Bad start of new semester

It's been 2 weeks since the new sem started... Last week was fun as me, my bro and my mom went for vacation in Genting. We have a lot of free rooms coupon to use, so we stayed for 3 days 2 night (can be another night but we decided to left around 6pm). Applied for the Genting card, got RM20 in my card to be used to play those jackpot machine for free. Overall learn a lot from the gambling scene in Genting... :x

But then disaster strike as soon as I come back down... opened the computer, play for some time, then suddenly it went *ka poot*. Cannot open back, keep making those beeping sound. Found out from Daniel should be graphic card problem (died). Sigh...

Then started college in a new environment, new class. A lot of friends are in the other class, which is a good and bad thing. When the going gets though, the though gets going... die also must go on! But sadness wraps the heart.

Bro also went to Penang for his practicals, 3 month will be back. Still with this incident, there are pros and cons (mostly pros, haha). Most significant is I dont need to worry much anymore (about his bad doings) XD

Love life... nothing much. Seem like LG really going out much with the new talented guy, maybe bf liao? Not my business, just feel a tiny weeny itsy bitsy envy, haha... YL on the other hand I missed more... especially when I saw her vacation pics on FB. Oh well, can't do much about it either.

Thinking about it as a whole, feels like being single has its good traits too. No responsibility to another... more time and money for myself, can do whatever I like without being nagged of one thing or another. Ya I know life will go on and eventually I need to find a life partner, but no rush needed, right? ^^

Now holiday!

Wow so long no update d, haha... finally free from all those assignments and exams. I think will get my first fail this sem, as the teacher even posted the answer on FB and I know I didn't do well. Oh well, at least pass assignments, if fail also need to repeat exam only. I hate assignments when you need to do it alone! ><

Love life have been dull these couple of days... A good sign maybe, since I know all my love is one sided, haha. The only time I miss her is when I saw her picture of face in FB. Cannot run, usually sure saw her picture de cause her sister using her account to play a FB game that I still play (RC). Miss only..... yes, just a missing feeling...

Have been active in the world of Magic lately. Not only does it use my mind power to create a good deck, it can really de-stress and make me forget all the worries of the world... just concentrate to eliminate your opponents! Actually I am easily troubled and worried about all the smallest things, for a long time... so being happy will make me think less.

Next sem worry again cause split class again. In one aspect I cannot see most of my friends... but in another I can meet and find new friends. Since I know I have no one really to team up with in the old class, maybe the new change will make it all better... I hope. Argh, don't want to think about it anymore... nothing can be done to change it. Just live my life the way I want, as good as I can!

Dead busy!

Assignments, assignments, assignments! So damn many freaking assignments that I hardly have any time for games... which is really bad!

Lately maybe influence by Daniel, had some dreams of dating YL. In the dream she is already my gf, lol... it was a nice dream, although not perfect. I am still wondering if we have any chance together... nah!

LG is still being cold at me, as usual. I don't really mind at first, cause I was mad at her too. But now I am starting to be a bit forgiving... yet she still behaves the same. Looking back at old photos on how we used to yamcha whenever we are free does make me feel a bit... sayang. Oh well, better late than never! (in knowing her real attitude)

W is totally out the picture... cause now I know my 'love' for her was actually a feeling of affection, when I was feeling lonely and down last time. After clearing up my mind, I discover she is not my type I would spend the rest of my life with, haha. So must think clearly before choosing a gf... cause I want 'her' to be my first, and my last (not anything in between).

Cant really say that this is a nice semester... cause I have to go solo on a two person project. Hopefully I can still find a group where I belong next semester, but it will be hard... since most people have their own 'groups' liao. For the first time I wish they will never be anymore group assignments... solo is best! No need care if the other members got do their job or not... people cannot 'leech' your marks if they do badly (or nothing!).



Sigh, where is the fun of college life!?! T_T

Life in college

Who says life in college is all about fun? Yes, it should be... better than the future and coming work life. But STILL... it's not that fun for me. Why? Cause I'm having problems communicating with the younger generations... BIG problem.

I still feel a bit 'pain' in my heart when I see LG with the new dude... But I tell myself, it is time to let her go. She is not mine to begin with... and why should I feel for a girl that treats me so cruel, after all the things I have sacrificed for her? Stupid me... never learn, sigh!

That day convo saw her eye to eye, then I look another way... I didn't take any picture with her too, sad.

Oh well... life is like that I guess ><

Lately...

Lately life in college has been busy. A lot of assignments, one of them involving finding a real client and make a website (for free) for then. The client is our choice but must be in the category of charity house. First time need to do these kind of stuffs, wow...

And since I am in a new semester, I don't have a partner that will always be with me when we do group assignments. Don't have a partner of 2, sometimes have a partner when in groups of 4-5. I wonder why is it this way? When I asked one of my best friends (girl), she told me it's not my fault but due to the age gap thingy. I was shocked... and sad. Shouldn't have told some of my friends my age back then... now it's too late to take it back, sigh!

No matter... if the tide comes, I shall swim against it! If there's a group of 2, I believe I can do it solo! Yes... that's the only choice I have, for now... T_T

On the news with LG... she still haven't un-ban me in FB. Either she didn't know how to do it (highly doubt so) or she still don't want to do it. I even got to know that she banned me in her MSN too, haha. Fine... if you don't want peace, I don't give a damn too. Don't say I didn't try though, haha...

No, I will not feel sad because of this. It's so normal for me that in college, she cease to exist in my world. I don't look at her anymore (unless she's in my line of sight) nor do I consider she's around even if she's standing beside me. 99% cured of LG, yay!!!

So busy even no time for magic... and with the World Cup on now, I'm only able to watch some of it (cause most of it is being aired on midnights). Nearly all of my classes starts at 8 or 9am too, sigh...!

The end of a war?

Tonight had a fun night with my classmates... and a lecturer, Mr Aaron. Now only I realized I am older than him, paiseh... haha. Anyway, he talks about a lot of stuffs, which is interesting to hear too. We are on one table (me, JH, Mr Aaron, LH, LG and Robin) while on the other table which is connected are WM, Wennie, LH, Echun, Pilla and EF. We went to eat steamboat buffet at a store in GK, from 6 something to 11 something. Five hours of fun for RM20, okla!

But the most shocked thing happened was when we were going to leave. Lai Har suddenly came next to me and said 'I heard you and LG still don't talk to each other'. I was like 'WTF!? Who told her!!?'. Then she said we should be friends, bla, bla... make me shake hands with LG, then said sorry if she somehow make us like that and said in the end if she came back later and know that we are still not talking to each other, she will come and scold me... haha,...... swt -_-''

Urgh, suddenly pushed to become friends back with LG seems... forced. But if it wasn't forced, no doubt we will remain like that till we die. A cold war... should I stop it? Although she did most of the wrong, should I still give respect to LH and befriend with her again? A part of me wants, another part of me doesn't.

IF we do become friends again, I want to write a letter to her... telling her all the bad things she has been doing, how she hurt my heart by accusing me when I took so good care of her all these years and how she should change. Maybe THEN will I become friends back with her, after expressing all my feelings to her on an email. Should I... do it now??

Sigh.....

Emotions

Sometimes it's so hard to control your emotions... sometimes. Before this maybe I cared too much for a good friend, suddenly I got scared and those emotions stopped. It took some time... but it stopped. Maybe because I haven't really fall in love before, that's why emotions took over me, easily... most of the time.

Trying not to think about her... get myself busy with games or other activities... slowly the heart will cool down. It's true what people say that time will heal. But 100% heal? I doubt so. However also, I think there is still that tiny miny flame left inside... if the love was true at one point of time. True love will never die.

So now I am able to subdue my feelings... but for how long? Need to keep myself busy or the mind will wonder again. If the mind is kept busy, the heart will not have time to 'feel'. It's one way to keep the aching heart... asleep.

I doubt she have any feelings for me... another one way love, again. So I can stop dreaming and wake up to reality... I can..... I know I can....... soon.

No.. NO... nOOOOO!!!!!!

Oh no... the feeling is coming back... I'm starting to over-caring for a girl I once like. I called her like usual today, asking where did she go for the break and looks like she were on the way back. She says she's not with the others and are going back because not feeling well. I know she were driving, so I said ok, take care, bye...

Later after all class was done, I went back and on my MSN. She wasn't online yet... maybe resting. So I waited until later, when I saw her online in FB. So I contacted her on MSN and asking her if she were alright. Looks like she were having a slight fever and still feeling a bit pening. So I chat with her, asking her to take care of herself, telling her some updates in school while playing with her. It was fun... chatting and caring for someone of the opposite sex.

Then I told her to faster go back rest, don't online so much as she's not yet fully recover. She listened and thanked me for caring and went offline soon after that. Haha... don't know why but I was caring for her much more than I do with a normal friend. Maybe I am just lonely and wanted to care for someone... maybe not?

Oh no... don't tell me I'm falling again. I should not... MUST not! She is a good girl, independent and special in her own way. I am too old for her. I must not fall for her and ruin our current friendship, which I enjoyed so much. Call me lonely or whatever, but it's so hard for me to find good friends of the opposite sex. Some either treated me badly, used me or mistreat me so badly... it hurts deep inside.

I hope our beautiful friendship will last till the end of time... my good friend of mine...! :)

Girls are sometimes so cruel

Got some new news from my 'spy'... looks like LG is gossiping about me to my other friends, behind my back. At first I thought we shouldn't be enemies, since we are classmates soon, and being the gentleman I SHOULD forgive her. But now she's telling everyone that I blocked her in FB (which I only block her from seeing my post, she BAN me in FB), making me look more like the bad guy here. Unforgivable! How can a kind girl like her do these stuffs!? Is she just plain ignorant and childish... or just plain stupid!?!

I'm tired of these 'words war'. If people want to believe her then fine... but I know most don't, cause she's getting famous for being the talkative bi**h who tell secrets around, and tell them not to tell anyone else. I will definitely not give a damn about her anymore, seeing that she 'hates' me so much and tell everyone of my 'bad things' and pretend she's the victim here. She sucks when handling assignments, and most of my classmates knows that. Now that the aunty who's always been in her group is stopping for a year, let's see how she deal with her problems NOW... ALONE!

It's so so sad to see the girl you once loved, doing all of this to you... even though you sacrificed so much for her last time. Ungrateful... childish... backstabber... faker... I WILL NOT TOUCH THIS MEDUSA ANYMORE!!!

The end is coming, a new beginning is approaching...

Wow... been quite a long time since I blogged. Can't be helped, cause every time I wanted to blog, there's this 'bad feeling' that haunts me. Bad memories of me and LG becoming enemies... seems like I still can't shake the feeling off even though she's in the wrong. Hmm, looks like my feeling for her indeed became deeper else I wouldn't give a damn about a girl like her. Sigh, why la!?

The one month holiday is coming to an end... will be starting college again next week. Again my heart feels heavy and uncomfortable. So many things are playing in my mind now until I have dreams about it, both good and bad. Some of them are losing my good friends... need to find new group members... need to find new people to hang out with... worrying who will be in my new class, and etc. No doubt LG plays the biggest fear of all, as I don't know if I will be in the same class with her next sem... and what will I do if she IS? Ignore her, chat with her like nothing happened or...??? Kns, why am I always worrying about these petty stuffs?!!

Advance diploma is coming... more things to learn, more burden to handle. I don't want to mess up my mind with love stuffs like LG anymore! ><''

Had a nightmare this morning on LG... and it felt so real. I went to a place and accidentally bumped into her, eye to eye. She said nothing, nor did I. We just go to our own destination as though the other didn't exist. First I was relieved... then I felt kind of sad... and more sad. What does it all mean?

Two weeks ago went for bbq at YL's house. At first I was very happy, awaiting to see YL again. But when I DO see her... somehow the 'umph!' was not there anymore. Seeing her felt more like... 'just another friend' liao. It becomes worse when I heard about her expectations in her future BF. CM did so much more than me in wooing her, following her and pindah here and there so he can be close to her. Sophiya told us about this, and I was shocked. Poor CM has no chance with her... and I felt even further from her. The 2 of us fell for the same person, and if he doesn't stand a chance, where do I even stand? No wonder my feelings for her is disappearing. The jargon between us is just too wide and far away. My 10 year crush is going to stop, soon.....

I think I should just concentrate on my studies, no need to bother about love and stuffs. It's just too complicated for me to handle. It gives me more pain than happiness. Just studying, playing games, hanging out with friends and flirting around seems more carefree and happy for me. Oh no, am I becoming like Daniel!? lol...

FYP has ended... and maybe a friendship too

Finally the FYP has ended... A lot of effort are put into it until I really no time for DOTA or yamcha with my friends. The sad thing is I feel like my group doesn't like me very much... maybe I'm not their 'group'... maybe I'm too old for them... maybe my style is not the same as theirs. Whatever the reason is, there are ups and downs when doing the FYP project and I am happy with the outcome.

Doing the exhibition for 2 days there was some lecturers and even the Head of School who came to our booth and said that our assignment was very interesting. It is a documentary on God possession and some other festivals in a temple. They said that we should try to send it to Astro or Discovery Chanel and sell our documentary if we fix it a bit more, haha... Or at least send to FINAS to get an award which will greatly help for our portfolio later in the working world. The HoS asked us to send a copy so the school can use it for other students to watch and learn from our documentary... cool!

Bad thing is when I was doing the documentary with my group... it was a harsh week, all did not get enough sleep and keep doing the video non-stop. I did my part, and went home to wait continue doing my part on one night. So, to relieve tension and make a joke, I wrote in my FB 'People who do not get enough sleep sometimes turn into monsters... haha'. It was a fun remark, any right minded people can see that...

BUT Miss LG didn't! She badly commented me back, saying how they become monsters but other ppl so good can go back home and sleep... -_- Ok... I went back to wait for HER part to finish, what is the use of me not sleeping AND doing nothing!? Keep shoot me, say me should not call her monster, this and that (I DIDNT even wrote her NAME). So I just take it all down and jokingly brush it all off cause I don't want to make a fuss about it. But it doesn't end there.....

She so childishly COMPLAIN to another group member, the eldest person in our group (woman in her thirties). Then she go scold me in SMS and said I should remove those remarks. WTF!?! I was damn pissed... no one would be so CHILDISH and whine about these stuffs except HER! I was even busy doing the FYP that night, which in the end only slept for 3 hours. So I disable her FB to see my posts and I wrote in FB 'Here I am, busy doing my FYP... but I got scolded for a joke I make. What is this world coming too?'. I know she will see it somehow, cause she is a BUSYBODY.

And saw the message she did... through her sis's FB. So we debate and debate, she still thinks she is not wrong for being 'close minded' and said it was my fault for joking it. FINE... so I stopped the msg-ing inFB and continue to do my FYP. Later she totally blocked me in FB too, wahahaha...!

Sighhh... am I supposed to be happy or sad that this relationship turned into such a bad state? She never knew that ALL this while, I am ALWAYS on her side no matter how wrong or bad she is... cause I F**KINGLY like her. She thought I'm bad and evil, with some bad propaganda behind. FiNe...! If you think I'm such a BAD person, then go ahead and ignore me. I don't need a close minded girl like you as my friend..... To think that I sacrificed so much for her, argh... what a FOOL I am!!

Goodbye LG... I hope you will continue your studies in Kampar, so I won't have to see you again. It only pains my heart to see you......... only mine...