A burden off my shoulder

Huurah, finally paid off my last car installment! So now officially one debt of my shoulders! Although this is a small achievement as it's only a small Axia, but that's the reason why I bought it. Cheap, save petrol and small (to fit in small places) and no need worry to pay a looooong debt off. With the monthly extra 'income', I can save more money for... something. PS5 definitely in my list... maybe a house too? I'll think about it later, haha...

So Valentine has passed, and the few days of watching people's 'romantic posts' sometimes is a bit annoying. 30 over years and still never wasted any money on Valentine. Don't know if I should be happy or sad. Oh well, the 'loneliness' indeed subsided after V-day, thank God...

A new motto I invented, here goes:
"Man live to work 5 days a week. Those that doesn't are either lucky or lazy"

How true is that? Work can be either a man's job or a woman's responsibilities at home. Either way, we live to work. It's a never ending cycle that stops when you're retired... or couldn't work anymore... or dead. Because of this we must appreciate the time off we have! Don't waste it on more working because life is too short for that. Enjoy living... not working!

Enough lecture, people live their own lives. Telling them this is pretty much useless anyway, haha. Men are selfish, one way or another. It's the degree of selfishness that makes a man, a MAN. The world is changing because of men's selfishness. For the worse. I wonder how long until we really reach the point of no return? Because men never awakens until they are at the brink of death. Now where have I heard this before? From some movie, must be...

Time to sip my cup of RM2 McD iced latte and back to work. Adios~!

First sickness of the year

Urgh, had a bad night on Friday night where I woke up suddenly while sleeping and vomited in the bathroom. Then diarrhea. Then vomit again. Maybe due to indigestion, felt better after all those painful moments. Luckily still able to work on the next Saturday morning (half day), then travel to KL some more (for my mom's friend's son wedding lunch on Sunday). If I was unfit as last time, I'm sure I would have been locked on to my bed for a few days. Thanks gym-days!

Found a new girl friend on FB dating. Not young, 36, but who am I to choose now haha. Looks a bit baby fat, okla. Chat in English, very nice! But lives in Penang island. Will this be the start of a beautiful friendship? Only time will tell...

That's all for now, adios~!

New year, new page design

Wow... blogspot really is dying. I clicked on some of my past readers/bloggers that I linked to my page, and most of them are outdated/closed for privacy/ shut downed. Some still surviving like Daniel's but turned into vacation blog (sorry but I don't like to travel haha).

Then I see a new design button so I decided to change a bit of my page for fun. Wanted to put YL's picture but that will be too... desperate. So I put a picture of the girl I 'admired' last time in my badminton session with my friends. Partly cut due to size doesn't fit, haha...

Got 1 month bonus last week, yippee (earlier thought wont get because company new and still losing money). First official company 'lunch' (not dinner as need to cater colleagues from BKH side). Halal, 3/4 star hotel's restaurant. Not bad the food, the place also ok. Most important is to enjoy food with colleagues (and see how pretty the girls dress up haha). I was the only one dress partly CNY mood, sien...

This week is going to hit CNY on Sat and Sun. Friday will start our company's holiday, going up again to meet my brothers and aunty, while enjoying some family time. This year can't enjoy with them longer than last due to sister-in-law starting work early.

Anyway Happy CNY to all, Gong Xi Fa Cai~!

First email of the year (again)

So... 2020 is here, meh... Another year, another day to continue life as a working slave. Kinda sad opening, I know. Must be due to the meh-year I had last year. What better time than now to write all the pros and cons that happened to me last year. Onward~!

Pros:
1. Tried to court a girl
Cons:
1. Girl rejected me, saying don't like everyday whatsapp, want to be alone/ strong feminism, but actually because I didnt 'support' her open flower shop. Then she deleted me from whatsapp and unfriend me in FB (wait, isn't that what I should do instead!?). Proves that a religious girl like her can also be a bitch anytime, sigh...

Pros:
2. Continued work without quitting
Cons:
2. Have to suffer the Chief Entertaining Officer's wrath/idiocy/BS/lunacy

Pros:
3. Go to gym (because my badminton group disbanded, man I miss her...)
Cons:
3. Have to fork out RM150 every 3 months + pain

Pros:
4. Money in the bank growing from less money spent (MTG, entertainment... MTG!)
Cons:
4. Have the urge to sell my Axia to buy the new Bezza (stop it, brain, no!)

Pros:
5. Last year's fat liver is completely gone baby! (thank you gym)
Cons:
5. Damn it, sugar high pula! (start operation low sugar)

Pros:
6. Forgotten YL during the 'courting season'
Cons:
6. Sickness now is even more serious, damn you loneliness!


The world is now in chaos too (WW4 between Iraq and USA?, forest fire in Australia, deadly disease in China, influenza in Malaysia, killings all over the world). Metal Rat year, hope everything will be better soon. Stay safe everyone, peace out~

Adding salt to injury

Butt pain, heart pain... and to add more salt to my injuries, she wrote this on her FB:

目前狀態不清楚
看不清未來
回不到過去
希望我是最好的
是你再也遇不到的

Which translates to this:

The current status is not clear
Can't see the future
Not returning to the past
I hope that I am the best
It’s something you can’t meet anymore.

Wow... how good or 'best' do she think she is? Wasted a few years in Australia to 'pick fruit', come back with some money. But no education except SPM and no job experience (picking fruit is NOT one), then have to work as a clerk in a lawyer firm with low salary. Tell me she wanted to do her own business by opening a florist shop with her sisters, but I tell her it's not easy and needs a lot of planning, which I can't give her as I don't have any experience opening a shop neither.

So is it because I didn't support her or 'volunteer' to join in and let her open the florist shop, that I become 'not on par' with her? Come on, florist shop!? You hardly see one nowadays as people rarely buy flowers anymore. Because she likes flower then she wants to open a florist shop? Pfft... such naive thinking. If I wanted to be frank with her, I would have told her it's a silly idea. Good luck on that, girl.

Is all young girls have such naive thinking like this? Do they expect all their boyfriends to be loaded and MUST support them no matter what they want? Is Korean movies really screwing with their minds too much? (She LOVES Korean movies too, go figure) Bloody Hell, I even cut my hair super short (looking like a monk now) because she says Korean boys cut that kind of hairstyle is handsome. Shit, I didn't cut this hairstyle since I was like in... secondary or primary school!? WTF was I thinking!?!

Ok... it all seems clearer to me now. I was wrongly in love with a NAIVE girl who thinks I am loaded. Caring for her will not work, only money or looks. She's seriously not that pretty, even YL is way prettier, she only looks ok with those camera tricks. Her teeth is jagged/crooked so she don't open her mouth when taking shots. Somehow I thought this 'mediocre' girl is good enough for me but turns out I am the one not good enough for her? Ok, you win.

Lucky I only 'started' to give her part of my heart, else I will feel like dying right now. Heartbreaks is never a good thing and the more one experience it, the heart will starts to harden more and more. It may sound like a bad thing, but it will prevent anymore 'pain' to enter, which in a worst case scenario could lead to death. That is why I'm living my life with the motto 'Got then got la, don't have then nevermind la'. It's to prevent depression one way or another.

Ok, time to say goodbye to the... fourth girl that I loved? Actually screw it, she doesn't even deserve a spot there as I only 'like' her not to the point that I really 'love' her. Like the case with YL, that is how I really 'love' somebody... true, deep and long lasting, even if she doesn't feel the same. Who says love must be 2 sided? Haha, ok... time to stop here for now. Ciao~!

It's a sad day, again...

Sigh... although at first I thought even if I failed in courting her, it won't be such a big deal... and yet here I am, feels like my heart is heavy, uncomfortable... like something is 'missing'. Damn I hate this feeling coming back, again...

It all started yesterday, after I come back from work and resting to play some PS3 as my butt is still in pain from... don't want to go into details about that, one word... PAIN. As I lay on the carpet, I WhatsApp her to know how is she doing, bla bla bla those things. It was like a normal conversation which turned dark soon after. She said she is lazy and bored to answer my WhatsApp, saying it's her fault not mine, saying I am good hearted to care about her but she's BORED and LAZY to reply me sometimes. I was... stunned. Isn't this what girls like, for people to care about them everyday? Heck, I would DIE for someone who cares about me and WhatsApp me everyday! But this girl... is lazy... and BORED about it!? I tried to maintain my cool and replied, in a joking way, that I will try me best to msg her less. She replied 'Whatever... thanks'............................................. wow, speechless.

I guess it's very clear, as clear as she steps on me, with her high heels, on my heart. All those days, without fail, wishing her good morning, goodnight, chatting, helping with  her resignation letter, comforting her... was all useless. She is just too lazy... and bored. Sighhhhhhh.....

Time to stop wasting my time on her and move on. No more need to wish her every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. Time to go back into solo mode, doing the things I want without sharing my ups and downs with another. Yes, I know it'll be hard, but if I can survive the past experiences, this will be a walk in the park. Time will heal my wounds... and perhaps find me my real soulmate too. Adios~!

First update of 2019

Wow, another year have passed and last year only 1 post for the whole year, how time flies. Due to Daniel's request, I will write a post on last year's group gathering with the TARC gang (ok, not the whole gang but YL is there haha).

Aaaaaaanyway, the main point of it is of course because of YL. I didn't see her since... before I come to PG... before she gave got pregnant with her first child..... Yes, that's a lot of years indeed. Around 4 to 5 years I think. Do I still miss her after all these while? Of course I do... every year... every month... every week... nearly every day (which is an improvement). I even remember one point in time my heart ache a little (really pain) when suddenly I have this 'wake up call' that Yee Ling will forever, never be mine. My head already know this but my heart was a little bit 'slow' in accepting it. It was a sad moment at that time and I knew my feelings was real, but nothing can be done anymore. So I slept the pain away..... in regret and loneliness.

When I do meet her again that night in the coffee house, my heart did brighten up a little. She was still as beautiful as the last time I saw her, no sign that she already gave birth to 2 child at all. Then I see the seat next to her was empty, so I maintain my cool and sit next to her (else it will be impolite, right?). Do you know what she do next? She stand up, sit at the seat next to her and put her bag on where she originally sat. So now there's a seat with a bag between me and her! I... don't know what to feel. Angry or sad... or both? I suppressed it and just act like nothing and continue chat with her, WingC and SG. Chatting, chatting then somehow we came into topic where I told her I never seen YL's husband face before. She took a picture of him in her hp and show it to me. His face like... meh!? Like a geek in glasses, an angry looking geek (who like SM) lol... To add salt into my injured heart, she ask 'Don't we look compatible with each other?'..... I paused for 3 seconds and say 'uh, yeah...' Full stop. Next topic! (-1 life that night)

Overall that night, the only good thing I get was a picture with her 'nearly' next to me. I even stupidly use it as my phone wallpaper now *facepalm myself x100* But it will all change soon. Why? Because I'm wooing another girl now, woohoo! A New Girl!! Okok... just a little lightheaded because it's been a long time since I woo a girl. The last time was when I was in college, when I was courting YLin, which ended me in sadness for a few years. (-1 life then too)

This girl is quite good looking (check!). Younger than me by 6 or 7 years (yes!). Wear glasses and reply my We Chat messages fast if she's not working (clerk in a lawyer firm). Problem is she lives quite far away (SP) and she's not good in Cantonese and English (but good in Teow Chew and Mandarin which I sucked in). But she has the initiative to learn English (good!) and in these few days, we chat more than I ever did with YL in my whole life (WeChat). (1 life up!)

Although I did say I can be a bachelor for life, I will not pass up if there's a chance like this. Being in love has it's ups and downs but to be frank I'm quite happy with my bachelor life all these years. Will this girl change the way how I look at love? Will she accept me for who I am? Will she be the one I have been waiting for all my life? So many questions, so many uncertainties... and all I hope is this year will be the year for me. Onwards, doggo bachelors!


P/S: These feelings... must... not... let it... take... over..... me!! Happy Valentine Day everyone!

First update of 2018

So long no touch my blogspot, now suddenly write back also because nothing to do in the office haha... Anyway just started my new job 2 weeks ago (the office is just next to my old old one) and it's still uncertain what my job position here will be. Currently only 6 (including me and my dad) people working here and all of us haven't even signed our employment papers, thus our salary is yet to be determined. This is what happens when you rushed to open a new company and start to do business before all necessity is handled first, sigh...

Aaaaaaanyway, a lot have happened since the last time I post (obviously). YL have 2 children now, 1 boy 1 girl, I think. She have completely shut herself from our group and become a full time mother, I suppose. The only time we chat (via WhatsApp) is when she wished me happy CNY, happy bday and when her 2nd child popped out (yes, we didn't even know she was pregnant). Heard that she always go to her MIL place during weekends, thus no free time at all for gatherings.

The new love of my life is a young girl by the name of Susan... ok not love level yet, just 'like'. She's the dream girl I have always wanted... kind, polite, cute, young (spirited), thin, average height, a little shy, humble... unfortunately too young for me and already have a BF (sure one la). Oh well, it doesn't hurt to dream a little, right? Haha... Meet her from the old working place, then after I quit, still able to see her again as she joined our badminton session (once a week). It was really motivational to sport AND see the girl you like at the same time, though I will still do it if she didn't (seriously). But alas good things always come to an end, and the badminton session ended 2 months ago as their company is organizing a free badminton session once each week too. Damn!

Still, as usual, making myself busy with games so that my mind and heart will not have anytime to drift apart, to the 'lonely zone'. Yeah, loneliness sometimes still hit me, like now. But if you drown yourself with something else, it doesn't hurt that much. Some people chooses alcohol, payed sex, gambling, drugs... while some better alternatives will be family, friends, hobby, entertainment, etc. It's hard not to think about love when love is nearly EVERYWHERE... in the TV, your parents, your crush, your married friends, couples on the streets, comics, animes, newspapers, etc. I still wish I can find one, but just went though my brother's wedding last week. The things he need to do, prepare, buy, sacrifice, waste, endure and finally get married was... not easy. If it was me, I would have chosen NOT to give peng kam (because why would I 'buy' your daughter when you don't do the same for my parents?), I wouldn't do chip sum leong (kena played like that, I would rather die) and not do a wedding dinner (need to buy/ invite/ prepare this and that, so mafan!). But of course this need approval from my..... nvm.

Up until now, the records for babies/ child are: Sum 1, Daniel 1, David 1. Heard from my bro he saw Sum's wife pregnant recently, so no.2 coming for him? YL 2, Jimmy/Wingc 1, YLin 2 (I think), the rest don't know. Sophia and Cyen also got already, don't know 1 or more. Babies... another thing to consider when getting married, lol...

I wonder if YL is fatter now that she gave birth to 2 children? Hmm..... Please don't.

What else is there to write? Oh, this year involved in a car accident where an idiot bang my Axia from behind and caused my car to ram the front car too. All fully paid by his insurance but the trouble and time he wasted us cannot be repaid, damn you! The accident was quite serious (RM10k+ for repairs) but luckily he swift left, not straight banging our behind or else it would have caused serious injuries to my mom who was sitting at the back.

Bought a new silver colored Almera due to my dad not having a company car anymore (bye Camry) and before the SST is implemented. GST was 0% too because the old government ruling party BN is finally toppled by PH. A great history in the making indeed. The ink on my finger took nearly 5 months to totally fade away, haha.

That's all I can think of for today, until next time, ciao!

Shalini's wedding

So last week I went back to KL for nearly a week due to the Raya holidays. It was a much awaited holiday for me from the stress of my new work (that I am experiencing nearly everyday at work). It was also my chance to open my Eternal Masters box, which I am sharing with my bro (which he still haven't pay me back). And most importantly it is to attend my friend's wedding, Shalini's wedding. I was surprised she invited me to her wedding a few months back. Luckily it's in a holiday week so I can attend. Travelling all the way from Penang for a holiday is not exactly cheap.

For the Eternal Master box, the outcome was so-so. Not really profitable but it do cover back the cost. Since I wanted the cards, why not gamble a box for it right? Sucky that there is no rare or mythic foils. Bummer...

The wedding dinner was held at a hotel. It was nicely done, with a lot of people. I see a lot of non-Malaysian too. I wasn't sitting with Edward as I was slotted in last minute (due to some misunderstanding). But surprisingly, I was seated with some Australians, Shalini's bridesmaid and a long lost friend... ex crush of mine, Grace Lee. She was my first love in secondary school (for 4 years) before she left for Australia (I didn't confessed to her cause I know it wouldn't work out). Alright, I was a super shy guy that time too...

Aaaaaanyway, somehow my heart is starting to react. Must be due to my hormone imbalance. She wasn't THAT pretty or cute, still a tomboy. Yes her dress was nice. But in the deep dark corners of my mind I was thinking 'She turned out not bad... I wonder if I should...'! I should have knocked my head on the wall then, HARD.

Being hit by a lvl 1 cupid arrow, I tried my best to act cool and chat with her as steady as I can. Luckily I'm not that old shy guy anymore or else there will be total silence between the 2 of us for the whole night. Oh yeah, did I tell you about the story where we chatted once, a long long time ago, on MSN messenger? She hit me with the question, online, 'Did you like me before in school?'. I was dumbstrucked, but being the honest guy I am I replied 'Yes'. I forgotten how it went after that because it was totally awkward for me (lucky it was online else I would have been hit by a heart attack and died). I guess she didn't mind or have forgotten about it, as we chatted like normal friends while having dinner. A small part of me was sad that night...

The food was ok, but my favorite was the brownies. Man I should have taken more that night, it was AWESOME. We took a picture together with Shalini. It was a night to remember. I am still thinking of her for the next few days. Me being me, sigh...

A big change in life

So I stopped work last year, some where in the middle of November. It was not shocking, but we are only surprised as we did not get a one month notice but just a few days notice (not even a week). Yup, that company is really unorganized and in the shambles. I just felt a bit sad to part with my 2 colleagues that was nice and despite the quite huge age gap, we can hang out together (sometimes we watch movies together, the latest being Captain America CW). The other prick I definitely can't wait to kick out of my life forever. The boss... a mixed of hate/ok feeling. I missed the most is can't surf the internet there + the pay. No money sure sucks...

Sum just got married around 2 months ago, making me the last of the 4 which is still single. Saw YL there, which I have not seen for more than 3 years. Happy to see she didn't turn into a fat married woman after giving birth. More happy that I could take a picture with her in it. Most happy is she listened to my advise and didn't wear that man hat but a bunny ear when taking the picture, lol. I was glad Sum followed with my request to change my sitting to my TARC gang than the MAGIC gang. Three years, it felt like 10... Sigh. Anyway the banquet was nice and food was good. Congrats again Sum! If it wasn't because of the wedding banquet, who knows how long more before I can see her?

After coming back to PG, it was life like normal again. Can't get a job even after a few interviews. But I am still keeping a positive attitude. The economy sucks and it's not only me jobless nowadays. Then after that planned to go Genting with mom as there was free rooms + free food and 'oil money'. Thought want to vacation a bit there. Heavens know on the day we should be departing to Genting, my dad suddenly felt very ill. Told him to go to the doctor many times but he wouldn't listen, so this time he is too sick to work. We fetched him to the doctor and the more experienced doctor said my dad maybe suffering from internal bleeding and asked us to go to a hospital for a thorough exam immediately. After asking different opinions from my dad's many colleagues, we finally end up in Adventist Hospital.

It was as serious as he was immediately sent to the ER for check-up by various specialists. In the end we found out that his liver is badly damaged and need to be sent to the ICU for treatment. His blood need to be cleaned and we are told that he need to do dialysis from now onward. Yup, most diabetic patients will end up with dialysis in the end because the liver will slowly deteriorate and stop functioning well. He was in the ICU for 4 days and transferred into a normal ward to recover then. After another 1 week plus, he checked out from the ward but need to do dialysis 3 times a week in the same hospital.

It is my job as the only son there to fetch him to do dialysis (which last 4 hours every session) 3 times a week, every week. It was hard on dad as early dialysis will made him vomit frequently, as the body starts to adept to the changes. It was also hard on me and mom as we need to take care of him on the clock, 24/7. Due to seeing dad suffering, it sometimes made my mom upset, which in the end is vent out on me, including from my dad. As the only son around, no choice but to take it all in.

Sometimes I think all of this is fated. If I were to stay in KL, then nobody will be here to take care of dad except mom. Nobody will be sending him to and back from the hospital. Nobody will send mom out to buy the necessities for dad. If I were to found a job, I couldn't do all of that too. Now the best option is to be able to work in the same company with dad, so that I can ask for special permission and send him to the hospital for dialysis every week. A normal company wouldn't allow me to do that. I have applied and hope to hear the good news soon. Sorry KL, looks like I won't be able to come back anytime soon, sob...

Dad finally started back his work today, after weeks of absence due to his illness. Mom followed him go to take care of him, leaving me alone in the house. Normally people doing dialysis couldn't work as it is very tiring after each session, so we have to see if dad is able to endure it or end up retiring early. It will not be cheap as the cost of dialysis each session cost below RM300. Lucky my dad's company insurance cover it but not for long. It is going to be a tough road from now on, but we will do whatever we can to survive. At least until the earth goes kaboom...

A lot of bad things lately

Sigh... although I try to maintain a positive and cheerful energy, sometimes it still gets too 'dark' and mood swings come by. The longer I work in this dying company, the more I see how the working world works... and soon 'human' itself.

First I will talk about my company. It's one of the worst company I have seen, although I admit I haven't seen much before. I am not kidding when I say 'WORST'. It's a new company, and it is build entirely from noobs. There is no basic foundation, yet they created the company and 'slowly go from there'. It is completely not organized, with a lot of missing procedures which they will 'amend slowly'. Everything is built from scratch and they thought 'positivity will get us there'. After 1 year and 2 months, the company is still losing and not profiting. So what do the top dogs and CEO/ bosses do? They STOP helping the company... yet EXPECT it to grow by itself and earn them money before they invest more. How the tuut you expect to grow when it is still not matured in the beginning?!? Do you expect a baby to start earning you money after 1 year birth or else you kick it into the dustbin?!?

Stupid money hungry bosses... if they don't have the brains to properly make a new company, then don't waste time and money of EVERYONE involved! This company will surely die because it survives on the help of another company, but the company stop helping until this company start earning. Any idiot can see that if you do that, you basically STOP the whole earning process, how the tuut the company can earn like that!?? Pathetic... I hope this stupid company will die faster to lessen the misery of everyone.

Some other bad things that happened is Daniel's dad got cancer, which is really a shock to me as his dad is one of the fittest dad I have ever meet. I wish him a speedy recovery soon. Then there's the matter of David suddenly stopping Magic completely, even burning the leftover cards to stop himself from ever touching Magic anymore. I blame the wife, because every man deserves a 'he time'. Taking away Magic from him is like taking a part of his life away. No matter what good she wants, forcing something is always a bad thing. Take care my friend, always find me if you have troubles to share. I am really upset how your wife treats you but that is your business, and I can only worry from the side... Sigh!

That's news from 2 of my best friends. Other news is YL, which is no news at all. She is like a cooped up bird, totally stuck with her new baby and husband, ignoring the world outside. Sure she got say 'I miss hanging out' but what did she do in response? Nothing... just talk. Pfft... And I, like usual, still miss her like HELL. Even bought my new car with her words 'PLY'... although it also stands for play, which I am still doing all this while haha. Being single sucks if I think of her... but if I don't think of her... 'Hell Yeaaaaahhhh!' I am free to do whatever I like! Being single is not bad at all. Thinking about commitment, raising a family, funds for children, etc... sometimes scares the shit out of me. Maybe cause my wages is low now? Who cares! Hahaha... YOLO right?

In 2-3 months this shit company will die, then I will be back in KL. Will miss my parents a lot then, and can't do my responsibility as a child to take care of them will make me feel worse. So I shall enjoy every moment here, staying in this shitty company till it dies and taking care of my parents till I go back. Signing off now, take care everybody~!