Blogging is not yet... dead??

Wow... 6 months no post. I'm amazed blogging still exists, lol. Practically what I always do last 2 years (blogging) now turns to Facebook-ing. The only reason why I post this time is just to paste an interesting article which I saw from the internet, to remind me myself, not to be as honest as I was, last time. Cause let's be true to ourselves, honest ppl doesn't survive anymore in this society. It a sad and sickening truth, and I learned it the hard way. Still I'm trying to be as honest as possible, most of the time. When I don't, you know it's because I'm FORCED to. Let's read on:

WHAT WILL HONESTY GET YOU?

#1: PEOPLE WILL STOP SPEAKING TO YOU

Forget personal branding. Start to dip your toes into personal  honesty. Let me tell you what will happen. Your family might stop speaking to you.
I have experienced this not just from myself but all of the bloggers I  consider “honest bloggers”. Some of your friends will also stop speaking to you. Some of your colleagues will avoid you. Some investors will shun you. Your personal “network” will transform and shift.

My own personal motto is: honesty to a point. I will never harm anyone. I believe in what Buddha said to his son Rahula the day after he showed upafter abandoning his son for 7 years: before, during, and even AFTER you say something, make sure it doesn’t hurt anyone.

But even despite that rule, people will stop speaking to you because not every hurt you can control. Historical is hysterical for many people.

#2 PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU ARE GOING TO KILL YOURSELF

The next thing that will happen is people will ask “are you killing yourself?” Because every blog post almost seems like a suicide note. 

#3 PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU ARE CRAZY

Then people will send emails to your friends, “is he as crazy as he  sounds?” And that’s how I make friends now because introductions will be  made and people will have to find out for themselves.

#4 PEOPLE WILL GET FRIGHTENED

So they will call you names. Oh, that guy is just trying to be a  “contrarian”, for instance. Or an “idiot”. Or worse. I’ve been called  everything. I had to call the Brown University Public Safety office the  other day because I got emailed a death threat and the guy didn’t think I  could track him. The guy was a senior and had also apparently  threatened the life of a librarian there.

They need to understand why you are telling the truth. Why you are  being honest about what you really think. In meetings at the office  everyone is quiet. You’re not supposed to speak up. So people will  dislike you, try to put you down, post comments, whatever. In many cases (but not all) these are what I call “crappy people”. And here’s how to deal with them. 

#5 PEOPLE WILL FIND YOU ENTERTAINING

Then finally, people will come back to you. Because you’re  entertaining – if 20000 people are lying and only 1 person is telling  the truth then that 1 person is going to stand taller than anyone. At  first people will come back to you for voyeuristic reasons. Why? Because they know if they watch Real Housewives they aren’t watching anything “Real” and they aren’t watching “Housewives”. But you’re real. So they want to know what you’ll do next.

#6 PEOPLE WILL TRUST YOUR ADVICE

People will also come back for advice. Not always because they agree  with you. But because they know the advice is coming from the heart and  not because there is anything for sale. It’s like Google can’t cure  anything. But they can direct you to all the people who can. So you go  back to Google because you might not always find what you want but at  least you know they are trying hard to direct you to the right place.

We’ve all hidden our failures in dark comets orbiting the peripheral  edges  of the solar system, where the sun is dark and faded. But when  someone brings their orbit close  to the sun we want to land there for a  brief moment and see if actual living conditions exist. And if so, then  maybe a small settlement can be formed, advice can be asked, a failure  can be related to, a friendship can be formed.

#7 YOU BECOME FREE

At first we hug our boundaries in chains. We think “if we tell the girl we like her, she might not like me back”. We think, “If I say I like this candidate, my friends might hate me.” If I say X, everyone else might say Y. And so on. But more and more we start to feel where those boundaries are and we push them out. We push them further and further away from ourselves. Until finally they are so far away it’s as  if they don’t exist at all. You don’t need money for that. Or a big house. Or a fancy degree or car. Every day, just push out those boundaries a little further.

We reach for that freedom. We never truly get there. We’re always striving to see how far they can go, just like a little child with her parents. But eventually, the boundaries are so far away we begin to feel the pleasures of true freedom.

And it feels good.


The article above I get it from http://jamesaltucher.quora.com, which I get from... u know it, FB. I wonder what will happen in the next 2 years? Will FB still be the 'in' thing? Only time can tell...

Dead blog!?

Omg... so long didn't update blog liao, last one was in February!? Wow... how time flies! Many things have happened in the past few months... Good ones, sad ones, happy ones, bad ones... most of the time is bad, but I try to keep my hopes up and live life as much as possible before I die, as best as I can.

Forgotten what month already but I tried to go for an interview in TARC for the post of admin. I thought there was a light of hope when they called me for an interview there. I was damn nervous while waiting in the room for my turn (only 1 girl before me). But sadly the one interviewed me was an old hag... keep asking me this and that as what I did for all the times wasted earlier (yes I know I'm not young anymore, so what!?). In the end dunno gave me an excuse or really their policy, saying they can't hire somebody who is still studying in the college, as I am waiting to repeat my FYP. The feeling of rejection wasn't nice, as expected. It's like I felled off a 12 floor building... splat! But I again keep up a positive attitude, and just live on life and push my troubles behind me.

So spent most of the time doing my bro's lawyer transcription thingy, which earns me really little. But at least for the first time I dont need to take any pocket money from my parents. Lately it gets even less and I couldn't bear it anymore, need to take some pocket money back else I really cant survive, damn...!

Watched a lot of manga and some animes lately, cause got so much time in my hands. One thing I learned from those are that life is always full of downs, although more ups in virtue life. So what can we do to go on with this hardship called life? Just do your best, life happily and with no regrets. I don't care if I suddenly die tomorrow, because I know I have done what I want to do with my life, and the future are extras in my 'what I want to do with my life' book. The world is getting too crazy, hard and brutal. I wonder when will the world really destroy itself, if they keep messing up like this?

A lot of news of ppl getting rob in bright daylight. Worse is it happens in public or at the most safe/un-thought of places. Damn they're brave! Ppl can't help the victims as they scare they will fall victim to them too, as some ppl died helping others in the news. Wish I can be Superman and whack kao all these suckers into jail for hurting or even killing ppl, just to get quick cash! Damn it, this world sucks!!!

Another 1 thing I learned is 'if you dont have a big head, dont wear a big hat'. It means we should only do whatever we can, not overdoing it. Like ppl who doesn't earn much but go on buying expensive items. Are they called shopaholics or just damn spoiled!? They should just be left alone without any help, thus eventually will lose their spending urge, or go bankrupt for not paying their credit cards, haha. All ppl have their own weaknesses, I know... cause I too got many weaknesses. But if you dont solve it yourself, nobody can help you, even if they try. Cause the main power is in your own hands! Not only shopaholics, but also drug addicts, bullies, rapist, murderer, thieves, etc...

I'm getting more and more philosophical lately, haha. Been playing much magic, and lately got into an argument with andy cause I was trying to help make more house rules, suitable for new players. But I got blamed and he deleted me from the McD magic group, then sendiri left my fb group. Then got the nerve to tell Razif I deleted him, big fat stinking liar! F**k him, I don't want a stupid fake liar as my friend. Lucky I noticed it earlier than later. He was a gangster in the first place too (knows a lot of bad friends). Better stay away from this kind of ppl else will drag me down with him one day!

I am very frank, and very truthful. If it's not nice, I will say it's not nice. I may upset a few ppl, but if they can't accept my truthfulness and rather I lie to them, then good riddance to you. Cause I dont want any fake friends either! I want long lasting, good and real friends. Those that will be with me through ups and downs, as I will for them. I will not use them, neither will them to me. That is why I kicked some fake friends away from my life... because my life will be much better without a few rotten apples to ruin it for me. If they turned for the better, I will accept them back. But if they remain the same, asta la vista baby!

Whenever I got free time and feel lonely, I will think of her, yes... yling, again. But luckily I kept myself busy with magic, games, FB and houseworks. The feeling of missing her, the pain of not having her, still lingers around... Stop it mind! Stop it heart! Somebody ask them to get married, fast!!! ><''

Finally got the call from Jimmy... thank God they ok, cause keep calling them but no answer. The plan is delayed but still on, so now going to celebrate WingC bday! Adios~! XD

Valentines Day 2012

Ah, another Valentine day spent alone... not entirely alone cause I got my new XBOX 360 d, mwahahaha! Anyway, last week I went for wedding with my best friends from TARC. Two cars went there, which is driven by Sam and CM. Sam's car got me, Oon and SG while CM's car got Jimmy, WingC, YLing. First we meet up at the Jalan Ipoh famous dim sum area. Then we started our journey for Sophiya's wedding lunch. Went early to find the place by GPS. Found it liao then went for yamcha at a nearby mamak.

We did a mistake by eating too much for breakfast and thus did not eat a lot for the wedding lunch. The food was ok, and most of us only pau RM60 cause kampung area + we need travel so far + no wedding card + not that 'close'. Wow, need to take these into considerations when pau the next wedding lunch/dinner, haha.

Finish d then we went to pray a bit at a nearby small temple which is just nearby the restaurant. Then did some 'chau jim' and I asked for relationship question. The paper I got said something about me pretending to be a hero and need to buckle up more in order to get one. I got pretend to be hero meh!? But the second one was right... sigh! T_T

Then took some photos with Sophiya before heading back. Thought of going for a short Dota session but Oon need to be back early, thus we all headed back then. Sad... A fun filled day with my friends nevertheless.

Now on the story of YL... it's the first time I think I meet up with YL this year, and to confirm it I asked Sam and he said yeah. No wonder feels like a thousand years didn't meet her liao. Then when we sat down on the table in Sophiya's wedding lunch, I did not expect her to sit next to me, which makes me even more happy, haha. SG and CM sit next table as YLin's son and maid occupied liao the table. Good for them, hehe... XD

Anyway regardless to say, although we just sit next to each other, my heart is far from reaching her. The happiest moment was when she sits near to my side when taking pictures. Not VERY near, just nearer, but enough to make me happy for a long while, haha. We did talk more than usual and Sam beside me helps me to gain courage in making conversations with her. Damn I miss her so much deep inside, more than I thought I would. F*** it, stop feeling like this la! Get married soon YL and kill this feeling I have for you for so long, PLEASE! It's killing me!! T_T

Happy SAD To All! (Single Awareness Day, haha)

The first post of the year!

Wow, so long didnt blog liao... maybe busy with life, that's why... haha. These couple of week have been going out a lot with the TARC gang, which is nice as staying at home playing LOL is not healthy. But it also means my pocket money is going thin! Luckily I got some extra cash from working with my bro else really cannot support going out, eating, yamchaing and most of all... Magic! Yup, the pre-release has passed, which is on the weekend of CNY week, walao. Got some nice mystics and rares but not exp ones. Overall ok but my bro rugi. Razif n Kel Veen most untung, haha...

Let's talk about CNY this year 1st. This new year has been good and bad. Bad I don't want to mention here la... good is we got an increment of 300% from our angpows from our parents, woohoo! RM300 baby, that's a lot for 3 of us! Thus with the new TV from last year, it is time to upgrade our video game console to... XBOX 360! Really wanted to buy PS3 but with no/rare pirated copies now, better buy XBOX 360 to save cost. If all goes well, will be taking the XBOX (buying second hand) from Jimmy tonight.

But this year CNY never seen YL before... either she balik kampung or busy. Sad to say she is now back to her old self. Doesn't reply sms and lazy to come out yamcha with us. Soon I won't even have the energy to ask her yamcha anymore. Why? Because I hate people who doesn't answer my sms whether they going or not. Not going also must reply! If you lazy, then I will also lazy to ask you out next time. I sms to A LOT while you only sms to ME. If 1 also you cannot handle than the same goes to me for you. Mr Daniel you also one of them! >(

Miss her that is why I'm mad? Haha... maybe. Well, counting back... its been 9 years that I loved her, secretly. She having a bf now is slowly making me forget her, but a 9 year love is hard to recover. Whenever I have free time or see people in love, I will think of her. I don't want to admit it but my heart is lonely, haha. So I will cure it with work and the new XBOX I'm getting soon. YL, BEGONE!!! *poof* lol

Argh, with Valentines coming, it doesn't help me neither. YL faster get married so I will not think of you or miss you anymore! Wish I could just rip my heart out...

Anyway one day during the CNY period asked Kim Hoe and Chun Siong, both which I'm not in good terms with last time, for dinner (bak kut teh). Kim Hoe I can slowly accept back as a friend but CS... no way, yet. Seeing how he never improved, I prefer to think of him as a wall/stone. I will consider him not around when he is nearby! lol...

Work... need to find work starting next month. A bit scared and no confidence... sigh, where should I start? ><

Looking back of 2011

So the year's gonna end... was it a good year for me? So so la... not very good but not bad either. This year I managed to find a new group of friends in TARC, which includes me is 4 guys. Last year was bad cause I need to find a group every time there is a group assignment, sigh. So thanks to the 3 guys, I wasn't that lonely or groupless, which I am very thankful of :)

My family life is also getting better... bought a 42 inch LCD TV, which is a big level up compared to the 2 color CRT TV which we endured for a long time already. With my bro getting more works for his co-op business, I can help him do some work which also rank me some cash. Can say this is the first time I really earn money for myself, haha. Yes, a bit too old to only start raking in money but I have no complains :)

It was sad these couple of months as I failed my FYP, the guilt and pain of letting my parents down was huge. Nonetheless they understand it and hope I will do better next time. Feel so happy and thankful when they said that, haha. I will be a better man next year and try to find some real jobs to do while awaiting to finish my Advance Diploma! XD

Love life is not good... well, it's never been good in the first place, haha. YL finally has a bf, which I am happy for her (and I am lying if I deny having that 'sadness' in my heart) but overall... I really hope her the best. She is now more lively and beautiful, due to the power of love I suppose, haha. All the best YL... me and CM will hope for nothing less. :)

Also able to meet some nice good friends in Magic... especially Razif, Amie and Ezzy. It's nice to see multi racial can still sit together and have fun without caring about what racist crap there is out there. Also started to get involved in standard again, which is better as EDH is not tournament competitive, although its fun. Will try to be more serious in Magic next year, woohoo! XD

Since I am again free next year, besides finding for work... may want to try out something new for a change. New hobby? Diet? (old story set anew, haha) Improve my drawing skills? learn to be an expert in some softwares? New magic decks? (haha) With all the time in the world, I really should do something about it... not because I'm forced to, because I want to :)

Happy New Year everybody~!

Merry Christmas 2011

It almost doesn't feel like the year is about to pass... so fast time really flies, in a blink of an eye and 2012 is already coming. Last weekend had been a very fun filled week, at least for me. And what better way to spend Christmas than with friends (also got with family la, haha).

Let's start with Sat. Last Sat took LRT to Sg Wang where we Singk, only four of us including Sam, SG and CM. Others are either busy with their own plans or just didn't respond to our invitation. I went even though wasn't feeling well cause just recovered (not fully) from diarrhea. Lucky was alright after I went there.

After Singk in redbox low yat, went to eat n yamcha again cause they not full eating the food in redbox. Spent a long time chatting there about almost everything, haha... Then called Daniel and as anticipated, he's going to find her gf at night. So I planned to follow CM to his house and then follow Daniel back, so I don't need to waste time and money travel back alone XD Anyway, was shocked cause SG also followed me. I guess CM promised will send her back, so nice of him...!

So went to YL house, watch a movie and all of us went out for dinner, which cost a bomb in Subang Parade. Daniel la... nothing to do go so far for what? He said wanted to buy something... which I'm not sure if he really did buy anything in the end. Oh well... then go to Asia Cafe to yamcha while countdown by ourselves for Christmas, lol. Daniel half way went back to fetch his gf come and join us, with 2 thingy wiggling on top of his head ROTFLOL! Looks like her gf wore the traditional santa hat while he wore the cute ver, which... supposed to be wore by girls? haha... I admire his courage to wear it and find us in Asia Cafe, where most strangers will be too (plus other mixed feelings)... lololol.

Ah... the power of love, I must say its a power nobody really can predict. After around 1am we start our journey back. CM was feeling not well, so Daniel send SG back, after sending her gf back. A tiring but happy and funny day, lol...

Sunday, which was yesterday... went out for a big eating with parents and my 2 bro in Festival City. Thought of eating Esquire Kitchen cause my bro say there's one but in the end there wasn't. So we end up eating at Seoul Garden, a buffet with grill and steamboat with a bit of Korea essence. As expected of its name, it was expensive... one person nearly RM40, thus all of us cost a wooping near RM200. But it was fun, and its been a long time since we ate like that (or is it the first? forgot, haha). Then I went to find Sam and SG which is there to find me earlier and even went for 1 hour of karaoke to wait for me lunch. So nice of them XD

It was all thanks to Sam for being so 'hyped' up and fetch me and SG go and back so we can hang out with YL them. Really nice guy, haha. After we left from Festival City we got a bit lost because I asked Sam to input into his GPS Summit Square but it was actually Summit USJ. When we reached, thought of going to Sunway Pyramid for movie but they say will be very jam with ppl... so in the end watch movie in YL's house. 3 movie in the end we watched, nice nevertheless. Oh went for a vegan dinner and bought some food back for the last movie. It was nice to be able to watch movie for free while surrounded by friends, haha. Oh ya, saw Oon for a while then he left cause he came back for his camera.

From the 2 days we chat about a lot of things. But the most memorable ones was about YL, no need say, lol... It's funny when she said she feel her time is being sucked by her bf when her bf went to see her in her home (because she cant do her past time stuffs like watching movie, haha) but she also said she will miss her if he doesn't come. YL oh YL... I can't blame you because it's your first time dating. Maybe I will feel and do the same thing when it's my time? Haha... love is such a funny and weird thing. I have no rush for it while learning from my friends about love, hehe... XD

Friend's wedding dinner

Ah... just back from a nice wedding dinner in Times Square. It's Hie Mee's wedding dinner. Although I seldom talk to her but she was nice enough to invite me also, so I went! And in our table number 18, which is quite near to the front than waaaay at the back, was YLing, CMing, WingC, Weng Foo, CYen and her husband + sister and one more dude I don't really know but seen before. 9 person instead of 10. Ah Fei, which YL loved last time, was in another table with her gf, I think. Ronnie was alone in the vegan table because SP was feeling unwell. I was lucky Hie Mee didn't put me apart from all of them, thanks Hie Mee! XD

It was fun all the way as we chat, make jokes and tease each other while cheering a lot of time (me, non alcohol, thus using Chinese tea or coke, haha). Sam somehow able to make WingC drank a lot of red wine, which she says won't make her drunk. She really is not drunk, but a bit she is... haha. I can feel that she is more happy and free when she is drunk. Smiling and laughing more, like the WingC I know last time. I guess people change when they goes into the working world, unavoidable... but most of the time make people worse than when they are happily studying. Yes, that includes you Daniel, lol... or maybe Daniel change because of her gf? Ya, I think that would be more of the case for Daniel, haha... Dont tuut me because I am just saying the truth, like what I always do in my blog, wakaka XD

Anyway, YL went too, and she was as pretty as she always is in a yellowish white dress and high heels. Her lips isn't fully recovered yet but her eyes are back to normal. She was a bit quiet and I tried to talk to her as much as possible to cheer up her spirits as I think she isn't feeling good because of the infection on her mouth. Poor YL...

The wedding dinner was awesome. The food was great, and Sam said the Shark Fin soup we drank (one person one medium sized bowl) was really the real thing. I tried it out and it doesn't taste different from the other shark fins I tasted before. Maybe I am just the type who can't appreciate luxury foods, haha. Then later the vegan table, all of them left. But food is still served on their table! Since Hie Mee coincidentally came to out table for 'yamseng', I asked her if we could have the other empty table food to not waste it. She said ok, and we asked the waiters to tapau all the food for us to bring home, since we can't finish them surely, haha. And in the end of the wedding we did bring some back, so everyone was happy with not only souvenirs (a small wedding pic of the couple and a pair of chopsticks) but food too! XD

Then Sam sent me back to Wangsa Maju LRT. He used his newly brought GPS, which I earlier accompanied him to Lowyat where he bought it. It was convenient and suitable for him as he doesn't know the way to Wangsa Maju from there (must be too long in Abu Dhabi, haha). It makes me want to buy one too so I can travel to anywhere I want without fearing of being lost! But RM420... that's quite a hefty sum. See how la. Maybe I can save enough money from helping SKY do his work to buy one myself XD

Life is still sweet, not as dark as I thought it would be...

Ah... today I feel so relieved after lifting that one ton guilt in my heart. I did the most terrifying, ok... maybe only for me, thing there is... to tell my parents I failed my FYP and I need to wait another year to resit and graduate my Advanced Diploma.

It's my fault for trying to do the impossible... to do a hand animation entirely by myself, when I am still noob in drawing animation characters properly. I was very sad and my heart was so heavy, my head filled with ache... what can I do!? Nothing... I tried my best and in the end shoot with a machine gun by that bastard Aaron n even the damn Bern shoot at me, with silly questions like 'what did you learn all this while in multimedia?'... It was damn sarcastic and I was already shivering from doing presentation, so I just shoot whatever my mind can think while smiling to keep a positive attitude. Then the damn Aaron says I am not taking it seriously... F**K?! So what do you want me to do? Cry and beg for forgiveness in front of other students?!? I keep my head high, smiling... but deep inside the scars were deeper than the depths of Hell.

But now I feel so free... so happy, with no more worries or guilt. F**K them, I don't need to see them anymore... until next year. I will stay positive like what my parents want me to be. They encouraged me and say its alright, try again next year. I know they are sad cause I already wasted so much of my time studying, but I will start working next year. I must leave my nest and try to flap my wings into the dreaded world below. Even if I fail, at least I tried... I must.

Last Sunday was also a happy day because although I went to Submit, I did not join the tournament (my bro did and he lost). So I smsed YL and CMing if they want to come out for lunch or something, and they agreed. So the 3 of us had lunch and went for window shopping with YL... it was fun, cause I got to hang out with YL, ahhh :)

One of the happiest day of my life!

Today went for dinner and yamcha with Weng Foo (which just came back last month and see him 1st time today), SG, WingC and Jimmy. It was fun and enjoyable. Then we went to Desa Park City where CM and YL joined. Now why is today one of the most happiest day of my life? Because of:

1. On the way driving to find Jimmy, YL sms-ed me and say she could not come because CM not coming. At the end of the message she added a smiley face of :P.... OMG, first time she used smiley, I am so happy to see one in MY sms! XD

2. While we were talking I forgot what I asked her... I think I asked her 'why you don't bring you bf along' or something like that. She replied with a >< and :P... she took out her lips a little while closing her eyes like that... IT WAS SO CUTE! OMG... since when she start doing all these cute stuffs!?! And she do it to ME... I was so happy and feel honored. Maybe it is because she's in love, maybe its because she's starting to change... but she doing :P to me in real life really melts my heart in an instance, so happy to see it! XD

Ah... YL has changed so much since she has a bf. I dont know if the bf is really her first and last or not, but I wish her happiness... if its with the current bf, then let it be. Be happy Yee Ling... for me... and for CM who I knows also love you a lot. You deserve non other..... :)

Thoughts for her

How come I am thinking 'what if he is not suitable for her?'... when YL's current bf have been sending her to Klang every 3 times a week from her house, and that's nearly an hour drive! How come I am scared if she will be cheated by the man, when she is already old enough to think for herself? How come I am having all these thoughts, when she does not even think about me?!?

Haha... I guess this is what people call as 'finding useless trouble for your ownself'. Maybe I am still coping with the fact... maybe I just need more time to forget her totally. 11 years, I bet I could not take that long to love another girl next time before asking her to be my gf, haha... 11 years is a long long time to love another girl secretly... 11 years thinking of her, how much time needed to forget?

I wish I could just take out that piece of heart that yearns for her everyday and throw it away... I wish I could delete the memories and thoughts I have for her, then I will not suffer anymore... I wish I could be strong enough to go through the days without thinking of her which makes me crazy and lonely... thought I do not wish I never knew her in the first place.

Give me some time and I will forget her totally... yes, time is my only medicine... time will heal.

The day I feared for 11 years has finally arrive~

Just now went for yamcha with YL, EChing, Jimmy, WingC and CMing. I was happy caused it has been weeks of not able to see her and suddenly when I first see her today, I feel something different about her. She looked prettier... way prettier than normal. Is her make up skill so good now, or did she went for some exercise programs? I nearly couldn't recognize that beautiful girl, and later I knew why...

She break up the news to us that she is now officially coupled with a boy... so now she has a bf! The moment she said that it was like a thousand, no, millions of razor sharp blade went through my heart... and my heart died in an instant. But quickly I regained my consciousnesses and said 'Good la, I'm happy for you...' Haha, actually its half true.

I'm VERY sad because the girl I have secretly in love with for 11 years are now a couple with another guy I dont know. But actually another part of my heart feel relieved... because I know now that my heart can finally be put to rest, no need to wonder if she will accept me in the future or not... the hope will die and I will wish her happiness with her new found and first accepted bf...

I am so sad... tears cannot come out of my eyes. Yet I feel relieved and happy for her... if she did not have a bf, she would not be so happy today. She will not look so much cheerful and full of energy like today. She won't be the wonderfully beautiful YL that I saw, today...

I am still very happy when she thanked me for helping her Google some stuffs for her prom night thingy in the coffeebean of desa park city. I will forever remember this night... the night she told me that she has been accepted by another man... The night I wish her eternal happiness with her love one... The night that my heart finally died......