Did you know that I once...?

 Did you know that I once had a dream, a long time ago, when I was in secondary school? It was no ordinary dream as I still remember a bit details until now. I was in love with a tomboy name GL. I was so in 'love' with her that I had a dream with her. It was in the future. I was shopping with her, happily as husband and wife while she was pregnant, in a futuristic unmanned supermarket. I remembered we just go in and out without needing to take out cash or cc. 30 years ago dream, that was pretty high tech haha... A long time ago dream, that will never come true.

The purpose of life, my life

 Sometimes I ask myself, what is the purpose of life? Of my life? Why is it I'm always thinking of YL, when I can think of somebody else? Why do I keep saving up money, when I can suddenly die and all my money can't be used? Why do I work when I should be enjoying life out there now? What if, what if, what if...?

Then I realized, we are but just a spec of dust in this universe. What we do is purely for our own benefit, our own happiness/sadness. Yes we care for other people, but we care for ourselves first. Like what the airlines people said, you can't save others without saving yourself first. So always think of yourself FIRST.

I think of YL because I feel empty inside, without somebody to think of. I imagine if I don't think of YL, what will happen to me? I may feel depressed... sad... aimless... purposeless... lonely... and this might make me breakdown. That's how depression can do to you. I stepped into darkness, and I pull myself out before it's too late. Depression is no joke, believe me. (Actually I don't think much of her lately, but I just put her inside, one part of me... just in case)

So from now onwards, I will think of anyone, as much as I want, when I want. I will not let loneliness or depression get to me. I play what I want, eat what I want, do whatever I want. I don't know when I will die, but I will live as happy as I can before I do, everyday. My purpose in life? Is to enjoy life as much as possible, with or without love. I don't need to be great, I just need to be me. And I hope you will too. Cheers~!

Happy Dragon New Year~!

 So first post of the year, hope everyone will have a Happy New Year soon. Let's recall what has happened over the past few months:

1. Company dinner at 13 Jan

This time not buffet but Chinese wedding style where each table will be presented their own set of food (halal/non-halal/vip). Still same at Iconic Hotel (food was ok). This year got special 'long service award' which I definitely will get since I work before day 1. It's a certificate and RM300 cheque, yay. Got some performances by own colleague (a way to save money and entertain all). First time get lucky draw too (RM100 ang pow). Best lucky draw prizes: hp that company get for free from signing packages with phone companies (OMG...). Overall, fun and not bad (because I got RM400) haha...

2. Sprained knee while playing badminton

Walao first time kena torn ligament. So serious until I cannot walk as 1 leg was crippled. MC for 2 days, recovered on 4th day. Was using a walking stick to see doctor, it was Hell. Now still a little pain. Doctor said no sports until after CNY. I doubt can fully recovered by then, sigh... Bad year for dog, no doubt.

3. Was hit with Covid last year December

Yup, second time covid. Fun as free off days at home. First day was Hell, high fever, couldn't eat. Then later recovered and stay in bed and gaming whole day. But got some after effects like lost taste bud and leg weakness (maybe the reason I sprained my knee). Whole family kena (including my parents). First time MC of the year, there goes my perfect record haha.

4. Still single and available

Yup, the usual. Starting to shake of YL, but for how long, who knows? Focus more on old games that have stories for entertainment (not H game). Lonely but manageable...

Busy with work (sometimes) as company already listed. More work, bonus only 1 month (less than last year's 1.5 month, shit) and everyone is working like zombies because no add man power but increased workload. IPO only made it worse, shit! The economy is getting worse, everything price increased. Sigh... let's just hope this will be a better year for all. Cheers~!

 

Damn tired of working in this company

 So we got confirmation that our TH side is getting listed (yay). It was actually all good. Until yesterday. Yesterday I got news from my friend that they already booked tickets and accommodation for ALL the HOD (EXCEPT ME) to fly to Bangkok for the ceremony on 1st Nov. I was pissed as I am in charge of CC, so considered a HOD... but my job position is STILL security exec. Then I am often handled work and responsibilities of a HOD, without officially becoming one! Now they want to save money and didn't invite me go. Bloody Hell... I vent my frustration at my dad, how can they ask all HOD go except ME?! Then he said because some is investors (I'm not) and some is 'senior' managers. I then said 'I'm not senior? I work since day ONE in this company!'. Then he got nothing to say but ask me to calm down and be patient... &^%%#@

If it wasn't because of my dad. I would have straight resigned. Stupid company controlled by stupid people (not include my dad). I then tell my dad to either promote me into a HOD or ask the company to hire one, as I'm sick and tired of being a 'nameless' HOD anymore. When want somebody responsible to do KPI or HOD stuffs, come find me. But when got HOD benefits, kick me to the side. What a damn irresponsible company. That's why my love for the company is practically zero.

Finally free... updates

 Ah, finished a big project which was on my shoulder for months. It was tough as I was the ONLY one who went for the course and know (a bit) how to do it, while the other guy in Thailand, who also attended the course, was totally clueless. Clueless at least learn lah, all bergantung on me. Then only know chase me because the heads are chasing him. Really bloody hell... Now to await the people respond and follow up. Work, work (in a grunt voice)...

Love is in the air again, or at least for me. It will happen once I have no games too keen to play, as my mind will wonder off to that 'area', again. Yes, YL, as usual. Nothing new, move on...

Last month was a bad month, where my uncle passed away (age 60+) due to lung cancer. He was a good and kind man, I really do not have the guts to visit him when he was in the hospital, as I waited in the car (and there was no parking at the public hospital). Looking at him in the parlor really breaks my heart. My late grandma's sister also passed away, she was the last kin to my grandma. RIP...

These few weeks was getting high on sports. Thursday badminton 2 hour, Friday futsal 1 hour. Feels like more healthy and don't eat that much anymore. Maybe skinnier a bit too haha. No gym as my gym partner was down with a recurring illness, which take weeks to recover. There was also confirmation just this week that our main company in Thailand have been listed, and we can buy some shares before officially listed on Nov. Looks like I need to take out all my savings to buy shares...

Upgraded our lifestyle a bit. I bought a tablet for my parents each (mi tab 4&5). Dad bought a new sofa set for the Pg house. Later they want to change their queen sized bed to a king sized. The office chair that I brought back from office (a bit broken) broke down, so I bought a RM100 chair as substitute. Not that fancy but better than a rotan chair. Also just bought a 30 inch Prism+ x300 200Hz 21:9 curved gaming monitor, a big upgrade from my 7-8 years current Philip 234E5 monitor. Will reach today, can't wait~!

Life has been fair for me. Yes, no love partner, but I have family and a healthy body. I'm content and grateful, and that makes life a little bit more easier and beautiful everyday. Cheers~!

Another dream of GL

 This morning had another dream where GL agreed when I asked her to be my gf. Then I was texting her in the middle of the night when she was at Australia. It was 3am something. Suddenly *poof* dad awakened me, saying 'Wake up, it's 6am already'... Damn, why did I had another dream of her suddenly!? This time I am sane... I tell myself it was all a dream as GL will NEVER be my gf in this life. Ironically, I heard the song 'All I Have To Do Is Dream - Everly Brothers' while in the car for breakfast with my parents. Damn it, sometimes I really feel like someone is playing with me... or was it my own doing? Shit...

A trip to remember - company team building at Krabi, Thailand

 Last week Thursday was my first trip overseas, as an adult of course. Went to Krabi for free as it's a company trip, which consist of MY and TH side together. Altogether was around 30-40 people. Our BKH side also joined. It was an unforgettable trip (but if you asked me to pay for it, nah...)

Day 1. Early morning wake up and dad sent me to the airport with mom and aunt (after that they went for breakfast). Dropped me at the airport and I already saw some colleagues standing there so I immediately joined them. Flight wasn't delayed so went smoothly to KLIA where we will transit to Krabi. Buuut flight got delayed by 3 hours, so we just lepak and walk around KLIA and ate a pack of nasi lemak that Airasia gave us for free for the flight delay (good).

Reached Krabi airport, realized my check-in baggage was destroyed like 30%! Shocked but colleagues say maybe because of the AirAsia workers throwing bags into the airplane recklessly. Sigh, consider it as a cost for my trip lor (cannot claim as didn't buy insurance- Airasia bad). The leg space in the plane was bad too, now I know why Airasia cheap.

Took a van to the hotel, which is quite far away. Ao Nang beach resort. Tired so check-in, rest a while and then dinner time already. Our company booked the dinner place (buffet) and a small stage for singing and announcing stuffs. I'm surprised that I myself went on the stage too, as the CEO picked my favorite song 'It's my life - Bon Jovi' and 2 more colleagues also sang, so I joined them haha. Our 'work' was paid 200 Baht each, nice! All that went to sing on stage was either given 100/200 Baht each, company belanja haha. After around 3 hours of eating and singing and taking pics, we went for a walk to a neaby 7-Eleven for necessity. Then I go back into my room while my roommate WB joined the others for drinking session.

Day 2. Wake up early for breakfast, second at the hotel buffet. Others was either late or tired from the drinking. After breakfast was team building in a room. It was an internal team building where mostly involves asking questions and doing group discussions. Everyone was encouraged to participate at least once (and get a small gift). I got a nice shopping bag. Then dinner and get ready for trip to the islands.

Half day trip to the islands, I wasn't dressed for activates so just took pictures and soak my leg in the sea. Took a seasick pill to prevent nausea. Dinner was on the beach, not bad (but the food was cold). 'BBQ on the beach' was only the corn and potatoes haha. After that they took us near our resort, where we have to jump ship and walk to shore (it was knee high depth). It was dark and we look like illegal immigrants walking from the sea haha. A special moment indeed. Then went for a nearby night market for some food. After that they went drinking and I went back to the room alone.

Day 3. Wake up for breakfast then get ready for a whole day trip to the islands. This time I'm dressed in those long sleeve shirt and pants, for water activities. Kinda embarrassed but the CEO also dressed like this yesterday, so why not? Haha. Went to a few islands but didn't jump in. Finally gave in when they stopped at a place where the water was clear and fishes was just swimming beneath you (I could nearly catch them with my hand when snorkeling). Shouldn't have eaten so much beforehand. When I dive in was ok, but later became seasick and vomit a bit. So I quickly go up the boat. Then vomit again on the boat, shit. Some spilled on the floor, damn. Luckily all was friendly and helped me. After that place, we went to another island where I sit on the rocks to recover and ate another seasick pill. Half an hour later I was fully recovered, so I missed 1 island trip. CEO was nice and bought some food and drinks for me. One of the most embarrassing moments of my life, damn I can't snorkel due to the waves.

After that I ate on another island (which they already ate) as they bungkus for me. The island is just for hanging out and taking pics/ play water. After that go back hotel. Bath then go out for dinner outside at a restaurant. Food was not bad, a lot of seafood. After dinner, took a van (each paid 100Baht) to another night market. This time bigger with more things to buy. Bought some souvenirs there. Then went back. Again they went for drinks. I walked with JJ and Eugene for a while (chatting), then go back to my room when they leave for drinks.

Day 4. Last day. Ate breakfast then went inside room to pack up. Around 1.30pm a bus came to pick us to the airport. Stopped by at one of those food/souvenir complex before continue to the airport (bus stops). Bought some food, total used in Krabi = near 1k Baht. Reached KLIA then forgot to take passport, ran all the way back into the plane to my seat, luckily still there. Ate oldtown white coffee as lunch/dinner but man that place sucks. Food was ok but orders was messed up. Some get their food late, some missed their drinks, etc. No wonder so little people ate there. Didn't saw the wine section as mom wanted a ginger wine so no buy. Reached Penang airport 10pm and followed dad, mom and aunt back.

Overall was a good experience. Knew my colleagues a little better (JJ and all) and Sun was still avoiding me like the plague, which I don't care anymore. What I hate most is the part where you need to unbuckle your belts for the scanner at the airport, damn annoying. Thailand food was mostly spicy, not that good. The sweet stuffs at the night market is too sweet. Food wasn't that cheap, maybe because tourist area or low value of RM. If I should want to take a vacation sometime in the future, maybe once a year or two would be enough. Not much of a fan for travelling, really...

Manners maketh man

 Last week Friday was an 'unforgettable' day for me. There was this old colleague name CY. He is loaded and retired, currently working as Marketing Manager in our company. Usually he was a good guy. He sometimes buy extra food and pass to me, which I accepted but told her don't already (it's making me fat). Then he still buy it but for another uncle who's working in our office 2 times a week. Sounds good, right?

But on Friday last week, he was up to his 'sarcastic' mode again. He sarcastically mocked me saying my job was easy, even XXX (an incident happened earlier between me and another colleague where I didn't know about XXX) don't know. So I openly said 'Don't know because nobody teach me la. If I know then I don't need to ask lor. For example YYY you also don't know, if I asked you, you also don't know la'. Then he lost his mind. He slammed his table and asked me go into his office. Sure, why not?

Inside his office (with doors opened, his style), he said 'Last time I asked to learn about YYY but you don't let me, now you say I dont know?'. I replied 'Hallo, you want to learn YYY course you need ask the management, it's not me who control who can learn YYY or not'. Then he BOOMS, totally lost it, and in an angry tone said 'FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! GET OUT!'. I was stunned briefly, but trying not to lose my cool, departed his room after that. Bloody hell...

Imagine, being so egoistic and wanting to win every debate, but flips out when he lost? How old are you already? Cursing in office when others can clearly listen. It's damn embarrassing to me and yourself! Lucky I didn't curse him back, else it will be the beginning of WW3. However I do know that these kind of bully cannot be left unattended. I told me dad (COO), some of my colleagues and HR about it. I said I would not take action this time but HR should take note of this incident. However, should he do it again one more time, I will report him for verbal harassments to HR. I know he doesn't care even if he is fired as he's already loaded from retirement at Intel last time.

As my friends know me, I am a good friend when you're a good friend to me. But I will turn into a devil should you do bad things or disrespect me. CY even send me good morning encouragement pictures every morning via Whatsapp. Looks like this is the end of it all. All because he lost control of his temper, he destroyed our good friendship in a matter of seconds. Manners maketh man, it doesn't matter how old/rich/smart your are. Disgusting, really... 

Life is so fickle

 Yesterday was a bad day. Parents quarrel because of something small. I guess even after married for a long time, there will be times when you will 'explode' too. Mom said want to take train back KL la, let my aunt take care of dad la, etc. I think my blood pressure increased by a lot yesterday. Already burdened by the pressure of work, lagi have to call/do this/that, to be the mediator. I think until now also mom still want go KL by train alone. No wonder the doctor say my BP high and need to take medication, sigh...

I guess good/normal times doesn't last eh? I don't want fancy things or to be filthy rich, just a normal life, live peacefully everyday. Is that really too much to ask? Why do people do silly things just because of rage and anger? Will destroying everything you once build just to make your point stand, worth it in the end? Regret is already useless then! Humans..... sigh.

CNY and holidays gone, back to boring working life. Keep on dreaming...!

 Sigh, already start missing the holidays! CNY week was fun as we went to Genting and then my bro came to Penang for nearly a week. We also did 'bai tin kong' which we didnt do for a long time already. We even blasted one of the firecrackers that dad bought a long time ago (luckily still usable) and left 3/4 bunch. It was tiring (as we slept around 3am) but an experience nonetheless. Parents won some money in Genting, which was used a lot when we ate around 3-4k worth of food for the whole duration with my brother, his wife and my aunt. Happiness can't be bought with money, haha...

Bonus was good (around 1.6x) but I heard some other colleagues get only 1.1x (because not set by my dad but by the big bad CEO). How I know this is because one of the girl (Half) wanted to resign and after asking around, this maybe the reason. She started work nearly the same time as me (when the company just opened) and wanted to leave now is too... sudden. A bad boss that doesn't appreciate the staffs will end up with nothing in the end. She's the 'happy go lucky' girl of our company, hope she doesn't go.

Actually a lot of bad things happened this year. A few days ago our company got flooded on the top floor because of a clogged drainage, causing a lot of damages to files and documents (storage area). Yesterday one of our truck toppled in Laos causing a lot of damages (carrying solar panels). As for me, my new shirt was torn just one day wearing it (too small I presume haha) and my sturdy sandal also broken yesterday. Have to be careful this year...

Recently I think to myself, is it ok to fantasize and keep on dreaming? Yes, this is what I do nearly everyday. It keeps me motivated to live my life. It keeps me happy instead of worrying about life. It's what makes me sleep soundly until the next morning. But... is it REALLY ok? I think it's ok, as long as there is no harm to myself or to people around me. Your mind is what you make of it anyway. 

Would it be better if you don't dream but feel empty and lonely everyday? Would it feel better if you stop fantasizing but put your feet on the ground and concentrate on work and money? I don't... that's why I live everyday as happy as I can make of it. I KNOW that my dreams won't be a reality. I UNDERSTAND that fantasies are just an illusion. The most important question is to ask yourself... Are You Happy NOW? I can say 70%, I AM~! And that's enough... for me. So I wish all of you are too. Live life happy, everyday. Adios~!

First 3 times lucky in the year. Good luck for dogo?

Yesterday was somehow the most lucky day for me, this year. I don't know what fell over me, I accidentally left my wallet AND hp in the shopping mall! I only realized it when I enter the car. Luckily my mom tried to call my phone and a good lady (foreigner) pick up the phone and return it to her. She even denied any money my mom wanted to give her. 100% seriously rare good hearted lady, respect! Nothing was lost in my wallet, wow... I was shocked and stunned.

Then my dad went to the barber. While waiting for her, he asked me to go do some shopping with my mom at a nearby departmental store. I tried my luck and found the LAST cat sand (for cat poo) at the pet section. It was rare because no supermarket sell it anymore. Score!

The third one was when we went to the pharmacy to buy face mask (KN95). I went down to look for it while my parents wait in the car. Saw it hidden beneath the bottom shelf, last 2 boxes, and it was on promotion (buy 1 free 1!). Last 2 boxes so can't buy anymore, lucky~! It cost a whooping RM35 for 20 pieces only.

I was really happy when my wallet and phone was not stolen. Maybe getting old, never have I done this before. So careless and forgetful, sigh. I hope this new year will give me luck in love (just wishful thinking) or at least more money so I can retire soon haha. Adios~!