The dangers of gambling

 Went to Genting last week. I knew gambling was bad yet I told myself to go and gamble a bit, just for fun. But when I started to play on the slot machines, it was really... irresistible. There's always that urge that says 'put in another RM100 and you will win it back and hit jackpot too!'. Well, it was always the opposite haha...

One time an aunty who sit next 3 seats to me won RM7k! walao... and it's not even a jackpot. Then later she won another 3k! That really fire me up to try again, which in the end lost all money haha. Conclusion, 1 in a million can win, but the others will lose. But when you're gambling, you will always feel you're 'the one', thus losing more. Until you cant lose no more.

When I was young, I only play RM100, because losing RM100 is really pain for me (sometimes I wont even gamble to prevent losing RM100). Now with more disposable income, I will go for a few hundred, sometimes even 1k. Now I know why my dad or friends lost so much on the gambling table. When you start gambling, you turned into another you. The 'greedy monster' you. It was fun, but cost dearly. So to everybody out there, try your best NOT to gamble ya haha... Cheers~

Restricted, not blocked, by GL on FB

 GL birthday just passed. A long time ago, this was one of the most important date for me. I wished her on her FB a few years, until I finally woke and stopped. Cause it was useless and she never wish me on my birthday. This year I don't know why I check her FB to see how she's doing lately. To my surprised, I can only view all the wishes I wrote on her wall, and nothing else. I checked and I was right, I was restricted (not blocked) by her. Adui, might as well block me lah like that *facepalm*

What made her do this? I was not stalking her, she's in Australia for God's sake. Ah... it might be because that one time I told OUR good friend that I had a dream about GL, and she told her, thus freaking her out that I might go after her one day haha. Seriously, she's really not... attractive. And I already have another crush of 20 years, she is already way past history. Damn it, I have myself to blame. People nowadays are really made of glass, tell them some dream and it blew into stalking or whatever shit. FML... 

Anyway, nice meeting you two in the past (GL and SN). I hope we will NEVER meet again. I'm sick of this, really... True friends are soooooo hard to find nowadays, sigh. Everyone is selfish, I get it. But being friends for so many years, they couldn't differentiate which is facts and which is illusions? Yup, those 5 years are my illusions... illusions of having good friends that will last. Goodbye my friends, it was fun while it lasted. Cheers~

First time in my life, a week of me time

 Last month was a long holiday for me, where I took 3 days off and it leads to a week off (including holidays). My parents should follow me to GH but mom still recovering from leg infection (admitted in the hospital) so no choice, I have to drove alone all the way there (first time). Mainly because we booked many rooms already and also promised our aunt & uncle from England a short vacation there. So, solo vacation let's goooo~!

Genting was relaxing, not really fun. First I accompany my aunt and uncle, with my bro and his wife, for 2 days. On the third day they went back down to KL, leaving me alone... staying at the luxurious Highland Hotel. Oh Yesssssss! I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, for 3 days (until Daniel comes). It's the best feeling ever (freeeeedom). Shop alone (bought me a Nike Air shoe), ate alone (ate Harry Ramsden fish and chip, delicious but expensive), gamble a bit (win then lose back) and etc. It was really nice to be away from the freaking hectic work life... and free from responsibilities for a little while. Luckily my aunt went to Pg to help take care of my parents, so I can enjoy in peace.

Thursday Daniel came up alone, live in my room (lucky it's not 1 bedded). Talk about some of the old memories of life and new. It was nice too haha. His wife was begging for his return to help take care of the kids, so we went back early on Friday afternoon. I drove him to the LRT then went to find Sum, which Daniel told me shifted to KL East Mall's Harvey Norman. His house and working place is even nearer than my PG house and office! Then later went to ate at BRJ with my cousin and bro. Stayed the night at my bro's house. They were really late back home (around 4/5am) so I watched an anime called Frieren. A very nice anime indeed (watched until finish).

Saturday night was the highlight of my trip, to meet my old friends from TARC. I think didn't meet them 3 years liao. As expected, YL didn't join, again. Which really didn't matter as we all chat and have dinner happily for 3-4 hours at Plaza Arkadia. Those joined were Daniel, WingC, Jimmy, SG and CM. On Sunday, after breakfast with my bro and his wife, I drove back alone to Pg.

Summary: I must try to make a solo trip at least once a year. It's good for the body and soul, really, haha. The perks of being solo I guess. Yeah I will feel lonely without a lifetime partner, I will live alone when old with nobody to call my own, I will have to take care of myself when sick, etc... But that's life. Not everyone can be happily married. If can I will choose to attach myself to a girl I love without needing to marry. Why? Because I have seen a lot of marriages that... doesn't go so well. Love without marriage, sounds irresponsible right? No wonder I'm single haha... Just dreaming, don't mind me. Cheers~!

Yup, I'm definitely sick again...

 Yesterday admitted my mom into the hospital again. Last time was due to leg infection, this time also the same but on another leg. Need to drip antibiotics to recover fully. So after the doctor gave the green light to be admitted, we went downstairs to register for the admission. To my surprised, I saw YL as a receptionist next to ours! I calm myself down a little, there is absolutely no way she is working here. I look closer and it was a woman who looks 80% like her, with her face mask on. Her eyes and hair was so much like hers, I just can't get my eyes off her. Why!? Why do I keep looking at her eyes!? Then I realized... I really miss YL's eyes. Shit... FML

Did you know that I once...?

 Did you know that I once had a dream, a long time ago, when I was in secondary school? It was no ordinary dream as I still remember a bit details until now. I was in love with a tomboy name GL. I was so in 'love' with her that I had a dream with her. It was in the future. I was shopping with her, happily as husband and wife while she was pregnant, in a futuristic unmanned supermarket. I remembered we just go in and out without needing to take out cash or cc. 30 years ago dream, that was pretty high tech haha... A long time ago dream, that will never come true.

The purpose of life, my life

 Sometimes I ask myself, what is the purpose of life? Of my life? Why is it I'm always thinking of YL, when I can think of somebody else? Why do I keep saving up money, when I can suddenly die and all my money can't be used? Why do I work when I should be enjoying life out there now? What if, what if, what if...?

Then I realized, we are but just a spec of dust in this universe. What we do is purely for our own benefit, our own happiness/sadness. Yes we care for other people, but we care for ourselves first. Like what the airlines people said, you can't save others without saving yourself first. So always think of yourself FIRST.

I think of YL because I feel empty inside, without somebody to think of. I imagine if I don't think of YL, what will happen to me? I may feel depressed... sad... aimless... purposeless... lonely... and this might make me breakdown. That's how depression can do to you. I stepped into darkness, and I pull myself out before it's too late. Depression is no joke, believe me. (Actually I don't think much of her lately, but I just put her inside, one part of me... just in case)

So from now onwards, I will think of anyone, as much as I want, when I want. I will not let loneliness or depression get to me. I play what I want, eat what I want, do whatever I want. I don't know when I will die, but I will live as happy as I can before I do, everyday. My purpose in life? Is to enjoy life as much as possible, with or without love. I don't need to be great, I just need to be me. And I hope you will too. Cheers~!

Happy Dragon New Year~!

 So first post of the year, hope everyone will have a Happy New Year soon. Let's recall what has happened over the past few months:

1. Company dinner at 13 Jan

This time not buffet but Chinese wedding style where each table will be presented their own set of food (halal/non-halal/vip). Still same at Iconic Hotel (food was ok). This year got special 'long service award' which I definitely will get since I work before day 1. It's a certificate and RM300 cheque, yay. Got some performances by own colleague (a way to save money and entertain all). First time get lucky draw too (RM100 ang pow). Best lucky draw prizes: hp that company get for free from signing packages with phone companies (OMG...). Overall, fun and not bad (because I got RM400) haha...

2. Sprained knee while playing badminton

Walao first time kena torn ligament. So serious until I cannot walk as 1 leg was crippled. MC for 2 days, recovered on 4th day. Was using a walking stick to see doctor, it was Hell. Now still a little pain. Doctor said no sports until after CNY. I doubt can fully recovered by then, sigh... Bad year for dog, no doubt.

3. Was hit with Covid last year December

Yup, second time covid. Fun as free off days at home. First day was Hell, high fever, couldn't eat. Then later recovered and stay in bed and gaming whole day. But got some after effects like lost taste bud and leg weakness (maybe the reason I sprained my knee). Whole family kena (including my parents). First time MC of the year, there goes my perfect record haha.

4. Still single and available

Yup, the usual. Starting to shake of YL, but for how long, who knows? Focus more on old games that have stories for entertainment (not H game). Lonely but manageable...

Busy with work (sometimes) as company already listed. More work, bonus only 1 month (less than last year's 1.5 month, shit) and everyone is working like zombies because no add man power but increased workload. IPO only made it worse, shit! The economy is getting worse, everything price increased. Sigh... let's just hope this will be a better year for all. Cheers~!

 

Damn tired of working in this company

 So we got confirmation that our TH side is getting listed (yay). It was actually all good. Until yesterday. Yesterday I got news from my friend that they already booked tickets and accommodation for ALL the HOD (EXCEPT ME) to fly to Bangkok for the ceremony on 1st Nov. I was pissed as I am in charge of CC, so considered a HOD... but my job position is STILL security exec. Then I am often handled work and responsibilities of a HOD, without officially becoming one! Now they want to save money and didn't invite me go. Bloody Hell... I vent my frustration at my dad, how can they ask all HOD go except ME?! Then he said because some is investors (I'm not) and some is 'senior' managers. I then said 'I'm not senior? I work since day ONE in this company!'. Then he got nothing to say but ask me to calm down and be patient... &^%%#@

If it wasn't because of my dad. I would have straight resigned. Stupid company controlled by stupid people (not include my dad). I then tell my dad to either promote me into a HOD or ask the company to hire one, as I'm sick and tired of being a 'nameless' HOD anymore. When want somebody responsible to do KPI or HOD stuffs, come find me. But when got HOD benefits, kick me to the side. What a damn irresponsible company. That's why my love for the company is practically zero.

Finally free... updates

 Ah, finished a big project which was on my shoulder for months. It was tough as I was the ONLY one who went for the course and know (a bit) how to do it, while the other guy in Thailand, who also attended the course, was totally clueless. Clueless at least learn lah, all bergantung on me. Then only know chase me because the heads are chasing him. Really bloody hell... Now to await the people respond and follow up. Work, work (in a grunt voice)...

Love is in the air again, or at least for me. It will happen once I have no games too keen to play, as my mind will wonder off to that 'area', again. Yes, YL, as usual. Nothing new, move on...

Last month was a bad month, where my uncle passed away (age 60+) due to lung cancer. He was a good and kind man, I really do not have the guts to visit him when he was in the hospital, as I waited in the car (and there was no parking at the public hospital). Looking at him in the parlor really breaks my heart. My late grandma's sister also passed away, she was the last kin to my grandma. RIP...

These few weeks was getting high on sports. Thursday badminton 2 hour, Friday futsal 1 hour. Feels like more healthy and don't eat that much anymore. Maybe skinnier a bit too haha. No gym as my gym partner was down with a recurring illness, which take weeks to recover. There was also confirmation just this week that our main company in Thailand have been listed, and we can buy some shares before officially listed on Nov. Looks like I need to take out all my savings to buy shares...

Upgraded our lifestyle a bit. I bought a tablet for my parents each (mi tab 4&5). Dad bought a new sofa set for the Pg house. Later they want to change their queen sized bed to a king sized. The office chair that I brought back from office (a bit broken) broke down, so I bought a RM100 chair as substitute. Not that fancy but better than a rotan chair. Also just bought a 30 inch Prism+ x300 200Hz 21:9 curved gaming monitor, a big upgrade from my 7-8 years current Philip 234E5 monitor. Will reach today, can't wait~!

Life has been fair for me. Yes, no love partner, but I have family and a healthy body. I'm content and grateful, and that makes life a little bit more easier and beautiful everyday. Cheers~!

Another dream of GL

 This morning had another dream where GL agreed when I asked her to be my gf. Then I was texting her in the middle of the night when she was at Australia. It was 3am something. Suddenly *poof* dad awakened me, saying 'Wake up, it's 6am already'... Damn, why did I had another dream of her suddenly!? This time I am sane... I tell myself it was all a dream as GL will NEVER be my gf in this life. Ironically, I heard the song 'All I Have To Do Is Dream - Everly Brothers' while in the car for breakfast with my parents. Damn it, sometimes I really feel like someone is playing with me... or was it my own doing? Shit...

A trip to remember - company team building at Krabi, Thailand

 Last week Thursday was my first trip overseas, as an adult of course. Went to Krabi for free as it's a company trip, which consist of MY and TH side together. Altogether was around 30-40 people. Our BKH side also joined. It was an unforgettable trip (but if you asked me to pay for it, nah...)

Day 1. Early morning wake up and dad sent me to the airport with mom and aunt (after that they went for breakfast). Dropped me at the airport and I already saw some colleagues standing there so I immediately joined them. Flight wasn't delayed so went smoothly to KLIA where we will transit to Krabi. Buuut flight got delayed by 3 hours, so we just lepak and walk around KLIA and ate a pack of nasi lemak that Airasia gave us for free for the flight delay (good).

Reached Krabi airport, realized my check-in baggage was destroyed like 30%! Shocked but colleagues say maybe because of the AirAsia workers throwing bags into the airplane recklessly. Sigh, consider it as a cost for my trip lor (cannot claim as didn't buy insurance- Airasia bad). The leg space in the plane was bad too, now I know why Airasia cheap.

Took a van to the hotel, which is quite far away. Ao Nang beach resort. Tired so check-in, rest a while and then dinner time already. Our company booked the dinner place (buffet) and a small stage for singing and announcing stuffs. I'm surprised that I myself went on the stage too, as the CEO picked my favorite song 'It's my life - Bon Jovi' and 2 more colleagues also sang, so I joined them haha. Our 'work' was paid 200 Baht each, nice! All that went to sing on stage was either given 100/200 Baht each, company belanja haha. After around 3 hours of eating and singing and taking pics, we went for a walk to a neaby 7-Eleven for necessity. Then I go back into my room while my roommate WB joined the others for drinking session.

Day 2. Wake up early for breakfast, second at the hotel buffet. Others was either late or tired from the drinking. After breakfast was team building in a room. It was an internal team building where mostly involves asking questions and doing group discussions. Everyone was encouraged to participate at least once (and get a small gift). I got a nice shopping bag. Then dinner and get ready for trip to the islands.

Half day trip to the islands, I wasn't dressed for activates so just took pictures and soak my leg in the sea. Took a seasick pill to prevent nausea. Dinner was on the beach, not bad (but the food was cold). 'BBQ on the beach' was only the corn and potatoes haha. After that they took us near our resort, where we have to jump ship and walk to shore (it was knee high depth). It was dark and we look like illegal immigrants walking from the sea haha. A special moment indeed. Then went for a nearby night market for some food. After that they went drinking and I went back to the room alone.

Day 3. Wake up for breakfast then get ready for a whole day trip to the islands. This time I'm dressed in those long sleeve shirt and pants, for water activities. Kinda embarrassed but the CEO also dressed like this yesterday, so why not? Haha. Went to a few islands but didn't jump in. Finally gave in when they stopped at a place where the water was clear and fishes was just swimming beneath you (I could nearly catch them with my hand when snorkeling). Shouldn't have eaten so much beforehand. When I dive in was ok, but later became seasick and vomit a bit. So I quickly go up the boat. Then vomit again on the boat, shit. Some spilled on the floor, damn. Luckily all was friendly and helped me. After that place, we went to another island where I sit on the rocks to recover and ate another seasick pill. Half an hour later I was fully recovered, so I missed 1 island trip. CEO was nice and bought some food and drinks for me. One of the most embarrassing moments of my life, damn I can't snorkel due to the waves.

After that I ate on another island (which they already ate) as they bungkus for me. The island is just for hanging out and taking pics/ play water. After that go back hotel. Bath then go out for dinner outside at a restaurant. Food was not bad, a lot of seafood. After dinner, took a van (each paid 100Baht) to another night market. This time bigger with more things to buy. Bought some souvenirs there. Then went back. Again they went for drinks. I walked with JJ and Eugene for a while (chatting), then go back to my room when they leave for drinks.

Day 4. Last day. Ate breakfast then went inside room to pack up. Around 1.30pm a bus came to pick us to the airport. Stopped by at one of those food/souvenir complex before continue to the airport (bus stops). Bought some food, total used in Krabi = near 1k Baht. Reached KLIA then forgot to take passport, ran all the way back into the plane to my seat, luckily still there. Ate oldtown white coffee as lunch/dinner but man that place sucks. Food was ok but orders was messed up. Some get their food late, some missed their drinks, etc. No wonder so little people ate there. Didn't saw the wine section as mom wanted a ginger wine so no buy. Reached Penang airport 10pm and followed dad, mom and aunt back.

Overall was a good experience. Knew my colleagues a little better (JJ and all) and Sun was still avoiding me like the plague, which I don't care anymore. What I hate most is the part where you need to unbuckle your belts for the scanner at the airport, damn annoying. Thailand food was mostly spicy, not that good. The sweet stuffs at the night market is too sweet. Food wasn't that cheap, maybe because tourist area or low value of RM. If I should want to take a vacation sometime in the future, maybe once a year or two would be enough. Not much of a fan for travelling, really...