So last week I went back to KL for nearly a week due to the Raya holidays. It was a much awaited holiday for me from the stress of my new work (that I am experiencing nearly everyday at work). It was also my chance to open my Eternal Masters box, which I am sharing with my bro (which he still haven't pay me back). And most importantly it is to attend my friend's wedding, Shalini's wedding. I was surprised she invited me to her wedding a few months back. Luckily it's in a holiday week so I can attend. Travelling all the way from Penang for a holiday is not exactly cheap.
For the Eternal Master box, the outcome was so-so. Not really profitable but it do cover back the cost. Since I wanted the cards, why not gamble a box for it right? Sucky that there is no rare or mythic foils. Bummer...
The wedding dinner was held at a hotel. It was nicely done, with a lot of people. I see a lot of non-Malaysian too. I wasn't sitting with Edward as I was slotted in last minute (due to some misunderstanding). But surprisingly, I was seated with some Australians, Shalini's bridesmaid and a long lost friend... ex crush of mine, Grace Lee. She was my first love in secondary school (for 4 years) before she left for Australia (I didn't confessed to her cause I know it wouldn't work out). Alright, I was a super shy guy that time too...
Aaaaaanyway, somehow my heart is starting to react. Must be due to my hormone imbalance. She wasn't THAT pretty or cute, still a tomboy. Yes her dress was nice. But in the deep dark corners of my mind I was thinking 'She turned out not bad... I wonder if I should...'! I should have knocked my head on the wall then, HARD.
Being hit by a lvl 1 cupid arrow, I tried my best to act cool and chat with her as steady as I can. Luckily I'm not that old shy guy anymore or else there will be total silence between the 2 of us for the whole night. Oh yeah, did I tell you about the story where we chatted once, a long long time ago, on MSN messenger? She hit me with the question, online, 'Did you like me before in school?'. I was dumbstrucked, but being the honest guy I am I replied 'Yes'. I forgotten how it went after that because it was totally awkward for me (lucky it was online else I would have been hit by a heart attack and died). I guess she didn't mind or have forgotten about it, as we chatted like normal friends while having dinner. A small part of me was sad that night...
The food was ok, but my favorite was the brownies. Man I should have taken more that night, it was AWESOME. We took a picture together with Shalini. It was a night to remember. I am still thinking of her for the next few days. Me being me, sigh...
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Tuesday, May 03, 2016
A big change in life
So I stopped work last year, some where in the middle of November. It was not shocking, but we are only surprised as we did not get a one month notice but just a few days notice (not even a week). Yup, that company is really unorganized and in the shambles. I just felt a bit sad to part with my 2 colleagues that was nice and despite the quite huge age gap, we can hang out together (sometimes we watch movies together, the latest being Captain America CW). The other prick I definitely can't wait to kick out of my life forever. The boss... a mixed of hate/ok feeling. I missed the most is can't surf the internet there + the pay. No money sure sucks...
Sum just got married around 2 months ago, making me the last of the 4 which is still single. Saw YL there, which I have not seen for more than 3 years. Happy to see she didn't turn into a fat married woman after giving birth. More happy that I could take a picture with her in it. Most happy is she listened to my advise and didn't wear that man hat but a bunny ear when taking the picture, lol. I was glad Sum followed with my request to change my sitting to my TARC gang than the MAGIC gang. Three years, it felt like 10... Sigh. Anyway the banquet was nice and food was good. Congrats again Sum! If it wasn't because of the wedding banquet, who knows how long more before I can see her?
After coming back to PG, it was life like normal again. Can't get a job even after a few interviews. But I am still keeping a positive attitude. The economy sucks and it's not only me jobless nowadays. Then after that planned to go Genting with mom as there was free rooms + free food and 'oil money'. Thought want to vacation a bit there. Heavens know on the day we should be departing to Genting, my dad suddenly felt very ill. Told him to go to the doctor many times but he wouldn't listen, so this time he is too sick to work. We fetched him to the doctor and the more experienced doctor said my dad maybe suffering from internal bleeding and asked us to go to a hospital for a thorough exam immediately. After asking different opinions from my dad's many colleagues, we finally end up in Adventist Hospital.
It was as serious as he was immediately sent to the ER for check-up by various specialists. In the end we found out that his liver is badly damaged and need to be sent to the ICU for treatment. His blood need to be cleaned and we are told that he need to do dialysis from now onward. Yup, most diabetic patients will end up with dialysis in the end because the liver will slowly deteriorate and stop functioning well. He was in the ICU for 4 days and transferred into a normal ward to recover then. After another 1 week plus, he checked out from the ward but need to do dialysis 3 times a week in the same hospital.
It is my job as the only son there to fetch him to do dialysis (which last 4 hours every session) 3 times a week, every week. It was hard on dad as early dialysis will made him vomit frequently, as the body starts to adept to the changes. It was also hard on me and mom as we need to take care of him on the clock, 24/7. Due to seeing dad suffering, it sometimes made my mom upset, which in the end is vent out on me, including from my dad. As the only son around, no choice but to take it all in.
Sometimes I think all of this is fated. If I were to stay in KL, then nobody will be here to take care of dad except mom. Nobody will be sending him to and back from the hospital. Nobody will send mom out to buy the necessities for dad. If I were to found a job, I couldn't do all of that too. Now the best option is to be able to work in the same company with dad, so that I can ask for special permission and send him to the hospital for dialysis every week. A normal company wouldn't allow me to do that. I have applied and hope to hear the good news soon. Sorry KL, looks like I won't be able to come back anytime soon, sob...
Dad finally started back his work today, after weeks of absence due to his illness. Mom followed him go to take care of him, leaving me alone in the house. Normally people doing dialysis couldn't work as it is very tiring after each session, so we have to see if dad is able to endure it or end up retiring early. It will not be cheap as the cost of dialysis each session cost below RM300. Lucky my dad's company insurance cover it but not for long. It is going to be a tough road from now on, but we will do whatever we can to survive. At least until the earth goes kaboom...
Sum just got married around 2 months ago, making me the last of the 4 which is still single. Saw YL there, which I have not seen for more than 3 years. Happy to see she didn't turn into a fat married woman after giving birth. More happy that I could take a picture with her in it. Most happy is she listened to my advise and didn't wear that man hat but a bunny ear when taking the picture, lol. I was glad Sum followed with my request to change my sitting to my TARC gang than the MAGIC gang. Three years, it felt like 10... Sigh. Anyway the banquet was nice and food was good. Congrats again Sum! If it wasn't because of the wedding banquet, who knows how long more before I can see her?
After coming back to PG, it was life like normal again. Can't get a job even after a few interviews. But I am still keeping a positive attitude. The economy sucks and it's not only me jobless nowadays. Then after that planned to go Genting with mom as there was free rooms + free food and 'oil money'. Thought want to vacation a bit there. Heavens know on the day we should be departing to Genting, my dad suddenly felt very ill. Told him to go to the doctor many times but he wouldn't listen, so this time he is too sick to work. We fetched him to the doctor and the more experienced doctor said my dad maybe suffering from internal bleeding and asked us to go to a hospital for a thorough exam immediately. After asking different opinions from my dad's many colleagues, we finally end up in Adventist Hospital.
It was as serious as he was immediately sent to the ER for check-up by various specialists. In the end we found out that his liver is badly damaged and need to be sent to the ICU for treatment. His blood need to be cleaned and we are told that he need to do dialysis from now onward. Yup, most diabetic patients will end up with dialysis in the end because the liver will slowly deteriorate and stop functioning well. He was in the ICU for 4 days and transferred into a normal ward to recover then. After another 1 week plus, he checked out from the ward but need to do dialysis 3 times a week in the same hospital.
It is my job as the only son there to fetch him to do dialysis (which last 4 hours every session) 3 times a week, every week. It was hard on dad as early dialysis will made him vomit frequently, as the body starts to adept to the changes. It was also hard on me and mom as we need to take care of him on the clock, 24/7. Due to seeing dad suffering, it sometimes made my mom upset, which in the end is vent out on me, including from my dad. As the only son around, no choice but to take it all in.
Sometimes I think all of this is fated. If I were to stay in KL, then nobody will be here to take care of dad except mom. Nobody will be sending him to and back from the hospital. Nobody will send mom out to buy the necessities for dad. If I were to found a job, I couldn't do all of that too. Now the best option is to be able to work in the same company with dad, so that I can ask for special permission and send him to the hospital for dialysis every week. A normal company wouldn't allow me to do that. I have applied and hope to hear the good news soon. Sorry KL, looks like I won't be able to come back anytime soon, sob...
Dad finally started back his work today, after weeks of absence due to his illness. Mom followed him go to take care of him, leaving me alone in the house. Normally people doing dialysis couldn't work as it is very tiring after each session, so we have to see if dad is able to endure it or end up retiring early. It will not be cheap as the cost of dialysis each session cost below RM300. Lucky my dad's company insurance cover it but not for long. It is going to be a tough road from now on, but we will do whatever we can to survive. At least until the earth goes kaboom...
Thursday, October 22, 2015
A lot of bad things lately
Sigh... although I try to maintain a positive and cheerful energy, sometimes it still gets too 'dark' and mood swings come by. The longer I work in this dying company, the more I see how the working world works... and soon 'human' itself.
First I will talk about my company. It's one of the worst company I have seen, although I admit I haven't seen much before. I am not kidding when I say 'WORST'. It's a new company, and it is build entirely from noobs. There is no basic foundation, yet they created the company and 'slowly go from there'. It is completely not organized, with a lot of missing procedures which they will 'amend slowly'. Everything is built from scratch and they thought 'positivity will get us there'. After 1 year and 2 months, the company is still losing and not profiting. So what do the top dogs and CEO/ bosses do? They STOP helping the company... yet EXPECT it to grow by itself and earn them money before they invest more. How the tuut you expect to grow when it is still not matured in the beginning?!? Do you expect a baby to start earning you money after 1 year birth or else you kick it into the dustbin?!?
Stupid money hungry bosses... if they don't have the brains to properly make a new company, then don't waste time and money of EVERYONE involved! This company will surely die because it survives on the help of another company, but the company stop helping until this company start earning. Any idiot can see that if you do that, you basically STOP the whole earning process, how the tuut the company can earn like that!?? Pathetic... I hope this stupid company will die faster to lessen the misery of everyone.
Some other bad things that happened is Daniel's dad got cancer, which is really a shock to me as his dad is one of the fittest dad I have ever meet. I wish him a speedy recovery soon. Then there's the matter of David suddenly stopping Magic completely, even burning the leftover cards to stop himself from ever touching Magic anymore. I blame the wife, because every man deserves a 'he time'. Taking away Magic from him is like taking a part of his life away. No matter what good she wants, forcing something is always a bad thing. Take care my friend, always find me if you have troubles to share. I am really upset how your wife treats you but that is your business, and I can only worry from the side... Sigh!
That's news from 2 of my best friends. Other news is YL, which is no news at all. She is like a cooped up bird, totally stuck with her new baby and husband, ignoring the world outside. Sure she got say 'I miss hanging out' but what did she do in response? Nothing... just talk. Pfft... And I, like usual, still miss her like HELL. Even bought my new car with her words 'PLY'... although it also stands for play, which I am still doing all this while haha. Being single sucks if I think of her... but if I don't think of her... 'Hell Yeaaaaahhhh!' I am free to do whatever I like! Being single is not bad at all. Thinking about commitment, raising a family, funds for children, etc... sometimes scares the shit out of me. Maybe cause my wages is low now? Who cares! Hahaha... YOLO right?
In 2-3 months this shit company will die, then I will be back in KL. Will miss my parents a lot then, and can't do my responsibility as a child to take care of them will make me feel worse. So I shall enjoy every moment here, staying in this shitty company till it dies and taking care of my parents till I go back. Signing off now, take care everybody~!
First I will talk about my company. It's one of the worst company I have seen, although I admit I haven't seen much before. I am not kidding when I say 'WORST'. It's a new company, and it is build entirely from noobs. There is no basic foundation, yet they created the company and 'slowly go from there'. It is completely not organized, with a lot of missing procedures which they will 'amend slowly'. Everything is built from scratch and they thought 'positivity will get us there'. After 1 year and 2 months, the company is still losing and not profiting. So what do the top dogs and CEO/ bosses do? They STOP helping the company... yet EXPECT it to grow by itself and earn them money before they invest more. How the tuut you expect to grow when it is still not matured in the beginning?!? Do you expect a baby to start earning you money after 1 year birth or else you kick it into the dustbin?!?
Stupid money hungry bosses... if they don't have the brains to properly make a new company, then don't waste time and money of EVERYONE involved! This company will surely die because it survives on the help of another company, but the company stop helping until this company start earning. Any idiot can see that if you do that, you basically STOP the whole earning process, how the tuut the company can earn like that!?? Pathetic... I hope this stupid company will die faster to lessen the misery of everyone.
Some other bad things that happened is Daniel's dad got cancer, which is really a shock to me as his dad is one of the fittest dad I have ever meet. I wish him a speedy recovery soon. Then there's the matter of David suddenly stopping Magic completely, even burning the leftover cards to stop himself from ever touching Magic anymore. I blame the wife, because every man deserves a 'he time'. Taking away Magic from him is like taking a part of his life away. No matter what good she wants, forcing something is always a bad thing. Take care my friend, always find me if you have troubles to share. I am really upset how your wife treats you but that is your business, and I can only worry from the side... Sigh!
That's news from 2 of my best friends. Other news is YL, which is no news at all. She is like a cooped up bird, totally stuck with her new baby and husband, ignoring the world outside. Sure she got say 'I miss hanging out' but what did she do in response? Nothing... just talk. Pfft... And I, like usual, still miss her like HELL. Even bought my new car with her words 'PLY'... although it also stands for play, which I am still doing all this while haha. Being single sucks if I think of her... but if I don't think of her... 'Hell Yeaaaaahhhh!' I am free to do whatever I like! Being single is not bad at all. Thinking about commitment, raising a family, funds for children, etc... sometimes scares the shit out of me. Maybe cause my wages is low now? Who cares! Hahaha... YOLO right?
In 2-3 months this shit company will die, then I will be back in KL. Will miss my parents a lot then, and can't do my responsibility as a child to take care of them will make me feel worse. So I shall enjoy every moment here, staying in this shitty company till it dies and taking care of my parents till I go back. Signing off now, take care everybody~!
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
First update of 2015
So long no touched my blog. Been busy with work and all. Started working in a new company since September last month, and still working here... with no confirmation letter in sight (although he told me confirmed already by words of mouth). Tried to join Robb's company but the company is crazy strict and requirements are damn high. I tried for the BM one, failed. Then I thought I could get the America gy one, also failed. With my standard of English also failed, I can see why there is still so many vacancy left in his office. Those that have 'superior' English skill won't even think of working as a customer service, lol... Oh well, at least I tried.
Life has been up and down for me, so far... as usual. Yup it still gets boring sometimes but I am glad I am able to accompany my parents here. A big sacrifice but I'm ok. Worked 6 months plus and already got a car and some cash in my bank account, more than my 2 bros I think, lol. Still missing YL whenever my mind is free, though starting to accept more than she's married and there's no point missing someone who doesn't miss nor give a damn about you (insert emo guy here). Stupid brain...
Slowly I feel into the trap of humanity. I thought I could live a life that is free from the norms of mankind, but no... I still fell into the trap nevertheless. I couldn't follow my dreams, I have responsibilities to bear, my legs are bounded and my hands attached... all I can do is dream. Dream is all I have left while continuing my life as a robot of society. I wonder if I there really is a red pill... and if faced with the situation, will I really swallow that red pill?
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Love and life
So I started my new life here in Pg. It was very sudden at first, with only 2 weeks for me to prepare my new work life in another country. But I know I cant delay this anymore, and with her gotten married with another man, I can rest assured she will be in good hands and not in my heart anymore... or so I thought.
Work life is not as scary or hard as I thought. Everyday seems like a new challenge, with new colleges and thinking of where to eat (I love to eat, haha). Changed work place from an office to a house office (waiting for new workplace to fully renovate). And the boss is friendly too (dont even need to call them mr or sir). With not too much headache and getting paid while doing work is not bad at all. I even booked a car, my OWN car. How cool is that? Last week bought a 3ds game worth 180. Expensive but I dont feel it that much... cause I have MONEY, baby! Uh oh, I think I'm starting to have a problem that most adults have... money power problem. Comes with the territory.
YL just gave birth to a baby boy last 2 weeks I think... or 1 week. That reminds me, during her bday (this year), I smsed her and wish her happy birthday through sms. No reply, as I expected. Not even a thanks. Then Daniel, who was with me then at McD, also smsed her. He got a reply! Wtf...!? Now I know how much my friendship is 'worth' with YL... near to zero!
Why am I still so mad at her for something so trivial? F**K it, I thought starting my work life will forget her, not power it up! Maybe it's true... when you want to forget something, the harder you try, the more you will remember. The only way to forget is accept it and make it a part of yourself. Then it will slowly merge with your feelings and you will not remember it that much anymore. Why cant I accept that she's married with another, like what happened to YLin? I can forget YLin, so why not her?!? Argh... looks like this poison is more serious than I thought.....
Work life is not as scary or hard as I thought. Everyday seems like a new challenge, with new colleges and thinking of where to eat (I love to eat, haha). Changed work place from an office to a house office (waiting for new workplace to fully renovate). And the boss is friendly too (dont even need to call them mr or sir). With not too much headache and getting paid while doing work is not bad at all. I even booked a car, my OWN car. How cool is that? Last week bought a 3ds game worth 180. Expensive but I dont feel it that much... cause I have MONEY, baby! Uh oh, I think I'm starting to have a problem that most adults have... money power problem. Comes with the territory.
YL just gave birth to a baby boy last 2 weeks I think... or 1 week. That reminds me, during her bday (this year), I smsed her and wish her happy birthday through sms. No reply, as I expected. Not even a thanks. Then Daniel, who was with me then at McD, also smsed her. He got a reply! Wtf...!? Now I know how much my friendship is 'worth' with YL... near to zero!
Why am I still so mad at her for something so trivial? F**K it, I thought starting my work life will forget her, not power it up! Maybe it's true... when you want to forget something, the harder you try, the more you will remember. The only way to forget is accept it and make it a part of yourself. Then it will slowly merge with your feelings and you will not remember it that much anymore. Why cant I accept that she's married with another, like what happened to YLin? I can forget YLin, so why not her?!? Argh... looks like this poison is more serious than I thought.....
Monday, February 24, 2014
Words of wisdom?
Saw a words of wisdom on FB today. It wrote:
If you can't get someone out of your head, maybe that person is meant to stay there.
Hmm... is that why YL still lingers in my mind no matter how hard I try to shake it out of my thick skull? Sigh... Get a hold of yourself, damnit! The feeling of wanting somebody is just to... irresistible. Bloody painful, bloody true!
If you can't get someone out of your head, maybe that person is meant to stay there.
Hmm... is that why YL still lingers in my mind no matter how hard I try to shake it out of my thick skull? Sigh... Get a hold of yourself, damnit! The feeling of wanting somebody is just to... irresistible. Bloody painful, bloody true!
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Lonely girl?
Went to the morning market with my mom just now. While following her, suddenly I saw a girl. She is not too young nor too old, maybe around her 20's or 30's. What makes her different is that she is... tall. Very tall, even taller than David. She somehow looks... sweet, yet... missing something. Then it hits me... is she lonely? Tall girls usually are avoided by guys, sadly. Is she one of them?
Then it hits me back... why am I thinking for her, a complete stranger? Do I see myself in her? Lonely... sometimes it hits the heart. Sad but truthfully painful... sometimes.....
Then it hits me back... why am I thinking for her, a complete stranger? Do I see myself in her? Lonely... sometimes it hits the heart. Sad but truthfully painful... sometimes.....
Monday, February 10, 2014
CNY 2014
Yesterday was a happy and enjoyable day. Went out with Jimmy, Wingc, SG, WF, Oon, CM, Ylin and of course... YLing. Went for lunch and gambled at WF's place. The most happiest thing is getting 2 ang pows from YLing... but it's also a bit sad cause it means she's married. She wasn't 'cheap' too (like some ppl who gives very little ang pow money or will even run away from giving one) as her angpow is rm5 each. I'm happy that she has a good life... maybe. A cheapskate husband wont give that much... or is it her own decision? Ah, there I go, thinking too much again... haha.
Looks like my feelings for her is still there. Because I see myself looking at her when I got the chance... glimpsing at her how she got a little bit more 'meaty' (pls dont go fat!)... how nice she looks in her green skirt... how happy I feel, deep inside whenever I see her... how I missed her face and smile... how fun it is to tease her or call her name... how tingly I feel when she call mine. Yes... all these little things still makes me so happy even though she's married to the guy she love. Oh well, I guess a 10 years love is hard to shake off in just a year. I am still happy she's happy... just that I missed her... everything about her.
Yes, I need to get my acts together to totally forget about her. To the movies, today!
Looks like my feelings for her is still there. Because I see myself looking at her when I got the chance... glimpsing at her how she got a little bit more 'meaty' (pls dont go fat!)... how nice she looks in her green skirt... how happy I feel, deep inside whenever I see her... how I missed her face and smile... how fun it is to tease her or call her name... how tingly I feel when she call mine. Yes... all these little things still makes me so happy even though she's married to the guy she love. Oh well, I guess a 10 years love is hard to shake off in just a year. I am still happy she's happy... just that I missed her... everything about her.
Yes, I need to get my acts together to totally forget about her. To the movies, today!
Sunday, January 05, 2014
A new beginning?
YL posted a few pics on fb just now... it's rare for her to be online on fb, let alone post pics. Whenever she post pics of herself last time, the first thing I do is to scroll and take a look at all the pics... admiring which pic makes her the most attractive of all. Then I will save some (or all) of the pics, in case I want to see them again and she deleted it, which she don't.
But weird thing is... this time, I didnt scroll at all her pics. I just have an overall view of all her new pics and just see where she's been and how she looked. She looks a bit different... a bit skinnier and somehow... not that cute compared to last time. The most weird thing of all is... I don't want to save even one of her new pics. Wh... what happened to me?!? The reason I didnt save her pic was because... I hate her? No, I dont. I think the best explanation is because... I'm starting to let her go, for real this time. It's a good sign for the new year. The feeling that has been kept inside for so long... can finally be released.
But weird thing is... this time, I didnt scroll at all her pics. I just have an overall view of all her new pics and just see where she's been and how she looked. She looks a bit different... a bit skinnier and somehow... not that cute compared to last time. The most weird thing of all is... I don't want to save even one of her new pics. Wh... what happened to me?!? The reason I didnt save her pic was because... I hate her? No, I dont. I think the best explanation is because... I'm starting to let her go, for real this time. It's a good sign for the new year. The feeling that has been kept inside for so long... can finally be released.
Before long, I will totally forget her from my heart. Sadness will slowly be replaced with something better. Let's hope it's soon...
Tuesday, October 08, 2013
Wish her happiness with her new life
Ah... while I was busy with magic competitions last week, without realizing... she actually got married on the weekends. I get to know this on Sat, but there's nothing can be done as her wedding banquet is a closed one. So the girl that I loved for more than... 13 years, is finally getting married. I wish her happiness and wealth, the things that I couldn't give her... I truly do.
No tears are wept this time, maybe as I have already get ready for this moment years ago. The pain in the heart is still there, but I know it will slowly disappear like how it did with ylin. I just need to concentrate on my life and let her live her new one, happily. I will miss seeing her smile and wish it will be mine, I will miss missing her, I will miss her for being 'her'... yes, these nice and sometimes uncomfortable feelings will slowly dissipate with time. I don't know when but I hope it will be soon.
Goodbye YLing... this maybe the last post that I will ever write about you. Without her, a big part of this blog will be gone, undoubtedly. But the final candle has finished it's job and time to turn on the lights instead. I love you and wish you a happy life with the one you love, YLing... Watashi wa sayōnara, anata o aishite
No tears are wept this time, maybe as I have already get ready for this moment years ago. The pain in the heart is still there, but I know it will slowly disappear like how it did with ylin. I just need to concentrate on my life and let her live her new one, happily. I will miss seeing her smile and wish it will be mine, I will miss missing her, I will miss her for being 'her'... yes, these nice and sometimes uncomfortable feelings will slowly dissipate with time. I don't know when but I hope it will be soon.
Goodbye YLing... this maybe the last post that I will ever write about you. Without her, a big part of this blog will be gone, undoubtedly. But the final candle has finished it's job and time to turn on the lights instead. I love you and wish you a happy life with the one you love, YLing... Watashi wa sayōnara, anata o aishite
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Words of wisdom
"It is not a question of do I love you or not, but what is important is that he will be able to give you happiness and financial stability for your rest of your life. I know I couldn't."
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