamcha. Shuuuh!

Haha, there I go writing my thoughts on my blog again. I'm sure David and Daniel is laughing right now, lol... Oh well, I'm not REALLY mad, just a tiny weeny bit mad. Girls really make the boy's head spin and spin like gila babi. I think the biggest weakness for the male species is the female species, haha...

Stired but not shaken

Yup... once again my emotions are stirred by hanging out too much with LG. But it will not shaken my will to not approach her more than a friend. Her friendliness and needs from me is nothing more than just a help needed from a good friend. Thinking beyond that will not only compromise our friendship, it will also make us feel awkward when bumping into each other in college.


Last night went for yamcha with LG again. At first she wants, then cancelled because Daniel was getting late. But I called her again and told her we will just yamcha in TBR, and she agreed once again. Soon I realised she went back hometown with 2 classmate to do studio recording at her place and just reached hostel before I called her... wow!

It was fun and entertaining... although there are still some time when she got some secrets that cannot be heard by me (but Daniel can, cis!), I don't mind... cause everyone got their own secrets right? Although she was tired, but we still had an enjoyable night at TBR. David joined us later and we chat until near 2am. Another reason she wanted to join us eventhough she's tired is because she wanted our opinions on her movie poster.

Not having a girlfriend but a 'girl friend' is better than none, right? >.>; lol

A memoriable night

Last Friday, as planned, I went to my friend's house for a stay over. Those joining were me, Alvin, CK and LG who will be staying over at Danny's house some where in Cheras. It was meant to be a 'study' night, where me and Danny will be teaching them how to use Illustrator and PS as the date of submission for the assignments are coming soon.

So after dinner outside, we head straight for Danny's home. His house is quite big, 3 rooms, and only she and her sis lives there. Her sis usually stays over at the bf's place. So CK, Alvin and LG took out their laptop and starts to surf the internet/ do their assignments while I went for a bath.

The night was fun. We chatted and gossiped around, mainly with Robin as the main title (cause he recently are disliked by a lot of ppl due to him talking too much). We even chat about ML, Danny's crush. Poor Danny... looks like LG told him the truth, which isn't good news as ML is a girl who manipulate boys to do work for her, from the first sem till now. Danny is one of the victims too, and he didn't realise that because of the 'power of love' :P

I couldn't stand it and slept around 4am, a while later after CK. Alvin also slept later after me, while Danny and LG chatted the whole night away... until around 7am where I woke up and then only did they slept. I continued sleeping and woke up around 11am. Shocked, I saw CK and Alvin intimately sleeping together in the guest room. Danny and LG saw it later, and got shocked too.

LG told me she couldn't do 'that'... unless until after marriage. A bit surprised, I told her usually youngsters nowadays will do that. If both party wants to do it, why not? It's not like they're 'doing' it on the bed, just hugging each other which is a good 'bonding' process for lovers. Nevertheless, LG's mature and 'traditional' thinking is what I rarely see in youngsters nowadays, haha...

Soon we departed back to TARC, cause CK need to attend a special resit lecture. After dropping CK, we went to Wangsa Maju for lunch in Alvin's car. Then LG followed my car and I sent her back to her hostel. In the car she said overall Danny was more pro in PS (ouch!) but she likes my style of teaching more, which only teach her and gave her more freedom to do her own ideas by herself. She accidentally told me this 2 times, which I still happily answered again as though it were my first time hearing it... lol XD

So from the stay over, I managed to understand LG a little bit more. Danny said we were thinking the same thing (I also shocked) about helping Robin, although he is not liked by a lot ppl nowadays (mutual understanding +1!). She doesn't want to be involve in a relationship until after studying for fear of 'puppy love' (my sadness +1). She may work in KL after graduating, love kids and staying indoor. She usually tries to 'sabar' to avoid conflict (like me +1!) among classmates and sometimes 'letup' when she sabar too much (but rarely).