Her, again...

Yesterday watched Bones, the series drama. There was one part where a guy who sees the person he loves being with another guy... who admits to them he has already long forgotten her... but deep inside, he still loves her and just cant let her go. So he went to see a psychiatrist, and ask for a solution. When he did, I immediately wanted the answer too... cause I was totally like the guy, wanting to forget YL but just can't. Unfortunately, there is NO remedy or solution.

The psychiatrist only suggested 'time'... which I already know is the ONLY answer to my problem too... Sigh~! Then I went to sleep early for today's class. When I woke up, I saw a pm from her, which is from last night in FB... har!? I was shocked, but I replied 'Yes?'... but she was offline already. Then my mind goes all crazy again, thinking what is it she wants me for... which I know is maybe 'nothing' at all. To make matters worse, she post up some pics of her on FB of her vacation in Bangkok. How could I forget her if I keep clicking open to see the pics? Argh~!

Busy... I must keep myself busy and forget her. Time will heal... Time Must Heal... Time DEFINITELY will HEAL!!!

One more weekend full of Q&A

Yesterday I thought of going to yamcha with Daniel as it has been a routine for our gang to yamcha every Sat, but he said he was sick. Then suddenly he called up and said he was on the way to find his gf, which is more sick than he is. Why don't wait for me!? Then I don't need to waste my petrol going to USJ so far, which then lead me to 'kena' from my parents for driving so far just to yamcha. Sigh... maybe he was desperado and speedy Gonzales, haha...

Raining freaking heavy, I drove to Murni and ate with WingC and Jimmy. They suddenly tell me the bad news in which YL will be super late and may even cancel coming as she's on the way from Bukit Tinggi (French Village that place). I don't mind actually, but it kinda sucks coming so damn far just for a dinner, haha... While we are eating suddenly KH called Jimmy and said he was at Taipan already. So the yamcha is still on, and we went there.

KH still behaves like the KH I know, just that less 'tuut' me on stuffs which I REALLY don't like to hear, even if it was meant as a joke. So that's considered an improvement that I can accept, haha... As we were talking and playing with the IPad & IPad2, YL called and said she was coming. I don't mind if she comes or not, but more is always merrier, haha...

Then when she comes, dressing all pretty like that (maybe because a guy she fancied was also with her to BT), my heart skips a beat. WTF!? I told myself not to love her anymore and here my heart feels all squishy again... argh! Time... I need more time and avoid seeing her, then I will be cured... maybe, haha. She sounds happy when we teased her a 'special' person went to BT with her. My brain is saying 'yes, good for her!' but my heart feels a 'sting' when her face looks happy by it... Argh, FML~!

Anyway, we were discussing a lot of stuffs... and there was a part which involved me, on the topic of being too 'honest' again. Yeah, I realized being too honest sometimes hurt ppl too... which I didn't really noticed until people told me that. Cause honest is the best policy~! For me at least, haha... Taking their advice into consideration, I think I should sometimes hide the truth... just for the better between me and the person I talk to, in the future. But still I will be as honest as possible, cause honesty is my middle name~! Wakaka... -_-;

Tomorrow starts school again... and I need to find a lecturer to request if my group can exceed by 1 person or not... else I will be groupless, again. F**K IT, I hate moments like this the most!!! FML...

Love partner

Last weekend I went to Darren's wedding in Jalan Imbi with my bro, the two D's, Sum and his gf, WL, Dioz, Edmund and Wee. It was a happy and fun day. The food was ok... some quite bad because of the flour they used.

What kept me thinking is... am I ready to love? Yes, its been a long time since I loved YL... but if someday if I were really to have the option to woo her, will I do it? At first I would definitely said yes... but now, when I really took some time off and clear my mind to think... the answer is 'I don't know'.

I guess its because she's not the type of girl I really wanted as my wife. Her attitude is quite rough while I wanted a really gentle and cute girl. She is not romantic while I wanted a partner who loves the small and special things I do, just for her. YL... I think she should find someone who loves her more than I do. It will not benefit me or her if we were together, thus I should just forget this dream and be a bachelor for life... or until I am fit to love.

My mindset now is still too young... too naive. No it is not affected by the environment I'm in but it's just my natural characteristics. Somehow I like being 'nice', although most of the time I will be used or bullied by others. But sometimes the stress is too great for me to bear, and I will turn evil... but mostly in my thinking or talking but I do not make any movement for revenge or pay back. Yeah, I'm weak and a coward... why do I let people trample over me yet I do nothing to stop them? Maybe it's because I look myself down too much that helping those 'evil' people seems like a responsibility to me. Stupid and foolish... that's me, haha...

21/5/2011

I feel more and more tired of life. Again I'm having the same problem of finding a teammate for my assignment. &#)*&)*$! I know I am not weak but my communication skills must really sucks until no one wants me in their group. What I hated most is some bitches who only think about themselves but never think how I will feel when they took away my group member, leaving me alone. It's the f**king YC, MC's good friend. It's not the first time she did it, yet I forgive her and even help her pass her car sticker form that day. I should have throw her paper away so she can't apply for a car sticker this sem... that selfish pig!

All are selfish... only 2 person or 3 really treated me as a friend in the whole class. Yes, when they ask for your help they will smile and talk with you nicely. But when it comes to you needing their help, they quickly dodge you faster than a speeding bullet. Wow... humans are pathetic sometimes. I hope one day all the selfish ppl in the world will die of a disease or an act of God, even if it includes me. I don't want to see the world continue being tainted and effecting our future generations... DIE, SCUMS!!!

Fri night yamcha... the last one I will be driving due to intern

Ah... so today (Friday) was finally the last day in FNM. There are ups and downs in FNM... but more downs than ups. But I am very grateful for the nice supervisor who treated me to eat and drink a lot of times, although she was a bit TOO straight-forward and mean when talking. The 2 more colleague I worked with was at first really nice... but then somehow they started to neglect me or treated me bad. Maybe it's me or something I did... but sad to see the last good memory turned bad.

I treated then KFC (worth RM40) and Puan treated us with a lot of jambu and air jambu, which tasted like apple juice... nice! Tuan Haji was somehow 'forced' by Puan to treat us Secret Recipe cake, which himself could not eat because of old sickness... poor Tuan. But we ate until full and were happy. Mission accomplished!

Then I went to EM to find the two D's. David was 'persuaded' to buy a box, and the contents was not bad... can cover back. Daniel will buy one box too, later. I did not buy any box or boosters, just single cards. Then went back to FNM late. Luckily was able to pass back my card key then leave FNM for good... I doubt I will have a future there later. Sad...

After that me, the fool, sms YL to ask if she wanted to yamcha. She said yes. So AGAIN I stupidly drive all the way there with Daniel to her house, waited for CM, go to Station 1 in Taipan and yamcha. The conversation was good... but somehow bad too. In the end I felt more 'hatred' than love for YL. Maybe because I was mad at her... but thinking it over again, is she REALLY the one I love and will marry in the future? I don't want to do the same mistake as somebody, thus must open my eye BIG BIG before choosing. I think it's good that I finally 'hate' her and dont see her as my future lover... haha.

Soon I will be busy with studies and won't have time to think about her anymore. Come to think of it, studies DO eat more of my time than working... else why don't I think of YL when I'm studying but always, when I am doing my interns!? Facts... I believe in facts and proofs!

Feeling down

Tomorrow is the last day of my intern in FNM. I will miss FNM... the nice people (some)... the slacking... the new stuff to learn... and most of all, the freedom. Now that I don't work there anymore, my parents will sure complain everytime I go to PJ area, cause my place is too far from there and waste a lot of petrol. It is not nice to hear them complain not enough money once, and if they keep repeating it everytime I go out, it would be worse. Mom just now also called, and told me not to 'belanja' my collegues so much food tomorrow because it is last day... again say no money, sigh! Feeling so down because of that... argh!

It's not I want to blame anyone but... becoming a human is so hard. Sometimes I wish I am 'nothing'... no need to think and feel... no need to suffer and become sad. If I suddenly become rich, all of these will dissapear. I can start a small cafeteria and enjoy my life there. If my friends are free, they could come and visit me and I will buy them drinks... haha. No luxury without sufferings, huh? Just dreaming... XD

I am already confused now... what more when I have a gf? It will become worst! Lucky I'm still single now... but I hope to see YL (who just came back from Bangkok today) this weekend~! ^^

Yet another educational yamcha

Today was pre-release in the morning... we rushed to EM because we were late after sending aunt to work. Luckily reached and haven't started. But then found out that David put our lucky draw into box D, which is 36 boosters but only drew it on the last round of the last day! SO I asked the Malay guy to help us get it IF we kena... dunno if he can be trusted or not but it is our last hope. Please kena! Haha...

Then we ate. David was the luckiest, with 3 mystic rare which exceeds the RM70 he paid for the pre-release. Lucky Devil him~! I only got one expensive card while my bro's card was worst. Me and David won 3 while my bro won only 2. Daniel came for a while to join us for dinner and then went to see her gf.

After reaching home, my bro went out. I later fetch my aunt and bring her to the clinic for a check up. Then we ate and I sent her back. After changing clothes I straight head over to Jimmy's house because I was late. Mana tau I reached, he not yet reach... waste my petrol speeding only >.>

Followed his car to a new yamcha place... forgot the name liao. With only me, SG, Jimmy and WC, we went for Coffee Bean and yamcha while chatting on various topics. There was a part when Jimmy asked me if I was still in love with YL. I said yes, and this 'feeling' is hard to disappear unless 1)she is married or 2)I am married. He said I could make it go away if I wanted to, but believe me... I tried and tried, so many times. You can see the whole process in my blog if you don't believe it, haha...

But it always come back to her... my heart just couldn't let her go. Maybe the love is too strong... maybe I am a lovefool... maybe I am cursed like this for a long long time..... Whatever the reason, believe me... I just want to love her from far away. I will not think any further as I know I am not worthy nor does she love me. But love is like that... sometimes it is enough just to see her happy... cause it makes me happy too.

It was an enjoyable yamcha... although there was time when it hurts talking about YL (yes, the pain is inside the heart only, you can't see it from outside, only I can feel it myself... haha). Mr. CS that I hate was also there... but I seldom look at him and never greeted him at all. Heard that he recently break up with his long gf (but I bet I love YL longer than she love her gf... only difference is mine is unsuccessful but he is, haha), which is a sad thing because break ups are never good. He must be hiding the pain real good cause he don't look like a person who is heartbroken at all. Oh well... some ppl are strong in handling these rejections... I know I'm NOT.

Finally it was time to leave (we were shooed away by the security ppl). Strangely Jimmy and WC asked me to send WC home. Aik... isn't that Jimmy's job? lol... But she said it was near, so ok, fine with me. She paid all the toll to her house but the journey is NOT near at all, lol. Used a lot of my fuel, ouch~ I don't want to complain but I need to cause I only got a limited amount of fuel money per week. Anymore then I need to use my pocket money to cover it up, which is also very limited, haha... I guess once or twice per month is ok, cause I know it is hard for them to yamcha that far away from their home too. I get to know how to go to Wingc's place, roughly. As long as everyone is happy, I am happy... XD

YL... I am still missing her since meeting her yesterday. Need to focus on my work and forget her... Yosh~!!! ~The End~

No matter what

No matter how I tried, no matter how long or where... I still could not forget YL. Argh...! Yesterday was my first FNM in EM. While playing, suddenly YL called. I accepted the call normally, but deep inside I was very happy. Listening to her voice on the phone was so rare, as though I could only here her voice in the noisy room... I was even happier when she asked me if I want to yamcha with them later. Earlier I actually told WL that we are going to meet him after Magic, but when she asked me... I totally forget and said 'YES', haha. My words didn't say it out but my heart was yearning to see her every week. Shhhh~! ><''

As we talk, I keep looking at her and her beautiful eyes... last time I was too shy to even look at her eyes, honest! But now I have the courage to look into her eyes and talk to her. Why? Maybe because deep inside I know, this girl I loved so much for so long will soon fall into the hand of another... if I don't admire it now, I may never be able to in the future... when she found her other half. Yeah, she didn't comb her hair, it was a bit messy but I still love her as much, lol...

Ah... but I also saw another good quote from Jess's blog, or whatever they call it... It says something like this: "Although I love you very much, it is better if we keep our distance and remain as friends". So sad... yet describe my situation perfectly. She deserve a better man, and I am very happy and grateful just able to see her every week, even though I am not the one.....

She have to stop making jokes to me...! My heart skipped a beat when she said "I am old already... If I don't make a move now and no one wants me later, you want me ah?". Inside my heart, I wanted to say "YES, 100% I will!" but instead I said "Won't one la... don't worry. Love cannot be rushed". Sad right? Haha... ~To be continued?~

A lazy weekend

Argh... my friends have finished their intern but I am still stuck with 1 more week to go. This week Monday was a holiday, which I really enjoyed. Can't enjoy holidays unless u r working, haha. Then took 2 days off my myself to do some work at home. The video, second part, doesn't have sound!? Wth is the cameraman doing??! After much trouble and time wasting, I finally found out that the cameraman used another 'channel' to record the sound. The Mr Lee department was busy, so they can only help me convert it next week. Sigh... but 1 problem solved, okla :)

Yesterday kena tuut by the supervisor... saying she wont accept excuses. Does facts consider as excuses!? At first I signed into FNM, thought of learning the ups and downs of the production industry. But she said if you join FNM, it means u want to learn how to become a director... wtf!? She added that if you don't want to be a director, then you should go other places for intern. Urgh... sabar, sabar...! Now I know why the WHOLE FNM hates her, cis!

Forget that woman...! I tried my best to be good with her but she STILL makes me mad. Sien!!

This week no yamcha again because YL and CM going to Bangkok. Sad, but couldn't be forced I guess. But pre-release of the new expansion in Magic is tomorrow, yippee~! I hope I get an expensive card to cover my cost~ haha. Darren getting married in Penang this weekend, sadly I couldn't help him out as he needs to be in Penang on Sun and Monday, and Monday me and my bro also busy. Next week is my last week in FNM, yeah~! XD

A fun weekend with friends

Ah... another week filled with fun and laughter with my friends, without needing to worry about work and studies. Doing intern only but already I feel a little tension on work life... that is why I am not rushing to work at all, lol.

Anyway last week Sat we went to Malacca. Yeah it was a bit pain on the wallet but well worth it! Drove to Jayaone to meet with them, then drove my car to park at WingC's place. Me, SG and Jimmy went aboard WingC's car (but it was Jimmy that drove) and away we go to Malacca at around 11am~!

Traffic jam like siao... bummer! Looks like a lot KL ppl also have the same thought as us, "3 days of holiday should be spent outside KL!" Haha... So we chat along the way and in the end too tired and slept in the car (all except the driver). When we woke up, we were near Malacca, finally! So me and SG went down 1st and book a place to eat the "chicken rice ball", and luckily we were the last one! Need to queue and get number for a small restaurant like that, I was like... "Wow, really so famous meh?". Then we went to our sit while waiting for Jimmy and WC. They parked really far so it took some time for them to reach.

Finally our food arrived. I really forgot the last time I ate it (I was below 10 years old then) so I thought it was really nice. In the end we were given a couple balls of rice and a plate of chicken. I was like "WTF!? These only!??". And sadly, yes...! So I ate it, feeling extremely hungry. Ok... it taste nice and special... but OVERATED! It wasn't as super as I thought... just special because the rice was in the form of balls. WTF??!? Now I know I don't need to crave for this food anymore since it is just a bit special than normal... and damn pricey to boot!

Then we went walking around Chonker Street. Like Petaling Street in KL, there are a lot of stuffs there, and damn pricey to "chop" foreigners and visitors like us. I thought of buying some souvenirs but cancel it due to the price. I would have bought it for my love one, if I ever have one... haha. Anyway the best thing about the walk is we were able to try more special food, which is baba laksa and nyona curry (if I am not mistaken their names). Yes, this is good! Not too pricey too... I will take this anytime over that chicken rice ball!

SG wanted to buy some toto numbers, so we bought one using 1 number from all of us. But no strike though, haha... Then we walk back to the car. Poor SG walked painfully there because her high heels are not meant to walk far distance. I wished I could help her but all I could do is slowly follow her. Then when in the car WC borrowed her sandals to her, which she wore until we went back KL.

After the street we went to a shopping mall because Jimmy wanted to test the new IPad2. It was cool no doubt... but we were playing the games more than the functions, haha. Then we left for Seremban to buy Seremban Siew Pau.

Got a bit lost there but finally found one, called Empayer Siew Pau. But there was a restaurant there too, and the siew pau was inside it. Special place... so we decided to sit down and eat dinner there, since a lot of ppl was there too. And we were not let down, the food was fantastic! We ate belacan kangkong, one pork meal and a crab. It was pricey but all of us was happily full. So we count the daily expenses and in the end I paid RM50, which was a discount of RM7, haha... I think SG too. Thanks Jimmy and WC~! ^^

Thought of yamcha but cancelled as we were late when we reached and we decided to go for breakfast the next day. So the next day we went out again, Sunday (yesterday). I drove to Jimmy's house and parked my car there then followed them to Jalan Ipoh for dim sum and pau. I like it very much but they said it was "ok" only... haha, looks like my taste buds are way different from them. Apart from last night's gang, YL and CM also joined. We ate will we were full, sharing our meals. In the end all need to pay RM12 per person... not bad. I was happy because I was able to taste my fav cha siew pau again! hahaha XD

Then we went to Kepong Jusco to watch Thor. Actually I already watched it for free with Daniel on Friday, but since all wanted to go then never mind, watch again la. Before that we went to shop for SG's sweater because she didn't bring it and will scare cold in the cinema later. Finally bought a purple sweater, then we went for Old Town Kopitiam for lunch and yamcha before the movie starts. Jimmy complained that we should went for Coffee bean, but I suspect he anti old town, haha... Coffee bean cannot eat la, ol' buddy~! :P

After a nice yamcha session, we went for the movie. Watching it a second time makes me understand the movie more. All of them enjoyed it. Then it was time to say goodbye, and we split. Jimmy sent SG back before going back and then I drove back home myself. A fabulous weekend, its a pity Daniel couldn't join because he was busy with exams and flew to Bali on Sunday.

One thing I learned from the trip is that SG went for a fortune teller and what she said influenced her a lot. Debbie, the fortune teller, tell her that she needs to find a bf from outstation and need to give birth now or risk giving birth when she is 40+ years old. Because of this she thinks of going to the sperm bank... wth!? She is a nice girl and I enjoyed hanging out with her, but I really think she should have more faith in herself and not believing entirely what Debbie said. She should have more confidence in herself... love will find its own way, no use rushing it. Whatever her decision is, I hope she will have a bright future with her love one... ~The End~

L O V E... love?

Love... such a strong word. For me it meant everything... and sometimes nothing. It's weird... sometimes I see people in love, I envy them. I hope I can find my other half too, and spend my time with her. I won't be lonely, I have someone to talk to, someone to share my ups and downs and a person who will be there for me no matter what. A fantasy that comes true...

However there are times when I see so many broken couples, so many arguments and disagreements among love birds, then I will feel glad that I am not in their shoes. When you have a love partner, your responsibilities adds... not by +1 but by near +infinity. You need to constantly be a good boyfriend, a responsible lover and in the end... a dad that your children can look up to. The pressure keeps building up, and it cannot be stopped. If somehow you suddenly 'explode' and wants to end it, then the consequences and pain you bring will not only affect yourself, but many more people around you...

Such is the life of a man... the challenges a human need to face no matter what... a destiny you need to endure before you end your life (except for bachelors/ virgins... haha). Like the teaching of Buddha... All man is born to suffer (in various ways) before they die......

Yamcha cancelled

Sien lor... last week yamcha cancelled... and I was so looking forward to it too T_T It was because Jimmy went for dinner and so late liao still not yet ordered it, sigh... next week hope no cancel.

Why so I want the yamcha so much? So that I could see her? That is part of it, but not the most important one. As I said before, yamcha with friends help me release tension, which is building up this week, argh~!

But on Sunday morning, suddenly Mr Daniel called, and I was so syok sleeping too! But it was a called for help, and I will not ignore any people who requires my help (sound like Superman?, haha). So I went to LRT, fetch him and his gf to his uncle house, take key, then send them back. The good thing is I managed to find back my old favourite Nasi Lemak, yeah! XD

Looks like Mr. Daniel has a lot of problems although went for vacation in Korea. All the best to him to solve his dilemma. Oh, this phrase maybe suitable for him, which I saw in Jess tumbler today:

"If something is important to you, you'll find a WAY. If it isn't, you'll find an EXCUSE".

Maybe not for him but for another? I dunno... but I definitely support this phrase as it is a fact that we did not notice in our own selves. A problem will not solve itself, we are the ones who will solve it or risk it becoming a bigger problem in the future.

Suddenly I became so knowledgeable and wise, wakaka. But actually I'm the weakest and most naive among all, sadness...... Thats all for now, ciao~!