Lately...

Lately life in college has been busy. A lot of assignments, one of them involving finding a real client and make a website (for free) for then. The client is our choice but must be in the category of charity house. First time need to do these kind of stuffs, wow...

And since I am in a new semester, I don't have a partner that will always be with me when we do group assignments. Don't have a partner of 2, sometimes have a partner when in groups of 4-5. I wonder why is it this way? When I asked one of my best friends (girl), she told me it's not my fault but due to the age gap thingy. I was shocked... and sad. Shouldn't have told some of my friends my age back then... now it's too late to take it back, sigh!

No matter... if the tide comes, I shall swim against it! If there's a group of 2, I believe I can do it solo! Yes... that's the only choice I have, for now... T_T

On the news with LG... she still haven't un-ban me in FB. Either she didn't know how to do it (highly doubt so) or she still don't want to do it. I even got to know that she banned me in her MSN too, haha. Fine... if you don't want peace, I don't give a damn too. Don't say I didn't try though, haha...

No, I will not feel sad because of this. It's so normal for me that in college, she cease to exist in my world. I don't look at her anymore (unless she's in my line of sight) nor do I consider she's around even if she's standing beside me. 99% cured of LG, yay!!!

So busy even no time for magic... and with the World Cup on now, I'm only able to watch some of it (cause most of it is being aired on midnights). Nearly all of my classes starts at 8 or 9am too, sigh...!

The end of a war?

Tonight had a fun night with my classmates... and a lecturer, Mr Aaron. Now only I realized I am older than him, paiseh... haha. Anyway, he talks about a lot of stuffs, which is interesting to hear too. We are on one table (me, JH, Mr Aaron, LH, LG and Robin) while on the other table which is connected are WM, Wennie, LH, Echun, Pilla and EF. We went to eat steamboat buffet at a store in GK, from 6 something to 11 something. Five hours of fun for RM20, okla!

But the most shocked thing happened was when we were going to leave. Lai Har suddenly came next to me and said 'I heard you and LG still don't talk to each other'. I was like 'WTF!? Who told her!!?'. Then she said we should be friends, bla, bla... make me shake hands with LG, then said sorry if she somehow make us like that and said in the end if she came back later and know that we are still not talking to each other, she will come and scold me... haha,...... swt -_-''

Urgh, suddenly pushed to become friends back with LG seems... forced. But if it wasn't forced, no doubt we will remain like that till we die. A cold war... should I stop it? Although she did most of the wrong, should I still give respect to LH and befriend with her again? A part of me wants, another part of me doesn't.

IF we do become friends again, I want to write a letter to her... telling her all the bad things she has been doing, how she hurt my heart by accusing me when I took so good care of her all these years and how she should change. Maybe THEN will I become friends back with her, after expressing all my feelings to her on an email. Should I... do it now??

Sigh.....

Emotions

Sometimes it's so hard to control your emotions... sometimes. Before this maybe I cared too much for a good friend, suddenly I got scared and those emotions stopped. It took some time... but it stopped. Maybe because I haven't really fall in love before, that's why emotions took over me, easily... most of the time.

Trying not to think about her... get myself busy with games or other activities... slowly the heart will cool down. It's true what people say that time will heal. But 100% heal? I doubt so. However also, I think there is still that tiny miny flame left inside... if the love was true at one point of time. True love will never die.

So now I am able to subdue my feelings... but for how long? Need to keep myself busy or the mind will wonder again. If the mind is kept busy, the heart will not have time to 'feel'. It's one way to keep the aching heart... asleep.

I doubt she have any feelings for me... another one way love, again. So I can stop dreaming and wake up to reality... I can..... I know I can....... soon.

No.. NO... nOOOOO!!!!!!

Oh no... the feeling is coming back... I'm starting to over-caring for a girl I once like. I called her like usual today, asking where did she go for the break and looks like she were on the way back. She says she's not with the others and are going back because not feeling well. I know she were driving, so I said ok, take care, bye...

Later after all class was done, I went back and on my MSN. She wasn't online yet... maybe resting. So I waited until later, when I saw her online in FB. So I contacted her on MSN and asking her if she were alright. Looks like she were having a slight fever and still feeling a bit pening. So I chat with her, asking her to take care of herself, telling her some updates in school while playing with her. It was fun... chatting and caring for someone of the opposite sex.

Then I told her to faster go back rest, don't online so much as she's not yet fully recover. She listened and thanked me for caring and went offline soon after that. Haha... don't know why but I was caring for her much more than I do with a normal friend. Maybe I am just lonely and wanted to care for someone... maybe not?

Oh no... don't tell me I'm falling again. I should not... MUST not! She is a good girl, independent and special in her own way. I am too old for her. I must not fall for her and ruin our current friendship, which I enjoyed so much. Call me lonely or whatever, but it's so hard for me to find good friends of the opposite sex. Some either treated me badly, used me or mistreat me so badly... it hurts deep inside.

I hope our beautiful friendship will last till the end of time... my good friend of mine...! :)

Girls are sometimes so cruel

Got some new news from my 'spy'... looks like LG is gossiping about me to my other friends, behind my back. At first I thought we shouldn't be enemies, since we are classmates soon, and being the gentleman I SHOULD forgive her. But now she's telling everyone that I blocked her in FB (which I only block her from seeing my post, she BAN me in FB), making me look more like the bad guy here. Unforgivable! How can a kind girl like her do these stuffs!? Is she just plain ignorant and childish... or just plain stupid!?!

I'm tired of these 'words war'. If people want to believe her then fine... but I know most don't, cause she's getting famous for being the talkative bi**h who tell secrets around, and tell them not to tell anyone else. I will definitely not give a damn about her anymore, seeing that she 'hates' me so much and tell everyone of my 'bad things' and pretend she's the victim here. She sucks when handling assignments, and most of my classmates knows that. Now that the aunty who's always been in her group is stopping for a year, let's see how she deal with her problems NOW... ALONE!

It's so so sad to see the girl you once loved, doing all of this to you... even though you sacrificed so much for her last time. Ungrateful... childish... backstabber... faker... I WILL NOT TOUCH THIS MEDUSA ANYMORE!!!

The end is coming, a new beginning is approaching...

Wow... been quite a long time since I blogged. Can't be helped, cause every time I wanted to blog, there's this 'bad feeling' that haunts me. Bad memories of me and LG becoming enemies... seems like I still can't shake the feeling off even though she's in the wrong. Hmm, looks like my feeling for her indeed became deeper else I wouldn't give a damn about a girl like her. Sigh, why la!?

The one month holiday is coming to an end... will be starting college again next week. Again my heart feels heavy and uncomfortable. So many things are playing in my mind now until I have dreams about it, both good and bad. Some of them are losing my good friends... need to find new group members... need to find new people to hang out with... worrying who will be in my new class, and etc. No doubt LG plays the biggest fear of all, as I don't know if I will be in the same class with her next sem... and what will I do if she IS? Ignore her, chat with her like nothing happened or...??? Kns, why am I always worrying about these petty stuffs?!!

Advance diploma is coming... more things to learn, more burden to handle. I don't want to mess up my mind with love stuffs like LG anymore! ><''

Had a nightmare this morning on LG... and it felt so real. I went to a place and accidentally bumped into her, eye to eye. She said nothing, nor did I. We just go to our own destination as though the other didn't exist. First I was relieved... then I felt kind of sad... and more sad. What does it all mean?

Two weeks ago went for bbq at YL's house. At first I was very happy, awaiting to see YL again. But when I DO see her... somehow the 'umph!' was not there anymore. Seeing her felt more like... 'just another friend' liao. It becomes worse when I heard about her expectations in her future BF. CM did so much more than me in wooing her, following her and pindah here and there so he can be close to her. Sophiya told us about this, and I was shocked. Poor CM has no chance with her... and I felt even further from her. The 2 of us fell for the same person, and if he doesn't stand a chance, where do I even stand? No wonder my feelings for her is disappearing. The jargon between us is just too wide and far away. My 10 year crush is going to stop, soon.....

I think I should just concentrate on my studies, no need to bother about love and stuffs. It's just too complicated for me to handle. It gives me more pain than happiness. Just studying, playing games, hanging out with friends and flirting around seems more carefree and happy for me. Oh no, am I becoming like Daniel!? lol...

FYP has ended... and maybe a friendship too

Finally the FYP has ended... A lot of effort are put into it until I really no time for DOTA or yamcha with my friends. The sad thing is I feel like my group doesn't like me very much... maybe I'm not their 'group'... maybe I'm too old for them... maybe my style is not the same as theirs. Whatever the reason is, there are ups and downs when doing the FYP project and I am happy with the outcome.

Doing the exhibition for 2 days there was some lecturers and even the Head of School who came to our booth and said that our assignment was very interesting. It is a documentary on God possession and some other festivals in a temple. They said that we should try to send it to Astro or Discovery Chanel and sell our documentary if we fix it a bit more, haha... Or at least send to FINAS to get an award which will greatly help for our portfolio later in the working world. The HoS asked us to send a copy so the school can use it for other students to watch and learn from our documentary... cool!

Bad thing is when I was doing the documentary with my group... it was a harsh week, all did not get enough sleep and keep doing the video non-stop. I did my part, and went home to wait continue doing my part on one night. So, to relieve tension and make a joke, I wrote in my FB 'People who do not get enough sleep sometimes turn into monsters... haha'. It was a fun remark, any right minded people can see that...

BUT Miss LG didn't! She badly commented me back, saying how they become monsters but other ppl so good can go back home and sleep... -_- Ok... I went back to wait for HER part to finish, what is the use of me not sleeping AND doing nothing!? Keep shoot me, say me should not call her monster, this and that (I DIDNT even wrote her NAME). So I just take it all down and jokingly brush it all off cause I don't want to make a fuss about it. But it doesn't end there.....

She so childishly COMPLAIN to another group member, the eldest person in our group (woman in her thirties). Then she go scold me in SMS and said I should remove those remarks. WTF!?! I was damn pissed... no one would be so CHILDISH and whine about these stuffs except HER! I was even busy doing the FYP that night, which in the end only slept for 3 hours. So I disable her FB to see my posts and I wrote in FB 'Here I am, busy doing my FYP... but I got scolded for a joke I make. What is this world coming too?'. I know she will see it somehow, cause she is a BUSYBODY.

And saw the message she did... through her sis's FB. So we debate and debate, she still thinks she is not wrong for being 'close minded' and said it was my fault for joking it. FINE... so I stopped the msg-ing inFB and continue to do my FYP. Later she totally blocked me in FB too, wahahaha...!

Sighhh... am I supposed to be happy or sad that this relationship turned into such a bad state? She never knew that ALL this while, I am ALWAYS on her side no matter how wrong or bad she is... cause I F**KINGLY like her. She thought I'm bad and evil, with some bad propaganda behind. FiNe...! If you think I'm such a BAD person, then go ahead and ignore me. I don't need a close minded girl like you as my friend..... To think that I sacrificed so much for her, argh... what a FOOL I am!!

Goodbye LG... I hope you will continue your studies in Kampar, so I won't have to see you again. It only pains my heart to see you......... only mine...

Emo oh emo...

Sigh... lately feel so emo. Hate this feeling... but can't stop this feeling. Sadness falling on me like tears from above, can't run no matter where I go. Starting to feel demotivated although pretend to be strong on the front lines... Feel like just give it all up and leave this sickening world.

No I'm not lovesick... I'm just having a serious case of demotivation. Why? Because of THEM... my so called friends/ coursemates/ group members. I shouldn't be saddened by these couple of fools that think badly of me, for things I did not done to them... which I don't know why they still doesn't accept me as a 'real' friend. I did not kill their parents, nor did I do anything bad to them. I tried my best to be a good director, always giving a helping hand eventhough they didn't ask for it, be as friendly as I can... but still they treat me nothing more than a... 'person to work with', ONLY.

FML... fML... fmL... Fml...FmL...fMl...FMl...FmL...fmL.....!!!!!!! I am so weak to be disturbed by these petty people. I should ignore them and continue on with my life. In the future, I will not meet them anymore nor will I treat them as friends... as what they do to me now. Revenge is sweet, but it is not of my choosing. Like karma, I will do to people what they do to me, good and both alike...! Do not think I will be so kind and stupid enough and forget all of these things in the future. The fire will take a miracle to perish... the fire of vengence.....!!!

It's really sickeningly sad to see the girl I once love and would always be there for her... now treats me nothing more than a monster. I wish I never knew her... I wish I would not see her anymore, as every glimpse makes the hatred gone and comes back even bigger in the end. Why cant I tear out my heart and remove her image from it!? Why can't I go into my brain and destroy every memory I had with her!? Why is it so F**kingly pain in the inside that I couldn't do anything to erase it!!?! WHHHYYYYY!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!

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Johor FYP trip, 1st week

Ah... finally went outstation after staying in KL for such a long time. Did went to Pahang on CNY but no stay over, so don't count... haha. Sat woke up early morning, get ready the final stuffs, played some final FB games, then my bro sent me to LRT. Was a bit late, but LG keep complaining when I reached there, swt...

My bag was so heavy... shouldn't have brought so many clothes. Lucky I could pull my bag as there was a function in the bag. I was sweating like a pig when I reached Pudu bus station as it was hot, I was carrying my freaking heavy bag (I didnt notice the pull thingy until nearly reached the bus station) and I need to help LG take one of her bag. She doesn't appreciate it at all I can see... so I'm doing it all BECAUSE I'm a man. FML...

The trip in the bus was five hour, but I didn't feel any carsick as the seat was comfy and there was enough space for me to lean the chair to sleep a bit. Unfortunately I sat beside LG, because KLiang wanted to sit next to JH, which I said I wanted to sit with earlier. Nvm... I know KL sitting with LG will be even worse, so I 'sacrificed' and let him the seat... which I know she thinks like I WANT to sit next to her. Again, FML...

In the whole trip I didn't talk to her, only offered help and sweets... cause I know she doesn't want to talk to me either, so both happy is we don't talk to each other. Reached Pontian, I was happy cause I don't need to 'stuck' next to her anymore. We went for lunch, and I ate Wan Tan Mee, Pontian style. It was reddish color as they poured something like chili and tomato mixture into the mee rather than black soy sauce. The mee was quite huge (cause I ordered big) and the bowl of soup that comes with it has a lot of food, including meatball, wantan and fishball. I thought it was cheap to eat so much things for a bowl of Wan Tan Mee... but then realised the price was near KL price, RM5++. Plus eating 2 piece of otak otak (50 cents each) and a cup of Sarsi, all cost me RM7.80. Who says Johor food was cheap!?

Feeling full, I don't mind the price. Then Echun's dad came, in his 4 wheel drive car. Not enough place for the 7 of us, so we 3 boys sit at the back, in the open space part. It was my first time sitting at the back of a 4 wheel drive. It wasn't fun when u need to squat at the back, especially when the car hit a stop, turning or a bump. But the taste of wind flowing through your face was... good. Our first stop was the temple.

Wow... the temple was HUGE. And beautiful too... with colors and carvings all over it, I feel comfortable being there. Echun's dad even paid for the joysticks (all of us) so we can start giving our prayers from one God to another. So long have I not done this, and I feel happy to finally able to do it again (cause parents are too busy to bring us to the temple in KL). I was amazed at all the God statues there, cause usually there wasn't that much in a temple. It was a big temple indeed. Following Echun's guide, we prayed the Gods in the right sequence. After that we had a look around. We decided to drop at the big Goddess of Mercy statue first.

The GOM part was more interesting, as when you kneel to pray, water will flow from her vase down to a bowl of water. It's because there is a mechanism on the floor that will allow water to flow when weight is put on it. Cool! There was also the 'kao chim' there, so we had a go with it (not all of us). I was asking for relationship question, so I prayed and throw the 2 piece thingy which I forgot the name. One opened and one closed, so I was allowed to continue. Then I shake and shake the bunch of 'chim' and finally one piece drop down. It was the same with EC's, so I throw the 2 piece to ask if it's the correct one, but both was closed. It means it wasn't the correct one, so I shake another 'chim' out. Another fell out, which was different. Again I throw the 2 piece and both came up different sides, thus revealing this is the number I was looking for.

I went to take the number and asked JH to translate it for me. It was too hard, so asked KL's help. He couldn't translate it either, so HAVE to ask the girls for help (LG was there, sigh). I was embarrassed when they asked 'what question were you asking?', so they could help me translate it. I said relationship, and they laughed, haha... So the answer was 'Your love life is not good. What you wished for will be nothing but an empty shell in the end.' Ah... so true! I actually already know the answer, but the 'kao chim' helped me to further prove that it was real. Was it a coincidence that the number I got and answer was true? I don't think so... The power of 'kao chim' was real, at least for me ^^

LH didn't get to ask as the 2 piece always end up on the same side, thus it is fate that she won't be able to receive the answer... but must seek it out herself. Then we have a walk at the pond area, where there are beautiful fishes swimming around. Then to the well, I don't know if it's a wishing well but we can scoop the water out and wash our hand or face with it's refreshing water.

Finally the time has come for us to go to Echun's house, after passing the permission letter to the temple people. Echun's house wasn't that big, but quite wealthy too. The whole house was nearly using air-cond for cooling. She also have a dog, an expensive breed. We unloaded our baggage and later her mom cooked dinner for us, which is very good...! A professional cook, just like my mom, haha. XD

Around 8.30pm we went to the temple again in her dad's truck. This time no need to kneel as there was no baggage on the back. I love the feeling of riding at the back, as the wind blow through my face... so free. Started recording a lot of stuffs, from the Tiger God event, Hit the bad man event to the God possession event. Very informative and new... my first time experience. Went back quite late. But before going back to Echun's house, her dad bring us for a midnight snack. The porridge there was Ex-Ce-Llent! It was no porridge I taste before... Johor style? Nice! ^^

The next day all was so tired, we slept till nearly 11am. Echun was sick, so we went there late as we need to wait his dad finished his badminton session + sending her to the clinic. Couldn't shot much, so we went back in the evening for the night shoot. The night shoot was again shocking, as this time there were 2 Gods in the presence at the same time, so they went to chat among each other in some kind of deep Chinese language, then walk around blessing the temple and give us a number to buy on the coming Wednesday. So special, haha...

Final day, Monday. Went for breakfast at a Malay store... was more or less like in KL, but their Milo Ais taste better. Shoot some morning scenes, which is a the final wrap up. Then went back, pack up and get ready for the trip back to KL. Will miss the temple and the friendly people there, but there is a parting for each meeting. Reached KL around 8.30pm, then went back as bro fetched me back.

There are a lot of fond memories in those 3 days... but there are some bad ones too. I don't know if it's my fault but I sense that LG doesn't like to sit beside me in the bus. Whatever the reason is, it made me really sad... and mad. Who needs her!? If she wants to sit alone, then let her be. I am getting more and more pissed at LG's attitude. Some how all my good doings are scaring her more and more... is being a nice guy so wrong!?? Does she think I have a bad intention behind all my good deeds? Sigh... FML!

Going for Johor!

Finally, an outstation trip... after so long! (blame Daniel for not organizing the PD trip after so many times talking about it) This trip was meant to be a case study... an assignment. We are doing a documentary on a temple in Johor. EChun took some videos of the place earlier... and I tell you, the place looks soooooo nice! It's beautiful, colorful... the perfect place to relax and get away from city life. And in the video if I'm not wrong, it looks like the temple is near a beach or kampung, something like that. Good! I can relax on the beach when I feel like it... IF I can la, haha..... XD

Whatever it is, I will not let LG make my mood down for tomolo (or today, since it's 12.16am now). I will be the director AND project leader... so I must do my best and BE the best! Yaataaaaa...!!!!! ^O^

P/S: I will try to get more pics to let you guys see how pretty the place is... XD

So siu hei!

Hoyoh... I thought LG was more mature than most people liao, turns out she is also very fast siu hei one. Just now I MSN her and asked her some stuffs. She answered. Then I tease her 'You sure r? Just now u were chatting in lecture too wor... haha'. And guess what she replied?

"if u tak percaya me why u ask me o... u try ask other lo..."

I terus cha dou... then, trying to make her not so angry, I replied "haha, dont marah la... just asking for fun, lol"... then she terus no reply me liao. SO siu hei betul... I also malas to layan her anymore.

Looks like the once girl I thought was so kind, pretty in the inside and the outside... is slowly turning into an ugly monster. A friend of mine overheard her conversation on the phone today, said about her "she talk about someone.. say they so sweet now.. but later wont be so sweet.. cuz "sum tam" as time goes by.."

Oh my... she's turning from bad to worse in gossiping people liao. Sad to see her like that... is it she's taking too much pressure until turning into gossiping to release her anger and frustration/ sadness? I donno... and I shouldn't care.

F**k why am I caring about her so much again!?!! S*it! S*it!! S*it!!! ><''