Yet another educational yamcha

Today was pre-release in the morning... we rushed to EM because we were late after sending aunt to work. Luckily reached and haven't started. But then found out that David put our lucky draw into box D, which is 36 boosters but only drew it on the last round of the last day! SO I asked the Malay guy to help us get it IF we kena... dunno if he can be trusted or not but it is our last hope. Please kena! Haha...

Then we ate. David was the luckiest, with 3 mystic rare which exceeds the RM70 he paid for the pre-release. Lucky Devil him~! I only got one expensive card while my bro's card was worst. Me and David won 3 while my bro won only 2. Daniel came for a while to join us for dinner and then went to see her gf.

After reaching home, my bro went out. I later fetch my aunt and bring her to the clinic for a check up. Then we ate and I sent her back. After changing clothes I straight head over to Jimmy's house because I was late. Mana tau I reached, he not yet reach... waste my petrol speeding only >.>

Followed his car to a new yamcha place... forgot the name liao. With only me, SG, Jimmy and WC, we went for Coffee Bean and yamcha while chatting on various topics. There was a part when Jimmy asked me if I was still in love with YL. I said yes, and this 'feeling' is hard to disappear unless 1)she is married or 2)I am married. He said I could make it go away if I wanted to, but believe me... I tried and tried, so many times. You can see the whole process in my blog if you don't believe it, haha...

But it always come back to her... my heart just couldn't let her go. Maybe the love is too strong... maybe I am a lovefool... maybe I am cursed like this for a long long time..... Whatever the reason, believe me... I just want to love her from far away. I will not think any further as I know I am not worthy nor does she love me. But love is like that... sometimes it is enough just to see her happy... cause it makes me happy too.

It was an enjoyable yamcha... although there was time when it hurts talking about YL (yes, the pain is inside the heart only, you can't see it from outside, only I can feel it myself... haha). Mr. CS that I hate was also there... but I seldom look at him and never greeted him at all. Heard that he recently break up with his long gf (but I bet I love YL longer than she love her gf... only difference is mine is unsuccessful but he is, haha), which is a sad thing because break ups are never good. He must be hiding the pain real good cause he don't look like a person who is heartbroken at all. Oh well... some ppl are strong in handling these rejections... I know I'm NOT.

Finally it was time to leave (we were shooed away by the security ppl). Strangely Jimmy and WC asked me to send WC home. Aik... isn't that Jimmy's job? lol... But she said it was near, so ok, fine with me. She paid all the toll to her house but the journey is NOT near at all, lol. Used a lot of my fuel, ouch~ I don't want to complain but I need to cause I only got a limited amount of fuel money per week. Anymore then I need to use my pocket money to cover it up, which is also very limited, haha... I guess once or twice per month is ok, cause I know it is hard for them to yamcha that far away from their home too. I get to know how to go to Wingc's place, roughly. As long as everyone is happy, I am happy... XD

YL... I am still missing her since meeting her yesterday. Need to focus on my work and forget her... Yosh~!!! ~The End~

No matter what

No matter how I tried, no matter how long or where... I still could not forget YL. Argh...! Yesterday was my first FNM in EM. While playing, suddenly YL called. I accepted the call normally, but deep inside I was very happy. Listening to her voice on the phone was so rare, as though I could only here her voice in the noisy room... I was even happier when she asked me if I want to yamcha with them later. Earlier I actually told WL that we are going to meet him after Magic, but when she asked me... I totally forget and said 'YES', haha. My words didn't say it out but my heart was yearning to see her every week. Shhhh~! ><''

As we talk, I keep looking at her and her beautiful eyes... last time I was too shy to even look at her eyes, honest! But now I have the courage to look into her eyes and talk to her. Why? Maybe because deep inside I know, this girl I loved so much for so long will soon fall into the hand of another... if I don't admire it now, I may never be able to in the future... when she found her other half. Yeah, she didn't comb her hair, it was a bit messy but I still love her as much, lol...

Ah... but I also saw another good quote from Jess's blog, or whatever they call it... It says something like this: "Although I love you very much, it is better if we keep our distance and remain as friends". So sad... yet describe my situation perfectly. She deserve a better man, and I am very happy and grateful just able to see her every week, even though I am not the one.....

She have to stop making jokes to me...! My heart skipped a beat when she said "I am old already... If I don't make a move now and no one wants me later, you want me ah?". Inside my heart, I wanted to say "YES, 100% I will!" but instead I said "Won't one la... don't worry. Love cannot be rushed". Sad right? Haha... ~To be continued?~

A lazy weekend

Argh... my friends have finished their intern but I am still stuck with 1 more week to go. This week Monday was a holiday, which I really enjoyed. Can't enjoy holidays unless u r working, haha. Then took 2 days off my myself to do some work at home. The video, second part, doesn't have sound!? Wth is the cameraman doing??! After much trouble and time wasting, I finally found out that the cameraman used another 'channel' to record the sound. The Mr Lee department was busy, so they can only help me convert it next week. Sigh... but 1 problem solved, okla :)

Yesterday kena tuut by the supervisor... saying she wont accept excuses. Does facts consider as excuses!? At first I signed into FNM, thought of learning the ups and downs of the production industry. But she said if you join FNM, it means u want to learn how to become a director... wtf!? She added that if you don't want to be a director, then you should go other places for intern. Urgh... sabar, sabar...! Now I know why the WHOLE FNM hates her, cis!

Forget that woman...! I tried my best to be good with her but she STILL makes me mad. Sien!!

This week no yamcha again because YL and CM going to Bangkok. Sad, but couldn't be forced I guess. But pre-release of the new expansion in Magic is tomorrow, yippee~! I hope I get an expensive card to cover my cost~ haha. Darren getting married in Penang this weekend, sadly I couldn't help him out as he needs to be in Penang on Sun and Monday, and Monday me and my bro also busy. Next week is my last week in FNM, yeah~! XD

A fun weekend with friends

Ah... another week filled with fun and laughter with my friends, without needing to worry about work and studies. Doing intern only but already I feel a little tension on work life... that is why I am not rushing to work at all, lol.

Anyway last week Sat we went to Malacca. Yeah it was a bit pain on the wallet but well worth it! Drove to Jayaone to meet with them, then drove my car to park at WingC's place. Me, SG and Jimmy went aboard WingC's car (but it was Jimmy that drove) and away we go to Malacca at around 11am~!

Traffic jam like siao... bummer! Looks like a lot KL ppl also have the same thought as us, "3 days of holiday should be spent outside KL!" Haha... So we chat along the way and in the end too tired and slept in the car (all except the driver). When we woke up, we were near Malacca, finally! So me and SG went down 1st and book a place to eat the "chicken rice ball", and luckily we were the last one! Need to queue and get number for a small restaurant like that, I was like... "Wow, really so famous meh?". Then we went to our sit while waiting for Jimmy and WC. They parked really far so it took some time for them to reach.

Finally our food arrived. I really forgot the last time I ate it (I was below 10 years old then) so I thought it was really nice. In the end we were given a couple balls of rice and a plate of chicken. I was like "WTF!? These only!??". And sadly, yes...! So I ate it, feeling extremely hungry. Ok... it taste nice and special... but OVERATED! It wasn't as super as I thought... just special because the rice was in the form of balls. WTF??!? Now I know I don't need to crave for this food anymore since it is just a bit special than normal... and damn pricey to boot!

Then we went walking around Chonker Street. Like Petaling Street in KL, there are a lot of stuffs there, and damn pricey to "chop" foreigners and visitors like us. I thought of buying some souvenirs but cancel it due to the price. I would have bought it for my love one, if I ever have one... haha. Anyway the best thing about the walk is we were able to try more special food, which is baba laksa and nyona curry (if I am not mistaken their names). Yes, this is good! Not too pricey too... I will take this anytime over that chicken rice ball!

SG wanted to buy some toto numbers, so we bought one using 1 number from all of us. But no strike though, haha... Then we walk back to the car. Poor SG walked painfully there because her high heels are not meant to walk far distance. I wished I could help her but all I could do is slowly follow her. Then when in the car WC borrowed her sandals to her, which she wore until we went back KL.

After the street we went to a shopping mall because Jimmy wanted to test the new IPad2. It was cool no doubt... but we were playing the games more than the functions, haha. Then we left for Seremban to buy Seremban Siew Pau.

Got a bit lost there but finally found one, called Empayer Siew Pau. But there was a restaurant there too, and the siew pau was inside it. Special place... so we decided to sit down and eat dinner there, since a lot of ppl was there too. And we were not let down, the food was fantastic! We ate belacan kangkong, one pork meal and a crab. It was pricey but all of us was happily full. So we count the daily expenses and in the end I paid RM50, which was a discount of RM7, haha... I think SG too. Thanks Jimmy and WC~! ^^

Thought of yamcha but cancelled as we were late when we reached and we decided to go for breakfast the next day. So the next day we went out again, Sunday (yesterday). I drove to Jimmy's house and parked my car there then followed them to Jalan Ipoh for dim sum and pau. I like it very much but they said it was "ok" only... haha, looks like my taste buds are way different from them. Apart from last night's gang, YL and CM also joined. We ate will we were full, sharing our meals. In the end all need to pay RM12 per person... not bad. I was happy because I was able to taste my fav cha siew pau again! hahaha XD

Then we went to Kepong Jusco to watch Thor. Actually I already watched it for free with Daniel on Friday, but since all wanted to go then never mind, watch again la. Before that we went to shop for SG's sweater because she didn't bring it and will scare cold in the cinema later. Finally bought a purple sweater, then we went for Old Town Kopitiam for lunch and yamcha before the movie starts. Jimmy complained that we should went for Coffee bean, but I suspect he anti old town, haha... Coffee bean cannot eat la, ol' buddy~! :P

After a nice yamcha session, we went for the movie. Watching it a second time makes me understand the movie more. All of them enjoyed it. Then it was time to say goodbye, and we split. Jimmy sent SG back before going back and then I drove back home myself. A fabulous weekend, its a pity Daniel couldn't join because he was busy with exams and flew to Bali on Sunday.

One thing I learned from the trip is that SG went for a fortune teller and what she said influenced her a lot. Debbie, the fortune teller, tell her that she needs to find a bf from outstation and need to give birth now or risk giving birth when she is 40+ years old. Because of this she thinks of going to the sperm bank... wth!? She is a nice girl and I enjoyed hanging out with her, but I really think she should have more faith in herself and not believing entirely what Debbie said. She should have more confidence in herself... love will find its own way, no use rushing it. Whatever her decision is, I hope she will have a bright future with her love one... ~The End~

L O V E... love?

Love... such a strong word. For me it meant everything... and sometimes nothing. It's weird... sometimes I see people in love, I envy them. I hope I can find my other half too, and spend my time with her. I won't be lonely, I have someone to talk to, someone to share my ups and downs and a person who will be there for me no matter what. A fantasy that comes true...

However there are times when I see so many broken couples, so many arguments and disagreements among love birds, then I will feel glad that I am not in their shoes. When you have a love partner, your responsibilities adds... not by +1 but by near +infinity. You need to constantly be a good boyfriend, a responsible lover and in the end... a dad that your children can look up to. The pressure keeps building up, and it cannot be stopped. If somehow you suddenly 'explode' and wants to end it, then the consequences and pain you bring will not only affect yourself, but many more people around you...

Such is the life of a man... the challenges a human need to face no matter what... a destiny you need to endure before you end your life (except for bachelors/ virgins... haha). Like the teaching of Buddha... All man is born to suffer (in various ways) before they die......

Yamcha cancelled

Sien lor... last week yamcha cancelled... and I was so looking forward to it too T_T It was because Jimmy went for dinner and so late liao still not yet ordered it, sigh... next week hope no cancel.

Why so I want the yamcha so much? So that I could see her? That is part of it, but not the most important one. As I said before, yamcha with friends help me release tension, which is building up this week, argh~!

But on Sunday morning, suddenly Mr Daniel called, and I was so syok sleeping too! But it was a called for help, and I will not ignore any people who requires my help (sound like Superman?, haha). So I went to LRT, fetch him and his gf to his uncle house, take key, then send them back. The good thing is I managed to find back my old favourite Nasi Lemak, yeah! XD

Looks like Mr. Daniel has a lot of problems although went for vacation in Korea. All the best to him to solve his dilemma. Oh, this phrase maybe suitable for him, which I saw in Jess tumbler today:

"If something is important to you, you'll find a WAY. If it isn't, you'll find an EXCUSE".

Maybe not for him but for another? I dunno... but I definitely support this phrase as it is a fact that we did not notice in our own selves. A problem will not solve itself, we are the ones who will solve it or risk it becoming a bigger problem in the future.

Suddenly I became so knowledgeable and wise, wakaka. But actually I'm the weakest and most naive among all, sadness...... Thats all for now, ciao~!

Another day another night...

Every week seems to bring in new flavors. Sometimes sweet, sometimes sour... sometimes tasty, others shitty. But most of all, I look towards my favorite day of the week... Saturday night. It is the night where I get to release my stress and hang out with my friends. Weekends are the best when you are working, and you don't really feel it when you are a student, haha... ><

This week started good... then suddenly turned catastrophe on Friday. I was 'advised' and 'scolded' by my boss for not graping the opportunity when I am placed in the production department. At first I felt that I am not entirely too blame cause I thought they will ask me if I want to follow them during shootings, then I realized it actually works the other way round. She said that if I wanted to join them, I should ask them when the opportunity arises. Yeah, it was my fault for being 'dominant' and too shy to ask.

Thinking hard... I feel that I am not suitable to be a director in the future. I am not aggressive enough, nor will I sacrifice my time in doing late night shootings or travelling outstation anytime when work calls. I want to work in a stable company, from 8-5, not needing to OT or travel so much. Those traits are all not available in a director! So..... with a heavy heart, I think I should pick another road to walk, sigh.....

Whatever the reason is, I will stay focused and continue my studies. Many people don't get to work in the field they studied anyway, so I shouldn't worry so much... right? Trying to make myself better? haha...

Yesterday yamcha with Jimmy, Wingc, YL and her sis + CMing. Six of us only but I had a very good time. I can forget the world and just enjoy with my friends... free and easy and not giving a damn about the world. It was worth it even though I need to 'pass' my parents permission to drive so far, so late in the night. YL even got prettier with her new hair style with no dye. She still haven't make her move to try out for the guy she fancied, but in the Jaya One, Old town Kopitiam she 'like' a status of the guy in FB.

A first move, but a big step for her. I wish her all the best to try out for that guy. Cause I know the feeling where you feel there is something 'inside' that couldn't be let go, still clinging to that small hope that he/she could be with you, if you tried. I know I couldn't... but I wish you could, YL. All the best in finding your future... you deserve a better man.

It's Magic time!

Magic is a card game... and it's a very fun game. Currently busy thinking of how to make a cheap standard deck so I can join FNM for the first time (because its free, haha). And best of all... it keeps me focused and occupied, no time to think about love related stuffs. Yes...! XD

Go go go kuldotha red!

An educational yamcha

Yesterday yamcha was one of the most memorable yamcha of my life. Why? Cause YL's sister came, and we talk about some stuffs that involve me... and YL. There was laughter most of the time... and the hidden pain in my heart too.

First of let's talk about YL. I dont know if I mentioned it before but last time she asked for my opinions on how to make a guy fall for her that she was interested in, in MSN. I gave her some pointers of course, but after that I didn't receive any news from her so I thought it was over. Yesterday proved me wrong... she is still in love with a colleague in her office, yet too scared and shy to approach him (so does the guy, who she say likes her too). She also mentioned another guy who is now courting her, for quite a long time too. At first she say she doesn't like him but after quite a long time of non-give up courting by the guy, she is slowly accepting him.

This means that she will either go and have a try at the guy she secretly in love with (we gave her some ways to test and approach him in a more indirect way) or fail and go with this never give up guy instead. Whatever the option is, finally she's in love... which makes me happy and sad at the same time too. Still, my only wish for her is 'go for it YL! you deserve a better man'...

Mixed feelings are in my heart at that moment (and now) and somehow I don't know how but we chat on and EC (YL's sister) said I am too straight forward and honest... which is a bad thing (they said). We laughed about it... and me being too honest and naive is a fact. Actually it was my fault... I tried to make a joke about it but it turned out I was saying 'forgive me, I was just being honest'. Everyone laughed... but then I am puzzled about myself. Why did I said so? Was I trying to make people happy... or is it really my own characteristic that I couldn't stop? Was it accidental... or on purpose? To be honest, it was a little bit of both but they only can see me one way... which is I REALLY am too honest/ straight forward/ naive.

How do I take in those criticism? Two ways... One is yes, I agree and the other is not. I agree that sometimes I am too honest, which I couldn't help myself! I don't like to lie to people, and I don't want people to lie to me too. Thus I feel really bad about myself if I do... which gets me 'killed' in the society today. Sigh... why am I born in this era? I deserve to live in the old times more, where people are more trustful and honest... not needing to lie and 'act' in front of people, just to please other people and 'blend' in. I guess I already explained why I don't agree being honest is a bad thing with these sentences too... My heart is saying no but my brain is saying yes. Lie! Cheat! Deceive and shoe polish! All of these are needed in this world now... I despise it but its a cruel fact that all need to obey to be a 'normal' human. Sad... really sad.

Whatever I said above, I still enjoyed the yamcha last night. It was really fruitful, and had a big impact in my heart. Finally I can lift the burden of my heart and see the 10 years crush REALLY fades away as she finds a man and in the end gets married. I wonder if I can love a person that much, that faithfully... in my future? I don't know... but I wouldn't find one who doesn't like me for who I am (first), before I change for her. I feel scared that I would fall in love with another girl who is like YL, the opposite of my dream girl... but fate is something one can't control sometimes. Oh well, time will tell. Adios~

A random post Vol.1

What am I doing? Why am I lost?... What is the purpose of my existence? What do I long for?... Is it a fact or an illusion? To what extend will I sacrifice for it?... Is it worth it? Am I worthy of it?

So many questions sometimes pop in my mind. I guess being lonely has its downs after all, not that I didn't realized it a long time ago... But to cope with it is a challenge. To endure it is a test of wits. To surpass it is a long, long way from home...

Numb, soulless and chaotic... I walk along the path of life, not knowing what will come, not expecting what must be done. In illusions I drown myself to feel better, in pain I endure man's life. Sometimes I feel ready to be gone, sometimes I feel there is much I must do, before I am...

Too weak to struggle, too big to survive. Will I be a man, or a speck of dust in this world called earth?... I am not without feelings nor brains, yet I see nothing shining brightly in the tunnel of life. I am grateful of my surroundings but my heart yearns more... Is more better, or far worse?

Let it be, said the wise one. So let it be, I shall... I will work my way while letting fate takes it course. Will I live long enough to see it happens? I hope I will... because my heart is beating, my mind is wondering. Slowly but surely, only for her...........

By,

Ichitaka

I thought of writing a "letter" to YL here... I even drafted the letter in the office on what I wanted to say, yesterday (cause there was NOTHING to do in the office). But I changed my mind. Why you ask? Cause first, I know YL won't read it. Second, it's a waste of time writing it. It will only look sucky, emo and well... stupid too, lol.

Since life is about learning from stupid mistakes, I might as well write down some of what I intended to write in the letter. I wanted to first tell her how I first started to fell in love with her when we first met each other in college. It wasn't a made up story, but in my heart that time, I really felt happy, just the two of us... relaxing and talking in yum yum park. And it was also the truth when I had an instinct then that I know that it will not last, and you will sure leave me soon... and it did.

Heartbroken, envious, mad and sad because you were in love with 'ah fai', I swifted my emotions when ylin become nice to me. And it ended in a tragedy too... it was also my first time to shed tears for a girl cause I put all my soul into it and thinking "this is the one".

After years, I finally forgotten ylin... but my heart was still with you. Yes it usually goes up and down, like the tides of tsunami (means rarely super high, usually down), but I REALLY cannot shake the feeling off. I drown myself in games, food, studies, friends... but whenever I saw you or have any free time of my mind, the feeling keeps haunting me again...!

I'm writing this not ask you to love me... just to voice out what I hid inside all this years. I REALLY want you to find a better guy than me and get married, because I know I will never be qualified to be with you... not to say I have no self confidence but since I am still studying, I know where I stand. 10 years, and I still can't forget you... what a sucker right? haha~

Last words: If you ever feel down or when I am gone, just know that there was once a guy who loved you for over 10 years, secretly but truthfully in the shadows and he did for a long, long, long time.....