Butt pain, heart pain... and to add more salt to my injuries, she wrote this on her FB:
目前狀態不清楚
看不清未來
回不到過去
希望我是最好的
是你再也遇不到的
Which translates to this:
The current status is not clear
Can't see the future
Not returning to the past
I hope that I am the best
It’s something you can’t meet anymore.
Wow... how good or 'best' do she think she is? Wasted a few years in Australia to 'pick fruit', come back with some money. But no education except SPM and no job experience (picking fruit is NOT one), then have to work as a clerk in a lawyer firm with low salary. Tell me she wanted to do her own business by opening a florist shop with her sisters, but I tell her it's not easy and needs a lot of planning, which I can't give her as I don't have any experience opening a shop neither.
So is it because I didn't support her or 'volunteer' to join in and let her open the florist shop, that I become 'not on par' with her? Come on, florist shop!? You hardly see one nowadays as people rarely buy flowers anymore. Because she likes flower then she wants to open a florist shop? Pfft... such naive thinking. If I wanted to be frank with her, I would have told her it's a silly idea. Good luck on that, girl.
Is all young girls have such naive thinking like this? Do they expect all their boyfriends to be loaded and MUST support them no matter what they want? Is Korean movies really screwing with their minds too much? (She LOVES Korean movies too, go figure) Bloody Hell, I even cut my hair super short (looking like a monk now) because she says Korean boys cut that kind of hairstyle is handsome. Shit, I didn't cut this hairstyle since I was like in... secondary or primary school!? WTF was I thinking!?!
Ok... it all seems clearer to me now. I was wrongly in love with a NAIVE girl who thinks I am loaded. Caring for her will not work, only money or looks. She's seriously not that pretty, even YL is way prettier, she only looks ok with those camera tricks. Her teeth is jagged/crooked so she don't open her mouth when taking shots. Somehow I thought this 'mediocre' girl is good enough for me but turns out I am the one not good enough for her? Ok, you win.
Lucky I only 'started' to give her part of my heart, else I will feel like dying right now. Heartbreaks is never a good thing and the more one experience it, the heart will starts to harden more and more. It may sound like a bad thing, but it will prevent anymore 'pain' to enter, which in a worst case scenario could lead to death. That is why I'm living my life with the motto 'Got then got la, don't have then nevermind la'. It's to prevent depression one way or another.
Ok, time to say goodbye to the... fourth girl that I loved? Actually screw it, she doesn't even deserve a spot there as I only 'like' her not to the point that I really 'love' her. Like the case with YL, that is how I really 'love' somebody... true, deep and long lasting, even if she doesn't feel the same. Who says love must be 2 sided? Haha, ok... time to stop here for now. Ciao~!
Saturday, May 04, 2019
Friday, May 03, 2019
It's a sad day, again...
Sigh... although at first I thought even if I failed in courting her, it won't be such a big deal... and yet here I am, feels like my heart is heavy, uncomfortable... like something is 'missing'. Damn I hate this feeling coming back, again...
It all started yesterday, after I come back from work and resting to play some PS3 as my butt is still in pain from... don't want to go into details about that, one word... PAIN. As I lay on the carpet, I WhatsApp her to know how is she doing, bla bla bla those things. It was like a normal conversation which turned dark soon after. She said she is lazy and bored to answer my WhatsApp, saying it's her fault not mine, saying I am good hearted to care about her but she's BORED and LAZY to reply me sometimes. I was... stunned. Isn't this what girls like, for people to care about them everyday? Heck, I would DIE for someone who cares about me and WhatsApp me everyday! But this girl... is lazy... and BORED about it!? I tried to maintain my cool and replied, in a joking way, that I will try me best to msg her less. She replied 'Whatever... thanks'............................................. wow, speechless.
I guess it's very clear, as clear as she steps on me, with her high heels, on my heart. All those days, without fail, wishing her good morning, goodnight, chatting, helping with her resignation letter, comforting her... was all useless. She is just too lazy... and bored. Sighhhhhhh.....
Time to stop wasting my time on her and move on. No more need to wish her every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. Time to go back into solo mode, doing the things I want without sharing my ups and downs with another. Yes, I know it'll be hard, but if I can survive the past experiences, this will be a walk in the park. Time will heal my wounds... and perhaps find me my real soulmate too. Adios~!
It all started yesterday, after I come back from work and resting to play some PS3 as my butt is still in pain from... don't want to go into details about that, one word... PAIN. As I lay on the carpet, I WhatsApp her to know how is she doing, bla bla bla those things. It was like a normal conversation which turned dark soon after. She said she is lazy and bored to answer my WhatsApp, saying it's her fault not mine, saying I am good hearted to care about her but she's BORED and LAZY to reply me sometimes. I was... stunned. Isn't this what girls like, for people to care about them everyday? Heck, I would DIE for someone who cares about me and WhatsApp me everyday! But this girl... is lazy... and BORED about it!? I tried to maintain my cool and replied, in a joking way, that I will try me best to msg her less. She replied 'Whatever... thanks'............................................. wow, speechless.
I guess it's very clear, as clear as she steps on me, with her high heels, on my heart. All those days, without fail, wishing her good morning, goodnight, chatting, helping with her resignation letter, comforting her... was all useless. She is just too lazy... and bored. Sighhhhhhh.....
Time to stop wasting my time on her and move on. No more need to wish her every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to sleep. Time to go back into solo mode, doing the things I want without sharing my ups and downs with another. Yes, I know it'll be hard, but if I can survive the past experiences, this will be a walk in the park. Time will heal my wounds... and perhaps find me my real soulmate too. Adios~!
Thursday, February 14, 2019
First update of 2019
Wow, another year have passed and last year only 1 post for the whole year, how time flies. Due to Daniel's request, I will write a post on last year's group gathering with the TARC gang (ok, not the whole gang but YL is there haha).
Aaaaaaanyway, the main point of it is of course because of YL. I didn't see her since... before I come to PG... before she gave got pregnant with her first child..... Yes, that's a lot of years indeed. Around 4 to 5 years I think. Do I still miss her after all these while? Of course I do... every year... every month... every week... nearly every day (which is an improvement). I even remember one point in time my heart ache a little (really pain) when suddenly I have this 'wake up call' that Yee Ling will forever, never be mine. My head already know this but my heart was a little bit 'slow' in accepting it. It was a sad moment at that time and I knew my feelings was real, but nothing can be done anymore. So I slept the pain away..... in regret and loneliness.
When I do meet her again that night in the coffee house, my heart did brighten up a little. She was still as beautiful as the last time I saw her, no sign that she already gave birth to 2 child at all. Then I see the seat next to her was empty, so I maintain my cool and sit next to her (else it will be impolite, right?). Do you know what she do next? She stand up, sit at the seat next to her and put her bag on where she originally sat. So now there's a seat with a bag between me and her! I... don't know what to feel. Angry or sad... or both? I suppressed it and just act like nothing and continue chat with her, WingC and SG. Chatting, chatting then somehow we came into topic where I told her I never seen YL's husband face before. She took a picture of him in her hp and show it to me. His face like... meh!? Like a geek in glasses, an angry looking geek (who like SM) lol... To add salt into my injured heart, she ask 'Don't we look compatible with each other?'..... I paused for 3 seconds and say 'uh, yeah...' Full stop. Next topic! (-1 life that night)
Overall that night, the only good thing I get was a picture with her 'nearly' next to me. I even stupidly use it as my phone wallpaper now *facepalm myself x100* But it will all change soon. Why? Because I'm wooing another girl now, woohoo! A New Girl!! Okok... just a little lightheaded because it's been a long time since I woo a girl. The last time was when I was in college, when I was courting YLin, which ended me in sadness for a few years. (-1 life then too)
This girl is quite good looking (check!). Younger than me by 6 or 7 years (yes!). Wear glasses and reply my We Chat messages fast if she's not working (clerk in a lawyer firm). Problem is she lives quite far away (SP) and she's not good in Cantonese and English (but good in Teow Chew and Mandarin which I sucked in). But she has the initiative to learn English (good!) and in these few days, we chat more than I ever did with YL in my whole life (WeChat). (1 life up!)
Although I did say I can be a bachelor for life, I will not pass up if there's a chance like this. Being in love has it's ups and downs but to be frank I'm quite happy with my bachelor life all these years. Will this girl change the way how I look at love? Will she accept me for who I am? Will she be the one I have been waiting for all my life? So many questions, so many uncertainties... and all I hope is this year will be the year for me. Onwards, doggo bachelors!
P/S: These feelings... must... not... let it... take... over..... me!! Happy Valentine Day everyone!
Aaaaaaanyway, the main point of it is of course because of YL. I didn't see her since... before I come to PG... before she gave got pregnant with her first child..... Yes, that's a lot of years indeed. Around 4 to 5 years I think. Do I still miss her after all these while? Of course I do... every year... every month... every week... nearly every day (which is an improvement). I even remember one point in time my heart ache a little (really pain) when suddenly I have this 'wake up call' that Yee Ling will forever, never be mine. My head already know this but my heart was a little bit 'slow' in accepting it. It was a sad moment at that time and I knew my feelings was real, but nothing can be done anymore. So I slept the pain away..... in regret and loneliness.
When I do meet her again that night in the coffee house, my heart did brighten up a little. She was still as beautiful as the last time I saw her, no sign that she already gave birth to 2 child at all. Then I see the seat next to her was empty, so I maintain my cool and sit next to her (else it will be impolite, right?). Do you know what she do next? She stand up, sit at the seat next to her and put her bag on where she originally sat. So now there's a seat with a bag between me and her! I... don't know what to feel. Angry or sad... or both? I suppressed it and just act like nothing and continue chat with her, WingC and SG. Chatting, chatting then somehow we came into topic where I told her I never seen YL's husband face before. She took a picture of him in her hp and show it to me. His face like... meh!? Like a geek in glasses, an angry looking geek (who like SM) lol... To add salt into my injured heart, she ask 'Don't we look compatible with each other?'..... I paused for 3 seconds and say 'uh, yeah...' Full stop. Next topic! (-1 life that night)
Overall that night, the only good thing I get was a picture with her 'nearly' next to me. I even stupidly use it as my phone wallpaper now *facepalm myself x100* But it will all change soon. Why? Because I'm wooing another girl now, woohoo! A New Girl!! Okok... just a little lightheaded because it's been a long time since I woo a girl. The last time was when I was in college, when I was courting YLin, which ended me in sadness for a few years. (-1 life then too)
This girl is quite good looking (check!). Younger than me by 6 or 7 years (yes!). Wear glasses and reply my We Chat messages fast if she's not working (clerk in a lawyer firm). Problem is she lives quite far away (SP) and she's not good in Cantonese and English (but good in Teow Chew and Mandarin which I sucked in). But she has the initiative to learn English (good!) and in these few days, we chat more than I ever did with YL in my whole life (WeChat). (1 life up!)
Although I did say I can be a bachelor for life, I will not pass up if there's a chance like this. Being in love has it's ups and downs but to be frank I'm quite happy with my bachelor life all these years. Will this girl change the way how I look at love? Will she accept me for who I am? Will she be the one I have been waiting for all my life? So many questions, so many uncertainties... and all I hope is this year will be the year for me. Onwards, doggo bachelors!
P/S: These feelings... must... not... let it... take... over..... me!! Happy Valentine Day everyone!
Thursday, October 11, 2018
First update of 2018
So long no touch my blogspot, now suddenly write back also because nothing to do in the office haha... Anyway just started my new job 2 weeks ago (the office is just next to my old old one) and it's still uncertain what my job position here will be. Currently only 6 (including me and my dad) people working here and all of us haven't even signed our employment papers, thus our salary is yet to be determined. This is what happens when you rushed to open a new company and start to do business before all necessity is handled first, sigh...
Aaaaaaanyway, a lot have happened since the last time I post (obviously). YL have 2 children now, 1 boy 1 girl, I think. She have completely shut herself from our group and become a full time mother, I suppose. The only time we chat (via WhatsApp) is when she wished me happy CNY, happy bday and when her 2nd child popped out (yes, we didn't even know she was pregnant). Heard that she always go to her MIL place during weekends, thus no free time at all for gatherings.
The new love of my life is a young girl by the name of Susan... ok not love level yet, just 'like'. She's the dream girl I have always wanted... kind, polite, cute, young (spirited), thin, average height, a little shy, humble... unfortunately too young for me and already have a BF (sure one la). Oh well, it doesn't hurt to dream a little, right? Haha... Meet her from the old working place, then after I quit, still able to see her again as she joined our badminton session (once a week). It was really motivational to sport AND see the girl you like at the same time, though I will still do it if she didn't (seriously). But alas good things always come to an end, and the badminton session ended 2 months ago as their company is organizing a free badminton session once each week too. Damn!
Still, as usual, making myself busy with games so that my mind and heart will not have anytime to drift apart, to the 'lonely zone'. Yeah, loneliness sometimes still hit me, like now. But if you drown yourself with something else, it doesn't hurt that much. Some people chooses alcohol, payed sex, gambling, drugs... while some better alternatives will be family, friends, hobby, entertainment, etc. It's hard not to think about love when love is nearly EVERYWHERE... in the TV, your parents, your crush, your married friends, couples on the streets, comics, animes, newspapers, etc. I still wish I can find one, but just went though my brother's wedding last week. The things he need to do, prepare, buy, sacrifice, waste, endure and finally get married was... not easy. If it was me, I would have chosen NOT to give peng kam (because why would I 'buy' your daughter when you don't do the same for my parents?), I wouldn't do chip sum leong (kena played like that, I would rather die) and not do a wedding dinner (need to buy/ invite/ prepare this and that, so mafan!). But of course this need approval from my..... nvm.
Up until now, the records for babies/ child are: Sum 1, Daniel 1, David 1. Heard from my bro he saw Sum's wife pregnant recently, so no.2 coming for him? YL 2, Jimmy/Wingc 1, YLin 2 (I think), the rest don't know. Sophia and Cyen also got already, don't know 1 or more. Babies... another thing to consider when getting married, lol...
I wonder if YL is fatter now that she gave birth to 2 children? Hmm..... Please don't.
What else is there to write? Oh, this year involved in a car accident where an idiot bang my Axia from behind and caused my car to ram the front car too. All fully paid by his insurance but the trouble and time he wasted us cannot be repaid, damn you! The accident was quite serious (RM10k+ for repairs) but luckily he swift left, not straight banging our behind or else it would have caused serious injuries to my mom who was sitting at the back.
Bought a new silver colored Almera due to my dad not having a company car anymore (bye Camry) and before the SST is implemented. GST was 0% too because the old government ruling party BN is finally toppled by PH. A great history in the making indeed. The ink on my finger took nearly 5 months to totally fade away, haha.
That's all I can think of for today, until next time, ciao!
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Shalini's wedding
So last week I went back to KL for nearly a week due to the Raya holidays. It was a much awaited holiday for me from the stress of my new work (that I am experiencing nearly everyday at work). It was also my chance to open my Eternal Masters box, which I am sharing with my bro (which he still haven't pay me back). And most importantly it is to attend my friend's wedding, Shalini's wedding. I was surprised she invited me to her wedding a few months back. Luckily it's in a holiday week so I can attend. Travelling all the way from Penang for a holiday is not exactly cheap.
For the Eternal Master box, the outcome was so-so. Not really profitable but it do cover back the cost. Since I wanted the cards, why not gamble a box for it right? Sucky that there is no rare or mythic foils. Bummer...
The wedding dinner was held at a hotel. It was nicely done, with a lot of people. I see a lot of non-Malaysian too. I wasn't sitting with Edward as I was slotted in last minute (due to some misunderstanding). But surprisingly, I was seated with some Australians, Shalini's bridesmaid and a long lost friend... ex crush of mine, Grace Lee. She was my first love in secondary school (for 4 years) before she left for Australia (I didn't confessed to her cause I know it wouldn't work out). Alright, I was a super shy guy that time too...
Aaaaaanyway, somehow my heart is starting to react. Must be due to my hormone imbalance. She wasn't THAT pretty or cute, still a tomboy. Yes her dress was nice. But in the deep dark corners of my mind I was thinking 'She turned out not bad... I wonder if I should...'! I should have knocked my head on the wall then, HARD.
Being hit by a lvl 1 cupid arrow, I tried my best to act cool and chat with her as steady as I can. Luckily I'm not that old shy guy anymore or else there will be total silence between the 2 of us for the whole night. Oh yeah, did I tell you about the story where we chatted once, a long long time ago, on MSN messenger? She hit me with the question, online, 'Did you like me before in school?'. I was dumbstrucked, but being the honest guy I am I replied 'Yes'. I forgotten how it went after that because it was totally awkward for me (lucky it was online else I would have been hit by a heart attack and died). I guess she didn't mind or have forgotten about it, as we chatted like normal friends while having dinner. A small part of me was sad that night...
The food was ok, but my favorite was the brownies. Man I should have taken more that night, it was AWESOME. We took a picture together with Shalini. It was a night to remember. I am still thinking of her for the next few days. Me being me, sigh...
For the Eternal Master box, the outcome was so-so. Not really profitable but it do cover back the cost. Since I wanted the cards, why not gamble a box for it right? Sucky that there is no rare or mythic foils. Bummer...
The wedding dinner was held at a hotel. It was nicely done, with a lot of people. I see a lot of non-Malaysian too. I wasn't sitting with Edward as I was slotted in last minute (due to some misunderstanding). But surprisingly, I was seated with some Australians, Shalini's bridesmaid and a long lost friend... ex crush of mine, Grace Lee. She was my first love in secondary school (for 4 years) before she left for Australia (I didn't confessed to her cause I know it wouldn't work out). Alright, I was a super shy guy that time too...
Aaaaaanyway, somehow my heart is starting to react. Must be due to my hormone imbalance. She wasn't THAT pretty or cute, still a tomboy. Yes her dress was nice. But in the deep dark corners of my mind I was thinking 'She turned out not bad... I wonder if I should...'! I should have knocked my head on the wall then, HARD.
Being hit by a lvl 1 cupid arrow, I tried my best to act cool and chat with her as steady as I can. Luckily I'm not that old shy guy anymore or else there will be total silence between the 2 of us for the whole night. Oh yeah, did I tell you about the story where we chatted once, a long long time ago, on MSN messenger? She hit me with the question, online, 'Did you like me before in school?'. I was dumbstrucked, but being the honest guy I am I replied 'Yes'. I forgotten how it went after that because it was totally awkward for me (lucky it was online else I would have been hit by a heart attack and died). I guess she didn't mind or have forgotten about it, as we chatted like normal friends while having dinner. A small part of me was sad that night...
The food was ok, but my favorite was the brownies. Man I should have taken more that night, it was AWESOME. We took a picture together with Shalini. It was a night to remember. I am still thinking of her for the next few days. Me being me, sigh...
Tuesday, May 03, 2016
A big change in life
So I stopped work last year, some where in the middle of November. It was not shocking, but we are only surprised as we did not get a one month notice but just a few days notice (not even a week). Yup, that company is really unorganized and in the shambles. I just felt a bit sad to part with my 2 colleagues that was nice and despite the quite huge age gap, we can hang out together (sometimes we watch movies together, the latest being Captain America CW). The other prick I definitely can't wait to kick out of my life forever. The boss... a mixed of hate/ok feeling. I missed the most is can't surf the internet there + the pay. No money sure sucks...
Sum just got married around 2 months ago, making me the last of the 4 which is still single. Saw YL there, which I have not seen for more than 3 years. Happy to see she didn't turn into a fat married woman after giving birth. More happy that I could take a picture with her in it. Most happy is she listened to my advise and didn't wear that man hat but a bunny ear when taking the picture, lol. I was glad Sum followed with my request to change my sitting to my TARC gang than the MAGIC gang. Three years, it felt like 10... Sigh. Anyway the banquet was nice and food was good. Congrats again Sum! If it wasn't because of the wedding banquet, who knows how long more before I can see her?
After coming back to PG, it was life like normal again. Can't get a job even after a few interviews. But I am still keeping a positive attitude. The economy sucks and it's not only me jobless nowadays. Then after that planned to go Genting with mom as there was free rooms + free food and 'oil money'. Thought want to vacation a bit there. Heavens know on the day we should be departing to Genting, my dad suddenly felt very ill. Told him to go to the doctor many times but he wouldn't listen, so this time he is too sick to work. We fetched him to the doctor and the more experienced doctor said my dad maybe suffering from internal bleeding and asked us to go to a hospital for a thorough exam immediately. After asking different opinions from my dad's many colleagues, we finally end up in Adventist Hospital.
It was as serious as he was immediately sent to the ER for check-up by various specialists. In the end we found out that his liver is badly damaged and need to be sent to the ICU for treatment. His blood need to be cleaned and we are told that he need to do dialysis from now onward. Yup, most diabetic patients will end up with dialysis in the end because the liver will slowly deteriorate and stop functioning well. He was in the ICU for 4 days and transferred into a normal ward to recover then. After another 1 week plus, he checked out from the ward but need to do dialysis 3 times a week in the same hospital.
It is my job as the only son there to fetch him to do dialysis (which last 4 hours every session) 3 times a week, every week. It was hard on dad as early dialysis will made him vomit frequently, as the body starts to adept to the changes. It was also hard on me and mom as we need to take care of him on the clock, 24/7. Due to seeing dad suffering, it sometimes made my mom upset, which in the end is vent out on me, including from my dad. As the only son around, no choice but to take it all in.
Sometimes I think all of this is fated. If I were to stay in KL, then nobody will be here to take care of dad except mom. Nobody will be sending him to and back from the hospital. Nobody will send mom out to buy the necessities for dad. If I were to found a job, I couldn't do all of that too. Now the best option is to be able to work in the same company with dad, so that I can ask for special permission and send him to the hospital for dialysis every week. A normal company wouldn't allow me to do that. I have applied and hope to hear the good news soon. Sorry KL, looks like I won't be able to come back anytime soon, sob...
Dad finally started back his work today, after weeks of absence due to his illness. Mom followed him go to take care of him, leaving me alone in the house. Normally people doing dialysis couldn't work as it is very tiring after each session, so we have to see if dad is able to endure it or end up retiring early. It will not be cheap as the cost of dialysis each session cost below RM300. Lucky my dad's company insurance cover it but not for long. It is going to be a tough road from now on, but we will do whatever we can to survive. At least until the earth goes kaboom...
Sum just got married around 2 months ago, making me the last of the 4 which is still single. Saw YL there, which I have not seen for more than 3 years. Happy to see she didn't turn into a fat married woman after giving birth. More happy that I could take a picture with her in it. Most happy is she listened to my advise and didn't wear that man hat but a bunny ear when taking the picture, lol. I was glad Sum followed with my request to change my sitting to my TARC gang than the MAGIC gang. Three years, it felt like 10... Sigh. Anyway the banquet was nice and food was good. Congrats again Sum! If it wasn't because of the wedding banquet, who knows how long more before I can see her?
After coming back to PG, it was life like normal again. Can't get a job even after a few interviews. But I am still keeping a positive attitude. The economy sucks and it's not only me jobless nowadays. Then after that planned to go Genting with mom as there was free rooms + free food and 'oil money'. Thought want to vacation a bit there. Heavens know on the day we should be departing to Genting, my dad suddenly felt very ill. Told him to go to the doctor many times but he wouldn't listen, so this time he is too sick to work. We fetched him to the doctor and the more experienced doctor said my dad maybe suffering from internal bleeding and asked us to go to a hospital for a thorough exam immediately. After asking different opinions from my dad's many colleagues, we finally end up in Adventist Hospital.
It was as serious as he was immediately sent to the ER for check-up by various specialists. In the end we found out that his liver is badly damaged and need to be sent to the ICU for treatment. His blood need to be cleaned and we are told that he need to do dialysis from now onward. Yup, most diabetic patients will end up with dialysis in the end because the liver will slowly deteriorate and stop functioning well. He was in the ICU for 4 days and transferred into a normal ward to recover then. After another 1 week plus, he checked out from the ward but need to do dialysis 3 times a week in the same hospital.
It is my job as the only son there to fetch him to do dialysis (which last 4 hours every session) 3 times a week, every week. It was hard on dad as early dialysis will made him vomit frequently, as the body starts to adept to the changes. It was also hard on me and mom as we need to take care of him on the clock, 24/7. Due to seeing dad suffering, it sometimes made my mom upset, which in the end is vent out on me, including from my dad. As the only son around, no choice but to take it all in.
Sometimes I think all of this is fated. If I were to stay in KL, then nobody will be here to take care of dad except mom. Nobody will be sending him to and back from the hospital. Nobody will send mom out to buy the necessities for dad. If I were to found a job, I couldn't do all of that too. Now the best option is to be able to work in the same company with dad, so that I can ask for special permission and send him to the hospital for dialysis every week. A normal company wouldn't allow me to do that. I have applied and hope to hear the good news soon. Sorry KL, looks like I won't be able to come back anytime soon, sob...
Dad finally started back his work today, after weeks of absence due to his illness. Mom followed him go to take care of him, leaving me alone in the house. Normally people doing dialysis couldn't work as it is very tiring after each session, so we have to see if dad is able to endure it or end up retiring early. It will not be cheap as the cost of dialysis each session cost below RM300. Lucky my dad's company insurance cover it but not for long. It is going to be a tough road from now on, but we will do whatever we can to survive. At least until the earth goes kaboom...
Thursday, October 22, 2015
A lot of bad things lately
Sigh... although I try to maintain a positive and cheerful energy, sometimes it still gets too 'dark' and mood swings come by. The longer I work in this dying company, the more I see how the working world works... and soon 'human' itself.
First I will talk about my company. It's one of the worst company I have seen, although I admit I haven't seen much before. I am not kidding when I say 'WORST'. It's a new company, and it is build entirely from noobs. There is no basic foundation, yet they created the company and 'slowly go from there'. It is completely not organized, with a lot of missing procedures which they will 'amend slowly'. Everything is built from scratch and they thought 'positivity will get us there'. After 1 year and 2 months, the company is still losing and not profiting. So what do the top dogs and CEO/ bosses do? They STOP helping the company... yet EXPECT it to grow by itself and earn them money before they invest more. How the tuut you expect to grow when it is still not matured in the beginning?!? Do you expect a baby to start earning you money after 1 year birth or else you kick it into the dustbin?!?
Stupid money hungry bosses... if they don't have the brains to properly make a new company, then don't waste time and money of EVERYONE involved! This company will surely die because it survives on the help of another company, but the company stop helping until this company start earning. Any idiot can see that if you do that, you basically STOP the whole earning process, how the tuut the company can earn like that!?? Pathetic... I hope this stupid company will die faster to lessen the misery of everyone.
Some other bad things that happened is Daniel's dad got cancer, which is really a shock to me as his dad is one of the fittest dad I have ever meet. I wish him a speedy recovery soon. Then there's the matter of David suddenly stopping Magic completely, even burning the leftover cards to stop himself from ever touching Magic anymore. I blame the wife, because every man deserves a 'he time'. Taking away Magic from him is like taking a part of his life away. No matter what good she wants, forcing something is always a bad thing. Take care my friend, always find me if you have troubles to share. I am really upset how your wife treats you but that is your business, and I can only worry from the side... Sigh!
That's news from 2 of my best friends. Other news is YL, which is no news at all. She is like a cooped up bird, totally stuck with her new baby and husband, ignoring the world outside. Sure she got say 'I miss hanging out' but what did she do in response? Nothing... just talk. Pfft... And I, like usual, still miss her like HELL. Even bought my new car with her words 'PLY'... although it also stands for play, which I am still doing all this while haha. Being single sucks if I think of her... but if I don't think of her... 'Hell Yeaaaaahhhh!' I am free to do whatever I like! Being single is not bad at all. Thinking about commitment, raising a family, funds for children, etc... sometimes scares the shit out of me. Maybe cause my wages is low now? Who cares! Hahaha... YOLO right?
In 2-3 months this shit company will die, then I will be back in KL. Will miss my parents a lot then, and can't do my responsibility as a child to take care of them will make me feel worse. So I shall enjoy every moment here, staying in this shitty company till it dies and taking care of my parents till I go back. Signing off now, take care everybody~!
First I will talk about my company. It's one of the worst company I have seen, although I admit I haven't seen much before. I am not kidding when I say 'WORST'. It's a new company, and it is build entirely from noobs. There is no basic foundation, yet they created the company and 'slowly go from there'. It is completely not organized, with a lot of missing procedures which they will 'amend slowly'. Everything is built from scratch and they thought 'positivity will get us there'. After 1 year and 2 months, the company is still losing and not profiting. So what do the top dogs and CEO/ bosses do? They STOP helping the company... yet EXPECT it to grow by itself and earn them money before they invest more. How the tuut you expect to grow when it is still not matured in the beginning?!? Do you expect a baby to start earning you money after 1 year birth or else you kick it into the dustbin?!?
Stupid money hungry bosses... if they don't have the brains to properly make a new company, then don't waste time and money of EVERYONE involved! This company will surely die because it survives on the help of another company, but the company stop helping until this company start earning. Any idiot can see that if you do that, you basically STOP the whole earning process, how the tuut the company can earn like that!?? Pathetic... I hope this stupid company will die faster to lessen the misery of everyone.
Some other bad things that happened is Daniel's dad got cancer, which is really a shock to me as his dad is one of the fittest dad I have ever meet. I wish him a speedy recovery soon. Then there's the matter of David suddenly stopping Magic completely, even burning the leftover cards to stop himself from ever touching Magic anymore. I blame the wife, because every man deserves a 'he time'. Taking away Magic from him is like taking a part of his life away. No matter what good she wants, forcing something is always a bad thing. Take care my friend, always find me if you have troubles to share. I am really upset how your wife treats you but that is your business, and I can only worry from the side... Sigh!
That's news from 2 of my best friends. Other news is YL, which is no news at all. She is like a cooped up bird, totally stuck with her new baby and husband, ignoring the world outside. Sure she got say 'I miss hanging out' but what did she do in response? Nothing... just talk. Pfft... And I, like usual, still miss her like HELL. Even bought my new car with her words 'PLY'... although it also stands for play, which I am still doing all this while haha. Being single sucks if I think of her... but if I don't think of her... 'Hell Yeaaaaahhhh!' I am free to do whatever I like! Being single is not bad at all. Thinking about commitment, raising a family, funds for children, etc... sometimes scares the shit out of me. Maybe cause my wages is low now? Who cares! Hahaha... YOLO right?
In 2-3 months this shit company will die, then I will be back in KL. Will miss my parents a lot then, and can't do my responsibility as a child to take care of them will make me feel worse. So I shall enjoy every moment here, staying in this shitty company till it dies and taking care of my parents till I go back. Signing off now, take care everybody~!
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
First update of 2015
So long no touched my blog. Been busy with work and all. Started working in a new company since September last month, and still working here... with no confirmation letter in sight (although he told me confirmed already by words of mouth). Tried to join Robb's company but the company is crazy strict and requirements are damn high. I tried for the BM one, failed. Then I thought I could get the America gy one, also failed. With my standard of English also failed, I can see why there is still so many vacancy left in his office. Those that have 'superior' English skill won't even think of working as a customer service, lol... Oh well, at least I tried.
Life has been up and down for me, so far... as usual. Yup it still gets boring sometimes but I am glad I am able to accompany my parents here. A big sacrifice but I'm ok. Worked 6 months plus and already got a car and some cash in my bank account, more than my 2 bros I think, lol. Still missing YL whenever my mind is free, though starting to accept more than she's married and there's no point missing someone who doesn't miss nor give a damn about you (insert emo guy here). Stupid brain...
Slowly I feel into the trap of humanity. I thought I could live a life that is free from the norms of mankind, but no... I still fell into the trap nevertheless. I couldn't follow my dreams, I have responsibilities to bear, my legs are bounded and my hands attached... all I can do is dream. Dream is all I have left while continuing my life as a robot of society. I wonder if I there really is a red pill... and if faced with the situation, will I really swallow that red pill?
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Love and life
So I started my new life here in Pg. It was very sudden at first, with only 2 weeks for me to prepare my new work life in another country. But I know I cant delay this anymore, and with her gotten married with another man, I can rest assured she will be in good hands and not in my heart anymore... or so I thought.
Work life is not as scary or hard as I thought. Everyday seems like a new challenge, with new colleges and thinking of where to eat (I love to eat, haha). Changed work place from an office to a house office (waiting for new workplace to fully renovate). And the boss is friendly too (dont even need to call them mr or sir). With not too much headache and getting paid while doing work is not bad at all. I even booked a car, my OWN car. How cool is that? Last week bought a 3ds game worth 180. Expensive but I dont feel it that much... cause I have MONEY, baby! Uh oh, I think I'm starting to have a problem that most adults have... money power problem. Comes with the territory.
YL just gave birth to a baby boy last 2 weeks I think... or 1 week. That reminds me, during her bday (this year), I smsed her and wish her happy birthday through sms. No reply, as I expected. Not even a thanks. Then Daniel, who was with me then at McD, also smsed her. He got a reply! Wtf...!? Now I know how much my friendship is 'worth' with YL... near to zero!
Why am I still so mad at her for something so trivial? F**K it, I thought starting my work life will forget her, not power it up! Maybe it's true... when you want to forget something, the harder you try, the more you will remember. The only way to forget is accept it and make it a part of yourself. Then it will slowly merge with your feelings and you will not remember it that much anymore. Why cant I accept that she's married with another, like what happened to YLin? I can forget YLin, so why not her?!? Argh... looks like this poison is more serious than I thought.....
Work life is not as scary or hard as I thought. Everyday seems like a new challenge, with new colleges and thinking of where to eat (I love to eat, haha). Changed work place from an office to a house office (waiting for new workplace to fully renovate). And the boss is friendly too (dont even need to call them mr or sir). With not too much headache and getting paid while doing work is not bad at all. I even booked a car, my OWN car. How cool is that? Last week bought a 3ds game worth 180. Expensive but I dont feel it that much... cause I have MONEY, baby! Uh oh, I think I'm starting to have a problem that most adults have... money power problem. Comes with the territory.
YL just gave birth to a baby boy last 2 weeks I think... or 1 week. That reminds me, during her bday (this year), I smsed her and wish her happy birthday through sms. No reply, as I expected. Not even a thanks. Then Daniel, who was with me then at McD, also smsed her. He got a reply! Wtf...!? Now I know how much my friendship is 'worth' with YL... near to zero!
Why am I still so mad at her for something so trivial? F**K it, I thought starting my work life will forget her, not power it up! Maybe it's true... when you want to forget something, the harder you try, the more you will remember. The only way to forget is accept it and make it a part of yourself. Then it will slowly merge with your feelings and you will not remember it that much anymore. Why cant I accept that she's married with another, like what happened to YLin? I can forget YLin, so why not her?!? Argh... looks like this poison is more serious than I thought.....
Monday, February 24, 2014
Words of wisdom?
Saw a words of wisdom on FB today. It wrote:
If you can't get someone out of your head, maybe that person is meant to stay there.
Hmm... is that why YL still lingers in my mind no matter how hard I try to shake it out of my thick skull? Sigh... Get a hold of yourself, damnit! The feeling of wanting somebody is just to... irresistible. Bloody painful, bloody true!
If you can't get someone out of your head, maybe that person is meant to stay there.
Hmm... is that why YL still lingers in my mind no matter how hard I try to shake it out of my thick skull? Sigh... Get a hold of yourself, damnit! The feeling of wanting somebody is just to... irresistible. Bloody painful, bloody true!
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Lonely girl?
Went to the morning market with my mom just now. While following her, suddenly I saw a girl. She is not too young nor too old, maybe around her 20's or 30's. What makes her different is that she is... tall. Very tall, even taller than David. She somehow looks... sweet, yet... missing something. Then it hits me... is she lonely? Tall girls usually are avoided by guys, sadly. Is she one of them?
Then it hits me back... why am I thinking for her, a complete stranger? Do I see myself in her? Lonely... sometimes it hits the heart. Sad but truthfully painful... sometimes.....
Then it hits me back... why am I thinking for her, a complete stranger? Do I see myself in her? Lonely... sometimes it hits the heart. Sad but truthfully painful... sometimes.....
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